A True Series Of Unfortunate Events
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: The four Hatake children Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto have just lost their adoptive parents, Kakashi and Iruka Hatake in a horrible fire in their mansion. Now they have to deal with their new guardians. KisaIta, SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! Listen up, cause I really need your help on this. THE HEAT IN CALIFORNIA IS INSANE!!! However, thanks to my brain getting cooked by the heat, I have come up with four fanfic ideas. I will put all four story pilots on the site (They're all Naruto fanfics, so they'll be easy to find) and the one to get the most reviews by May 31st will be continued ASAP. The others will get continued... Whenever I feel like it. So, without anymore blab and filler, here's the third story! **

**Summary: The four Hatake children; Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto have just lost their adoptive parents, Kakashi and Iruka Hatake in a horrible fire in their mansion. Now they have to deal with their new guardians, The eccentric Kabuto and the insane Count Orochimaru. Read on to see just how **_**unfortunate**_** their lives get. **

**Warning: Yes, it is based on the movie, ****A Series of Unfortunate Events****, so if the scenario seems familiar to some, that's the reason. **

**Pairings: ItachixKisame and SasukexNaruto.**

**Note: This fanfic is based on the movie, ****A Series of Unfortunate Events****, not the novels. If I had based it on the novels, this fanfic would have been a **_**lot**_** longer. **

**Now, on to the story! **

**Disclaimer: I... hate... disclaimers... But I do not want to get sued so, ****I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does. I don't own ****A Series of Unfortunate Events ****in any way whatsoever, It belongs to one Lemony Snicket (That isn't his real name, I know, I forgot his real one...) **

**One more important detail: If you like any of the stories in my little contest, PLEASE REVIEW AND VOTE!! **

Prologue-

_Tra la la, Tra la la, singing a tune..!_

The scene is a happy little forest, filled with happy woodland creatures.

_La la la la la la la la... _

A little fox jumped out of a little house in a little tree, and giggles.

_Here comes the sun to clear away the fog... _

The little fox walks around and says hello to all of his friends, who grin and smile back.

_Shining and shining and shining and shining to bring joy to the world.. _

A butterfly lands on his nose and he giggles again. He then jumps from his tree to a slide and slides down happily.

_Because we're happy here, because we're happy he..._ (the happy, cheery music stops)

**TG- **I am sorry to say that this is not the story that you will be reading. The story that you are about to read is extremely..._ unpleasant. _If you want to read a story about a happy little fox, I'm sure sure that there are a couple of fanfics about that kind of thing... somewhere. However, If you like stories about clever and very attractive young orphans, suspicious spies, carnivorous leeches, italian food, and secret oraganizations, please, read on. As I retrace each of the Hatake children's woeful steps. My name is _Tyranno's girl_, and it is my sad duty to document this tale.

Kisame Hatake, the eldest Hatake child was a very unusual specimen of a young man. He loved water and all the inhabitants of the sea. He also loved music, especially since his adoptive father, One Mr. Kakashi Hatake had taught him how to play six of them (violin, guitar, piano, flute, drums, harp) and when he wasn't spending hours underwater, he was spending time with the second adopted Hatake child...

Itachi Hatake, the second Hatake child, was one of the best teenage inventors of his era. Anyone who knew Itachi, knew that he was busy when his long, black hair was put in a pony-tail and his eyes would glow red. In a world with millions of discarded objects, Itachi knew that there was always something. Something new to invent and change, And who better to try out his inventions rather than the third Hatake child...

Sasuke Hatake, the third Hatake child, loved books. Or rather, the things that he learned from books. Iruka Hatake built a library in their mansion on his birthday, a room filled with thousands of books on nearly every subject, and nothing pleased Sasuke more than spending time in that room, memorizing everything that he read. Well... Nothing more than the compny of the youngest Hatake child...

Naruto Hatake, the youngest Hatake child, Had a different interest. He loved fighting and military-strategy. He had memorized every strategy by every famous military general by age twelve and loved playing them out with his giant chess-set. Also, He didn't speak English (which is kind of important when you're living in England). Not that he was dumb or anything, He had gotten more than decent grades in every language course Kakashi and Iruka had enrolled him in. He was just more comfortable listening and understanding English and responding in his native Japanese.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For instance, Naruto's words will be italicized to show that he's not talking in English, like,

_"Look at that mysterious figure marching through the fog!"_ Or maybe it was, _"What's that weird bank-teller, Asuma, doing here?"_ The four Hatake children were spending a day at Briney beach, the gloomiest beach in the world, when the cigarette-smoking bank-teller walked up to them.

"Children, I have some very unfortunate news to tell you. Both of your parents have died in a fire that destroyed your entire home, I'm sorry."

**Tyranno's girl: Waahh... They lost both of their parents, Kakashi and Iruka are dead!!! **

**Kakashi's girl: No they're not, Shut up. **

**Tyranno's girl: They're dead, takes a deep breath DEEEEEAAAAAD...!!! **

**Kakashi's girl: Oh please, Ignore this person's random antics and Vote and Review, Please. **

**Tyranno's girl: PLEASE REVIEW! If this story wins the contest, I'll try my best to draw and post pictures of how everyone in this fanfic looks on **


	2. Chapter 2

**TG- YAY!! (I think...) This story actually got some reviews!! So I will try my best to continue it. So without any further ado... **

**Sasuke- Say "Let's get busy" again, and I'll will kill you... **

**TG- Uh... Um... Banzai!! **

**Disclaimer: I came close to owning Pokémon (I wish...), but not Naruto or any of Lemony Snicket's stories. **

Chapter 1: The Meeting

_Last time..._

_"Children, I have some very unfortunate news to tell you. Both of your parents have died in a fire that destroyed your entire home, I'm sorry." _

**TG-** If you've lost someone precious to you, then you know how it is. If you haven't, you can't even begin to imagine how it feels.

No one knows what started the Hatake fire, Me and my friends have thought about it for ages but all we've figured out is that it was started by a small refraction of light. Within moments, the entire mansion was in flames.

-Scene start-

The Hatake children walk up to the smoldering ruin that was once their home. They're all so shocked that they unconsciously go to their once favorite rooms. Kisame went into the room that once house their indoor pool, but was now scorched black, the tiles cracked, the water filled with ash. Itachi walked to his lab where he found not one of his inventions had been left intact, except for one. It was a flashlight that Itachi had made for Naruto, with the engraved markings of a scarecrow, dolphin, shark, weasel, wolf, and fox on it. Sasuke found the library, or more appropiately, a room full of ash. Not one book was left except... Sasuke found a gold chest which had been ravaged by the fire. He quickly opened it, completely ignoring the heat of the chest, and saw the one book that had made it through. It was the Hatake family album. Sasuke hugged the precious book close to his chest, protecting it as if it was the most important thing in the world. Naruto was almost to tears when he made it to the garden. Everything was either burnt or dying. He looked over everything the roses that Iruka had planted just a few weeks ago, the chessboard grown into the grass that they all used to play on. Naruto wiped a tear from his face and then he saw something. It was Kakashi's kunai set which Naruto had lost in the garden a couple of weeks ago.

_Flashback... _

_"Naruto..?" Kakashi called over to his adoptive son. _

_"Hai?" Kakshi then asked, _

_"Did you see where my kunai set went?" Naruto shook his head, acting dumb since he had actually taken the weapons and lost them while playing around in the garden, _

_"What kunai set?" Kakashi sighed, mostly because he knew that Naruto was lying, _

_"The kunai set that coincedentally you wanted to play with but I said no." Naruto then shook his head, _

_"Nope, haven't seen them." Kakashi sighed again. He then said, _

_"Alright then Naruto, go play or something with Sasuke."_

Naruto cried as he picked up the kunai set, _"I'm so, so sorry Kakashi... Please forgive me, Please..."_

Kisame walked passed the music room, he didn't even want to go in until something shiny from under what used to be the piano. When he looked under it he saw Iruka's violin along with what appeared to be the remains of a stained-glass picture of Kakashi and Iruka. He covered his face as he remembered what had happened when Iruka gave him the picture.

_Flashback... _

_"Can it Iruka, I don't want to hear it!!" A younger Kisame fumed as he stomped off to the music room in a furious rage. _

_"Kisame, I'm sure Itachi didn't mean it!" Iruka pleaded for Kisame to calm down. Kisame slammed the music room door and started to play a very loud symphony on the piano. Iruka walked in quietly, he knew that Kisame didn't like being insulted, let alone being insulted by someone like Itachi. He then walked over to Kisame and then quietly said as the symphony calmed down, "You know it's not true right?" Kisame stopped playing, "Whatever Itachi said, he probably wasn't even aware of his words." Iruka then walked over to the desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out what looked like a multi-colored plate of glass. "Me and Kakashi argue all the time, but I let it pass because most of the time its just a bunch of pent up rage coming out." He handed the glass to Kisame. And as he was walking, he called over, "So try to forgive and forget, he is family after all." _

"Damn it Iruka... Kakashi... Why did this have to happen to you two? Of all people..." Kisame growled/cried. Before he walked back to the main room, Sasuke spotted what looked like a golden spyglass in what used to be Kakashi's desk. He thought about going to get it but then that room collapsed before he could even get inside. After a while, all four young men met up in what used to be the living room.

"Hatakes, are you all ready?" Asuma called from the car. The all nodded and sadly walked out of the ruin.

**TG- **And just like that, the Hatake children became the Hatake orphans. This is an excellent oppurtunity to click that little "back" button on top of the screen. I'm pretty sure there's still a fanfic about a happy little fox...

_Later, after a while of sitting in a state office, and now riding in Asuma's car... _

-scene start-

"Now as Chief officer of the Hatake estate, it is my responsibility to watch over your money until Kisame comes of age and to place you in the care of your closest remaining relatives. So I'm taking you to live with your dear Count Orochimaru." At this moment Itachi mouthed out the question, "Who?!", to Kisame, since he had been in the family longest. However, he just shook his head confusedly. "It's a good thing that he lives just 47 blocks away." Sasuke stated,

"I don't think that counts as "closest"..." Itachi then stated,

"We don't know a Count Orochimaru." Asuma then stated,

"Of course you do. He's either your third cousin four times removed, or your fourth cousin three times removed." Naruto stated, in Japanese of course,

_"Someone's brain's been removed..."_ Kisame and Sasuke snickered at this.

"You guys..." Itachi whispered. Asuma replied, completely oblivious,

"No need to silence him, he's probably just excited." He then focused on the road while saying, "You should count yourselves very lucky guys, it's hard to find this kind of generosity **(A/N: Generosity my ass...)**these days..." They finally made it to a bright, clean, happy house where a young woman with purple hair up in a ponytail was busy watering the flowers.

"Oh, hello! You must be the Hatakes."

"Hey!"

"Hn..."

"Hello..."

_"Konichiwa!"_**(A/N: See if you can guess the order of the greetings...)** Kisame shook the womans hand she then said,

"My name's Anko, I'm the city justice. I'm so sorry to hear about the accident but I was happy to hear that you were coming here." Kisame introduced everyone by name and then Itachi commented,

"Your house is very beautiful." Here's where things got awkward:

"Well... Feel free to visit anytime." Sasuke asked, a little confused,

"Visit? You mean you don't live with Count Orochimaru?" All the joy left Anko's face.

"L-LI-LIVE WITH C-COUNT OROCHIMARU?! No, no, no!!" She calmed down a bit, "H-he's my neighbor." She said this while gesturing across the way. They all looked in the direction and saw a dark, old, house with a wolf running towards it. All the plants around were dead and it seemed that only the clouds above that house were gray. They all looked at it for a while and then Naruto asked,

_"All those for sleeping outside?"_ Kisame and Sasuke stated,

"Aye!!", and started to run towards the car again but were grabbed by Itachi and dragged towards the house. The front door was blood-red and had an engraving of a coiled up snake on it. Asuma knocked on the door. The peephole-door opened up an eye which seemed to have an eyeglass lense over it looked through. The small door was closed and then the following conversation could be heard,

"It seems like a couple of brats and some smoking bastard looking for someone."

"Tell them to go away, I don't have any money for charity."

"What if it's those Hatake brats?" Silence. Asuma was about to knock again when there was a, "Entréz-vous!", from inside. Asuma opened the door and they all walked in.

"Well... Hello, hello, hello..." A smooth voice called over from the staircase. They all looked over to see an elder, snake-like man with long black hair with his arm wrapped around the waist of a young man with silver-hair in a pony-tail behind his back, glasses and was holding a fan with a snake on it. "I am your beloved Count Orochimaru." At this moment, Naruto gulped in fear. "And welcome to my..." The gray-haired man nudged him, "...Our lovely home. It might seem gloomy at first..." Orochimaru left Kabuto on the stairs and started sensually writhing around the pillars. Kabuto interrupted,

"But the charm off this place will grow on you." He then unfolded his fan and put it in front off the lower half of his face. _"Whether you like it or not..."_ Were his next words, they seemed to be foreboding something. Orochimaru had been going on about how this place was a famous theater house and was now walking down the stairs while singing,

_"I'm singing in the rain... Just singing in the rain... What a glorious feeling, I'm_- Lean in with your right foot and strike a pose!- _Ha-happy again!"_ The orphans looked at Orochimaru with that signature, "What the fuck?!"-look. Kabuto quickly followed Orochimaru, while clapping for his little performance. Naruto looked down and saw that both men had matching snake-tattoos on their left ankles. Orochimaru then stopped and walked the rest of the way and said, "Well... you get the idea." He then walked to the front of the group and looked over them all. When Kabuto was behind him he then started as he looked at the eldest orphan, "Well aren't you something, my young..." He nudged Kabuto and he whispered,

"Kisame."

"Kisame Hatake!!" He held out his hand for a handshake and said, "It's an honor..." Kisame begrudgningly shook the hand and said, sharp teeth clenching as he lied,

_"Likewise, I'm sure..."_ Orochimaru then moved onto Itachi. "My dear, sweet..." He looked down at his hands this time, on them was Itachi's name next to an equal sign and after that some cash signs. He then smiled and said, "Itachi..." He bowed, put out his hand and said, "Enchanté." Itachi simply touched the hand and muttured,

"How do you do?" Orochimaru took a step back and then with a,

"And this must be..." Walked over to Sasuke and while grabbing the teenager's chin between his thumb and forefingers, hissed,

"Young Sasuke..." Sasuke's eyes widened in fear as the elder man's hand touched his face. Orochimaru let a smirk grow across his face as he let go. He then frowned a little bit as he saw the last orphan. "And uh, what is this?" He asked pushing the others out of the way, since they were getting a little protective of their youngest family member at this point. Naruto replied,

_"My name's Naruto."_ Orochimaru smirked again and said,

"Sorry, I don't speak sushi-maker. Yellow-tailed tuna?"**(A/N: Oh... Racial stereotypes! It's on now..!)** Naruto snapped back,

_"I'm not a sushi-chef!!"_ Itachi decided to intervene,

"Naruto's our brother." Orochimaru replied,

"Of course..." He then walked back and then Kabuto decided to introduce himself,

"My name is Kabuto, I'll be your other care-taker, but I must say..." He started while walking up a bit closer to the four of them, "You're a rather gloomy looking bunch. Why are you all so glum?" The four just glared at him for a while.

"Our parents just died." Sasuke stated, agitation showing in his voice. Kabuto quckly replied,

"Ah, yes. Lovely." Orochimaru grasped the younger man's shoulder and said,

"Wait let him try that scene again." Kabuto shook away all his jitters, took a deep breath and then Orochimaru stated, "Alright, lights and... action!! Give him that line again!" Orochimaru said to Sasuke. They all looked at Orochimaru like he was the most insane person in existence and this Kabuto wasn't that much better. Sasuke then said again, looking at his family with confused looks,

"Our parents just... died?" Kabuto went into drama queen mode.

"Wha?! What!?" He gasped overentusiatically, now taking short breaths and fanning himself with the fan. Naruto stated,

_"What a jackass..."_ Kabuto then stopped and turned to Orochimaru, who nodded. The snake-like man then kneeled down and then reached his arms around the young men. He then stated,

"I will take care of these young people as if they were my own family." He then turned to Asuma and continued, "Although you would call it a burden, a sacrifice. You would be mistaken. You should be ashamed of yourself..!" He wrapped his arms around the four orphans, "The idea! Blblblblbl!" Orochimaru shook his head, "BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL!!" The four young men felt like they wanted to take their chances with being homeless. Asuma started shivering in fear. "Anyway, where do I sign for the fortu... I mean, children?" Orochimaru asked. Asuma replied,

"Oh, you won't have official guardianship until the hearing. This thursday morning." Orochimaru then asked, somewhat growling in frustration,

"Then what am I supposed to do with them until then..?" Asuma asked,

"I beg your pardon?" Kabuto nudged Orochimaru again and the snake-man stated,

"I mean... Erm... Do you work out? You look good! Nice and healthy." Asuma rubbed off his shirt and welcomed the comments.

"Well, I... Ahem, I should get back to the bank..." Kabuto then said,

"Aw... Are you sure you can't stay for while? Have a drink? Port? Saké?" Asuma started,

"Well, I suppose that I could..." But Kabuto was already pushing him out of the door saying,

"Oh well, another time perhaps?" Asuma tried to call over to the Hatakes,

"Now guys, if you need anything just..." But was interrupted when Kabuto said,

"Oh no, they won't need anything, Au-revoir, good-bye!" He slammed the door on Asuma but the peephole-door flew open because of the force.

"If you have any questions..."

"They're fine!" Kabuto called as he slammed the smaller door. Kabuto locked the multile looks on the door and then turned to Orochimaru who let go of the four young men and walked over with a,

"I realize that our humble abode isn't as fancy as certain mansions once were and blah, blah, blah... But I'm coming into a large amount of money soon and I think it will be..." He stopped to give a smirk in the four orphans' direction. "...Quite charming once finished." Both of the strange men leant in towards the four and asked,

"Shall we take a look?"

"This is the living room..." Orochimaru stated as they came into a dusty room with some furniture.

"The kitchen..." Kabuto stated as they came to the horribly filthy room with garbage and dishes all over the sink area. The four young men just looked at it with disgusted looks. "I know what you're thinking," He started, "This place could use a little TLC." He then walked towards Orochimaru saying, "I trust you've all had your shots: Tetnus, Polio, Smallpox, Typhoid, Malaria..."

"This is the entertainment or rumpus room." Orochimaru started as they came to a large room the had a hole in that part of the roof. "I hope that the cieling can be brought up to code in no time." He asked Naruto, "You're not afraid of knives, nails, hammers, and heights are you?"

_"..."_ Orochimaru then laughed,

"Ha! Imagine, a sushi-chef afraid of sharp objects..." Naruto growled until Itachi gestured for him to calm down. "My theater..." Orochimaru stated when they walked out back to a large area filled with dead trees. "Let's keep it moving..!" Orochimaru called as they passed a set of winding stairs.

"What's this?" Sasuke asked as he saw them. Orochimaru and Kabuto looked and after the snake-man gestured for Kabuto to explain,

"That is the tower... Which you are to never, under any circumstances, go up to..." Kabuto leaned in, "...Ever." They quickly moved on. Orochimaru then pushed an old door open and stated,

"And this is where you'll sleep, time permitting, good-night!" He and Kabuto quickly walked out of the room and locked the young men inside. Kisame yelled,

"But the sun's still up!" Kabuto retorted,

"'But the sun's still up!'" The young men looked aroung the dusty mess that was their new room.

**TG-** I don't know if you've ever noticed this but first impressions are often entirely... wrong. For instance, when Kakashi and Iruka first adopted Naruto, Sasuke completely despised the blonde. But after a few weeks, they couldn't get enough of each other it seemed.

_Flashback to one day in the library of the Hatake mansion... _

_Sasuke was standing on top of a tall ladder looking for something. After a while, he finally found it, __The Art of War_**(A/N: I forgot who wrote this book.)**_, and threw it to an eager blonde. "Here dobe, catch!" Naruto got it, looked at the title, smiled and called back, _

_"Thanks teme!"_

**TG- **In the case of Count Orochimaru and Kabuto however...

"Orphans!"

They were correct.

Every morning the two older men would order the Hatakes to do a great number of horrible chores. After which, he would stalk off with Kabuto to meet with their mysterious group of comrades in a mysterious, dark meeting place.

-enter the scene-

Kisame and Itachi are busy washing the dishes in the sink, while Sasuke and Naruto dry them. When Itachi went to put some away, but when he opened the cabinent door he was answered by a couple of angry rats.

**TG-** And as awful as the situation seemed, things were about to get much, much worse...

-scene start-

The four young men were on all-fours scrubbing the carpet of the living room when suddenly the front door flys open with a, "...And that's when I realized that I had stolen the wrong kidney transplant!" From Orochimaru. The three men and two women that were with him beamed,

"No..!"

"Yes it's true!" Laughed Kabuto. They all started laughing after this. They all stopped as the Hatakes looked at them. Orochimaru then stated,

"Orphans, this is my acting crew. Acting crew, Orphans." The young woman with orange hair walked up, looked the four over and stated,

"Hmph, they don't seem rich..." They all walked to the entertainment room except for Orochimaru and Kabuto. Kabuto then asked,

"Why aren't you guys in the kitchen, preparing dinner?" Itachi asked,

"Dinner?"

"It's the French word for evening meal." Kabuto replied. Sasuke took out the list of chores from his pocket and looked over it. Orochimaru then stated,

"On the back." Sasuke turned it and indeed it did say, "Prepare a delicious dinner for me and my troupe.". "Expect that during our rehearsal, we will want absolute quiet and..." Kisame butted in,

"But we've never made dinner before." Sasuke added,

"And it's already 7:30..."

"8:00!" Orochimaru said befor grabbing Kabuto and walking to the entertainment room. They all looked around the kitchen for some kind of food to make. The cabinet that Kisame looked in a cabinet that was empty except for a shoe that had a mealworm crawling through it. Itachi's cabinet had a few empty glass-jars and a beetle that had gotten stuck on it's back. Sasuke found more rats. And Naruto saw a bat that wasn't too happy to have been woken up. Itachi finally found a drawer full of silverwear and dried-pasta. He sighed,

"Pasta it is.", and removed the drawer.

"All right." Orochimaru started, Kabuto taking of his fur coat. "Now... Who should play... The most handsome count in all the world?" Lounging out on a chair as if to say something. One of the men asked,

"Would.. you do it sir?" Orochimaru sighed with a smile,

"Well... alright."

"What are going to make? Spaghetti? Ramen?" Sasuke saked as he got the pasta together. Itachi and Kisame were looking for something to add to the pasta.

"Spaghetti." Kisame stated as he found a couple of cans of tomato sauce. "Naruto, take care of those, would you?"

_"No problem!"_ Naruto beamed back as he took out a kunai from his pocket and started opening the cans. Itachi groaned,

"The faucet isn't working..." Kisame walked over to the sink, punched a hole in the counter besides it, pulled out a pipe of water and said,

"Here you go."

"Thank you. Now we need a pot..."

"No pot..." Kisame replied.

"... A strainer..."

"No strainer..." Sasuke stated. Naruto handed Itachi the opened can's of tomato sauce,

"At least one thing's in place..."

"This is a little piece that I like to call..." Orochimaru stated as he sat down in a very fancy-looking chair, "Electric-chair." Everyone looked on as Orochimaru said, in a country-accent, "I think you might have to turn it up."

"..."

"I said, I.. AAAHHH!!"

Sasuke ripped the screen from the window by the sink. "Simple, yet genius." He said with a smirk. Itachi then asked,

"Naruto, how's that pot going?" Naruto came back with a metal vase.

_"Here you go."_ Kisame stated,

"Naruto... That's not a pot. It's a spitoon." Sasuke asked,

"Like the things people..?" Kisame nodded. Itachi then stated,

"Well it's not like we're eating this. We'll wash it twice." Itachi finished boiling the pasta and drained it out on the make-shift strainer. "Guys, how's the sauce?" Kisame tasted it,

"Actually, pretty damn good."

"Good, let's set it up."

"Let's go back to prehistoric times..." Orochimaru stated. Everyone in the room was asleep by now. "When dinosaurs ruled the earth!" He then stomped into the room, like a T. Rex and did a little roar as he pretended to bite the sleeping Kabuto's head.

The four young men put all the plates and silverware in their appropriate places on the long table. All the while, Orochimaru writing out the script of the play that they were doing. When the guys were done, they stood in front of the table and then Itachi stated, "Ahem, dinner is served." Orochimaru rose up from his sleepy spot on the floor and looked over the table. After looking it over twice, he asked,

"Where's the roast beef?, Kabuto slowly rising up behind him. Sasuke asked,

"Roast beef?" He looked to his family with a questioned-look as he spoke.

"Yes, yes, beef, roast beef!" Kabuto added,

"It's the Swedish term for beef that's roasted." Kisame stated,

"You didn't even ask for roast beef, crazy bastards..." he muttered at the end. All the actors gasped at this. Orochimaru and Kabuto then walked over and Kabuto then started,

"You know... It's a big world out there... Thousands of orphans would kill to be in your position right now." Orochimaru then stated,

"But I don't give a rat's ass about them, I chose to open my home to you three wonderful young men... and your hideous sushi-chef. All I ask in return is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head while I enjoy the huge fortune left by your parents." Sasuke retorted,

"Hell no!" Orochimaru sneered,

"Why you little bas... OW!!" Naruto stabbed Orochimaru in the leg with one of his kunai.

_"Back off snake-bastard!!"_ He yelled at the golden-eyed man.

"Ugh!!"

_"I'll stab harder!"_ Orochimaru replied,

"Ching-chong ching!"

_"Don't you mock me!!"_ Naruto growled back. Orochimaru kept on,

"Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo, domo! Domo, domo!" Naruto just gave a confused look and then stated,

_"Wow, you are freaking insane!"_ Orochimaru then grinned and said,

"Well... It's time that your four learned a little respect. Kabuto." In a flash, The gray-haired man started to choke the poor blonde.

_"Get... off... of me!"_ He managed to choke out.

"Get the hell away from him!!" Sasuke yelled. Orochimaru responded by slapping the boy so hard that he fell back on the ground. Kisame was about kick these two bastards's asses when Itachi yelled to the two,

"Evil bastards!", and took Naruto from Kabuto's grasp. Orochimaru then asked the acting crew,

"You all saw what happened? The young man tripped." The crew nodded in agreement with their leader.

"You won't get a cent until I'm 22!" Kisame barked at the snake-man. Orochimaru smirked and asked,

"Really..?" He then said, a little unsure, "Says who?" Sasuke replied,

"The law. Look it up!" Itachi said,

"We're going to call Asuma right away!" Orochimaru and Kabuto looked at the four orphans and then the snake-man turned to his troupe and said,

"Ooohhh..." The troupe replied,

"Oooohhh..." The Hatakes looked on as all the elder people 'oohed' at them, some waving their arms tauntingly. Orochimaru then asked,

"Are you?" In a few minutes, Kabuto and Orochimaru had forced the orphans back into their room and before locking them inside, Kabuto stated,

"I'm very disappointed in you, children.", and slammed the door. When the footsteps on the door went away, Naruto gave an unusually cold glance at Sasuke, Kisame, and Itachi before quickly walking to the boarded-up window and started ripping off the wooden planks. Sasuke sighed,

"Dobe, what are you doing?"

_"I'M GOING HOME!!"_ Itachi then stated,

"This is our home now." Naruto stopped, stepped over, and then started,

_"This... Is not a home. Home is where your parents put you to bed at night, or, or where they teach you how to ride a bike, or where they get all choked up on your first day of school."_ Kisame and Sasuke sat down where they were as they listened to Naruto's stirring words. The blonde concluded with, _"There are a lot of things that I can call this place, but 'home' isn't an acre close to any of them."_ Itachi just stared blankly at the boarded up window, a little past Naruto. A silence followed. It was broken when Sasuke threw one of the dust-filled pillows at the wall and asked,

"How could they do this to us?!" Itachi sighed,

"They're just horrible people..." Sasuke then corrected his older brother,

"Not those bastards. I meant Kakashi and Iruka." Itachi snapped back,

"Sasuke!" Kisame retorted,

"Come on Itachi, you know you're thinking it too!" Kisame stood up, "'How could they?' Did they have no plan for us whatsoever?" Itachi replied,

"Maybe they did have a plan." The room was silent once again. Naruto then stated,

_"Sure doesn't seem like it to me."_ All four of them just sighed as they sat down. Itachi then said to Naruto,

"Do you remember... when Iruka and Kakashi were on that long trip to America and we thought that they had abandoned us because they would never write?" Kisame then chuckled,

"We then found out that they had written a long letter that had gotten lost at the mail." He then said a little more seriously, "Do you remember how guilty we felt for thinking that way about them? This is just like that." Naruto then stated,

_"No it's not."_ Kisame asked,

"Why?"

_"Because this time... they're not in America. They're not coming back."_ They all felt absolutely miserable now. Sasuke then asked,

"Is anything ever going to feel like home again?" Itachi thought silently for a while. He then walked over to the part of the room that had their suitcases, while putting his hair into his signature pony-tail. He then rummaged for a while until he found what he was looking for. The flashlight that he had made and the stained glass plate of Kakashi and Iruka. When he had both things he turned and with a slight smile looked around the room. Kisame was pulling up a sheet with a pulley that Itachi had made, in order to make a type of tent.

**TG-** Sanctuary. Is a word which here means, "a small safe place" in a troubling world.

At this moment, Naruto placed the flashlight on a small nightstande and turned it on. Sasuke then placed the plate in front of it so that the picture was displayed on the back of the sheet-tent.

**TG-** Like an oasis in a blazing desert or an island on a stormy sea. The Hatakes enjoyed their evenings in the sanctuary that the had built. Though, in their hearts they knew that the troubling world lay just outside.

_"That was when we went to Paris!"_

"Mm-hmm. And also when Itachi got sick on the elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower."

"Shut up, Kisame..." They all laughed at the memories that the family album were bringing back. After a couple of hours, Naruto had fallen asleep in Sasuke's arms. Kisame was snoring like a bear, too. The only person who couldn't sleep was Itachi, because he had always been a light sleeper and right next door was...

"Ah..Orochimaru-sama..."

"You like that don't you?"

"Oh, God yes... More, Orochimaru-sama..."

"As you wish..."

"AAHH!!"

"I hate my life... I hate my life... I hate my life..." Itachi grumbled angrily over and over as he buried his face into a pillow to drown out the noise, not being very successuful. Itachi was about to try and leave the room when a beautiful song from a violin stopped him. He looked up from the pillow, he saw Kisame playing the vilolin that he had salvaged from the house.

"Can't sleep?" Kisame stated, still playing, when he saw the elder raven awake. Itachi replied, eyes getting heavy from the music,

"No... not really... What about you?" Kisame smirked,

"As the eldest, I have to look over this family and make sure you're all okay, So I can't sleep until all of you do." Itachi snapped back drowsily,

"What a... stupid..." He fell asleep on his last word, "...policy..." Kisame stopped playing and with a yawn said,

"Ai shiteru and goodnight, Itachi.", and went to sleep.

**TG-** A troubling world that in this case can be described with two dismal words.

The next morning...

"Custody granted." A judge banged his gavel making the decision final. Orochimaru took the document with a smirk.

"Damn it..." The four orphans sighed from their seats in the courtroom.

**TG- (to the beat of "When the Saint's Go Marching In") This chapter's done! **

**Sasuke- So review... **

**TG- This chapter's done! **

**Sasuke- You better review... **

**TG- I can't believe this chapter's done... **

**Sasuke- You'd seriously better review. **

**TG- I'd really like some reviews... **

**Sasuke- Click the stupid purple on the bottom. **

**TG- They inspire to get more done! **

**Sasuke- But seriously, review already. **

**Until next time!**

**-Tyranno's girl**


	3. Chapter 3

**TG- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!! I'm sorry to those who share the same name as me, I'm sorry to the world for burdening it with my presence, I'm sorry for taking away precious oxygen... I'M SO SORRY!!"- Ritsu Sohma, **_**Fruits Basket**_

**Sasuke- Come on, It wasn't your fault that AOL were a couple of bastards and decided to cut off your internet. **

**TG- But still, I let all my reviewers down and... sniffs and... sniffs Please don't abandon me!! **

**Sasuke- Please, read and review this chapter so that this person can cheer up. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, It would be a Yaoi anime and if I owned A Series of Unfortunate Events, I would have read the last book and made sure that it was more popular than the story of a certain boy wizard. **

Chapter 2- Don't miss the train!

_Last time... _

_"Custody granted." A judge banged his gavel making the decision final. Orochimaru took the document with a smirk. _

_"Damn it..." The four orphans sighed from their seats in the courtroom._

Almost exactly after the hearing, Orochimaru and Kabuto decided to take the orphans on a little trip. They had packed up their belongings and were now driving through the dark and gloomy countryside. And much to Kisame's disdain, Kabuto just happened to like this song for the radio: _"__Tra la la, Tra la la, singing a tune..!"_ He was currently gritting his teeth to try and drown out the noise. They all sat quietly until Orochimaru stated,

"Children, I know that during these past few days I have been somewhat..." Sasuke added,

"Stand off-ish?" Itachi added,

"Scary beyond all reason?" Kisame added,

"Bastard-ish?", and finally, Naruto concluded,

_"... A creepy snake-bastard?"_ Orochimaru then stated,

"A bit unfair, but now that we're officially a family, I can be the ultimate dad!" Kisame, Sasuke, and Naruto looked over to Itachi with a look that said, "Can we kill ourselves yet?" Kabuto looked outside and then stated,

"I think that it's time for a treat!" Orochimaru then replied, with an eerie smile,

"I think so too!" He immediately hit the brakes, causing the orphans to lurch forward in their seats. Orochimaru and Kabuto got out of the car and then Orochimaru, pointing to each orphan as he did so, called out the orders, "Soda, soda, soda, seaweed!" Naruto replied,

_"Screw you..."_ Both men then walked towards the little station-shop nearby. The orphans all looked on as, just before they went in, Kabuto clicked the car alarm, locking all four doors of the car. They sat there in silence for a while before thinking, all at the same time,

"Why are they taking us on a trip now?"

Meanwhile, inside of the shop, Orochimaru stated to the cashier, "Excuse me? Yes, Me and my lover here are currently going on a trip through the countryside..." Kabuto nudged him. "...With our four children..." Kabuto nudged him again. "...Who we love..." Kabuyo nudged him again. "...Very much."

Naruto was getting restless as his eyes found a small slip of paper sitting on the dashboard. _"Hey..."_ He started as he grabbed it and looked at the strange list of numbers on it. _"Sasuke, what is this?"_ The younger raven took the paper and looked it over. He then stated,

"It's a list of arrival times, probably for a bus or train..." He trailed of as Kisame asked with a somewhat unsure smirk, while picking something up,

"Hey guys, what do you make of this?" They all looked on as Kisame picked up the book, "Inheritance and You".

"Hmm... Let's see, Grape, Strawberry, Lemon-Lime..." Kabuto murmured as he rumaged through the selection of Sodas. "Ooh! Coconut-Kiwi Surprise!" The bottles all started to shake and cling against each other and Kabuto let an evil grin appear on his lips.

"Tee-hee-hee, Tee-hee-hee, Tee-hee-hee!" The little bobble-head fox in front of the back window of the car giggled as the car began to shake. All four orphans looked out of the window. 3..2..1...

"NO!!" They all screamed as they each went to a different door and tried to open it.

"It's no good, this one's locked!" Itachi called over. Sasuke replied,

"This one too!" It was the same with Kisame and Naruto. Just then,

"Kisame, try to break the window!" Kisame curled his hand into a fist and punched the window. It was silent.

"AAAHHH!! My hand, my hand, my hand!! What does he use, plexiglass?! I won't be able to play vilolin until the end of the week!" Itachi snapped back, the anxiety of the situation getting to him,

"If we don't do something, we won't be here until the end of the week!!" He tried to calm down his breathing, since he was hyper-ventilating a bit. The phone inside of the car rang and Itachi quickly answered it. "Hello?!"

"Count Orochimaru? Yes, I'm calling you back about your inheritance question, and..."

"Asuma?!" Said man gave a confused look as he was driving down the road.

"Who is this?"

"Asuma, listen, it's me, Itachi Hatake. I need you to listen to me very carefully and..."

"Itachi?! Where's Count Orochimaru?"

"He's not here right now, but..!"

"You're driving the car?!" Itachi tried to explain the situation,

"NO! Look, Count Orochimaru and Kabuto locked and left us in the car and there's a train coming so can you please..?!" There was a loud whistle on Asuma's end of the line.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hatake, I can't hear you over the train! I'm sorry, Good day!" Asuma's line clicked off. Itachi gulped as he put the phone back on the receiver. He then got his hair-tie out of his pocket and asked his younger brother, "Sasuke... You've read books on trains..." He tied his hair, "...What do we do?" Sasuke thought for a moment and then it came to him,

"A track-switch!" They all looked around through the window until Naruto shouted,

_"There!!"_ And pointed the metal lever out. Sasuke stated,

"It's too damn far!!" Itachi retorted,

"Look for something to reach it!" They all rummaged around the car frantically until Itachi stated, "Ugh!! There's nothing here!!" Kisame growled and said,

"Aren't you the one that says there's always something?" He then started to rip the thick, plastic-lining off of the chair. Itachi calmed down a little bit as he looked at the back window and called over,

"Naruto, cut the head off of that fox!!" Naruto took out a kunai and replied,

_"My pleasure."_, as he took the fox from the back dashboard. After about a few minutes, Itachi had fashioned a make-shift grappling hook from the items that they had found in the car. They were all pulling the rope so that the spring was completley pressed down. Kisame then asked,

"Just so that I'm clear on this, If this doesn't work, we're all doomed, right?" Itachi replied,

"Yep, that's pretty much the gist of it." Kisame nodded his head and gulped a little. "Let go... Now!!" They all let go of the rope and it sprung forward and landed... A few inches from its target. "Damn! Okay, everyone, pull it back!" They all quickly pulled the rope back and pulled it tight again. This time, Itachi's red eyes were trying to perfect the aim of the rope towards the switch. "Let go... Now!!" The let go and the fox's head swung around and latched onto the switch.

"Nice shot." Kisame commented.

"Thank you. Now everyone pull!" The four orphans pulled as hard as they could.

"Just a few more seconds..." Kabuto said as he looked through the sunglasses that he was trying on at his pocketwatch. Orochimaru put on a pair and after a look of approval from Kabuto, gave an evil laugh, expecting it to be drowned out with the sound of crushing metal. He gave a confused look when all he heard was a passing train-whistle.

The orphans were breathing heavily and thanking every god that they had learned about in school that they were still alive.

Orochimaru and Kabuto sneakily looked from the store window at the, to their vast disappointment, non-demolished car. Suddenly, Asuma drove up behind the car and started to agitatedly beep his car horn. Orochimaru and Kabuto quickly shot down, Orochimaru unlocking the car with the car-beeper. When they could open the doors, Naruto rolled down the window and waved to Asuma happily.

"Huh?" The banker asked as he saw the blonde.

"Asuma, Asuma, Asuma... Surely we can work this out?" Orochimaru pleaded as Asuma and Kisame packed the orphans' bags from Orochimaru's car to th banker's.

"I"m sorry but letting a minor as young as Naruto's age drive is simply not good parenting!" Sasuke yelled in response,

"What?! This maniac tried to kill us!!" Asuma sighed,

"Come on, Sasuke, the vehicle wasn't even in gear." As Asuma finished, Kabuto begged, using his actor's talent,

"Please, Asuma, could we have just a moment with the children?" After a minute, Asuma nodded and walked away to have a quick cigarette before leaving. The orphans were already in the car when Orochimaru started with a,

"Goodbye kids, it's been fun..." He then leaned into the car window and whispered harshly, "I am going to get you little bastards! No matter where you go, no matter what you do, When I find you, Oh, ho, ho..!" He ended with a silent laugh, "You are _so_ deceased." He then turned around and called over to Kabuto, "Kabuto, tear me!" The silver-haired young man got out a small bottle of eye-drops and put some into each of Orochimaru's eyes. When Asuma came back, Orochimaru "cried", "Take them, Asuma... Before I lose it big time!"

**TG- Trumping a tyrranous villain might seem all in a day's work for four genius orphans, but the Hatakes savored their victory as they sped towards their new home. What lay ahead for them, they did not know, but they remained cautiously optimistic that their new guardian would be better than the last. Or, at least, wouldn't try to run them over with a train. **

(End scene with Asuma and the orphans driving through a swampy road towards their new home.)

**TG- Hmm... Who will the Hatakes' next guardian be? Only time will tell. Please, review!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**TG- It's wonderful! I have updates for my three most popular stories! Including this one (I finally got a new DVD player, so I can update this story some more! Yay!!) **

**Sasuke- Well, Go on, do the thing. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Nickleodeon Films or Shonen Jump. **

_Last time... _

_"Goodbye kids, it's been fun..." He then leaned into the car window and whispered harshly, "I am going to get you little bastards! No matter where you go, no matter what you do, When I find you, Oh, ho, ho..!" He ended with a silent laugh, "You are so deceased." He then turned around and called over to Kabuto, "Kabuto, tear me!" The silver-haired young man got out a small bottle of eye-drops and put some into each of Orochimaru's eyes. When Asuma came back, Orochimaru "cried", "Take them, Asuma... Before I lose it big time!" _

The four Hatakes find themselves, after a long drive through a swampy country-side, being led by Asuma to a massive mansion. The only unusual thing being that the flora and fauna made it look more like a tropical jungle than an English country-side. Also, the mansion had all sorts of carvings and statues of frogs and toads **(A/N: Hint, hint...)**. As they walked past a huge golden toad statue, Itachi asked, "Do you know what kind of scientist he is?" Asuma responded with a doldrum,

"Oh, I don't know, I've been far too busy making arrangements for you four. I haven't got time to chit-chat..." suddenly, Asuma was interrupted by a loud,

"Hello!" That came from the mansion. When they looked, they saw a long, white-haired man with red lines going down from his eyes, and a red robe who had an orange frog perched on his shoulder like a parrot. When the man saw them all, he gasped, "Oh.. my.. goodness!! Look at you guys!" He looked toward the eldest and stated, "You must be Kisame! Do you remember me?" Kisame somewhat shook his head and the elder man responded, " I don't suppose so, puberty can do a lot to a young man, believe you me..!" Kisame couldn't help but smirk at this old guy's sense of humor. He then went to Itachi with a, "Young Itachi, your looks haven't diminished at all!" Itachi blushed a bit and turned away with an appreciative smile. The younger brunette was next, "Sasuke! We've never met! I'm your Uncle Jiraiya, charmed to see ya!" The two shook hands and Jiraiya commented, "Ooh! Strong grip!" Finally, "Young Naruto... You're even cuter than how Iruka described you..." The blonde giggled,

_"Flattery will get you everywhere!"_ Jiraiya then took the suitcases from Asuma and stated,

"I'll take it from here, Asuma, thank you so much for bringing them here!" Asuma cleared his throat,

"Ahem, well maybe I should come in and take a look at the living space..." Jiraiya beamed,

"Come on in!! You can help me out, I was just about to scrape the toungues of my Brazilian tree-frogs for mucus-samples!" At this, Asuma paled.

"Um, children, if you need me, I can be reached by phone or.." He gulped, "Fax...", He then walked away back to the car. After that, Jiraiya leaned in with a,

"We sure got rid of him, now, didn't we?" The guys looked on questioningly before Jiraiya walked back inside with a, "Now come on, come on! We have to hurry and pack!" The orphans stopped in their tracks. Sasuke asked,

"Pack..?" Jiraiya turned and smiled with a,

"Oh, did I forget to mention that we're moving to Peru?" Kisame replied,

"No..." Jiraiya continued,

"Well, yes! We are going to the vast jungles and such of Peru! So we have to pack up the necessary: Equipment, clothes, novels..." Sasuke had to get things straight so he asked again,

"So.. Peru?" Jiraiya smiled,

"Yes! In two days this morning!" He then turned and said, "Let me show you my humble abode." The elder took the four to a room that looked half laboratory, half zoo. "This is the Amphibian Room!" He walked in and was shyly followed by the orphans. "You kids know anything about toads?" The orphans replied, **(A/N: Time to play 'Guess that speaker'!)**

"Meh, somewhat."

"Not really.."

"I read about them in a book once."

_"I'm drawing a blank..."_ Itachi was so perturbed as they walked through room, seeing all the creepy, slimy toads, that when he heard one let out a croak he grabbed Kisame's hand for all that it was worth, causing the shark-like orphan to smile a bit. Jiraiya smiled at this but walked on. He then stated as they were about to pass a certain glass box,

"And this is..." Sasuke interjected,

"A Two-faced swamp-toad!" Jiraiya nodded as he dropped the orange frog in a nearby glass box. Itachi had to ask,

"So is it a boy or a girl?" Jiraiya stopped in his tracks as he he said, very thoughtfully,

"You know, I have no idea. I didn't think that it would be polite to ask." They all walked on and Jiraiya stated, "And over here we have the Tibeten Three-eyed toad." As he pointed to a case with a green toad with two eyes already open, who opened a third eye in the middle when the group approached. After a while they came to a massively huge covered cage in the center of the room. Jiraiya turned and whispered, "And now, children, you have to see my latest discovery. I found him in Tanzania and he's one of a kind. The Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad!" He continued to walk to the cage and uncovered it, while saying, "My assistant Kiba and I are maybe the only people to ever have seen him." The all turned to the cage and looked inside,only to see nothing but trees, dirt, and a pond. They all looked around in silence, wondering where the creature could be. They were so focused that they didn't notice when the lock of the cage slowly turned... Then quickly opened, allowing a massive orange and green toad to let out a huge croak before it lashed its tongue towards Naruto and...

_**Ding, ding, ding...**_

**TG- Oh, so sorry. My pop-tarts are done. *Authoress walks off to go get pastries, Sasuke looking on with a 'WTF'?* **

**... **

**... **

**TG- *finally comes back with pastries and a cup of hot cocoa* Ah, that's better. *takes a bite* Mmm... Now, where were we? Ah, yes: The attack of the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad... **

_"CRRROOOOOAAAAAKKK!!!!"_ It croaked before it lashed its toungue out at Naruto. But before it could hit the screaming blonde, Jiraiya grabbed the toad's tongue and was trying his hardest to push the creature back in the cage, the man stated,

"Now, not to worry! This big guy couldn't... Hurt anyone!" After a few minutes, Kisame decided to help and they finally got the toad back into the cage. The eldest teen growling,

"The 'Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad' couldn't possibly hurt him?!" Jiraiya shook his head,

"No, no! He's a big softy. One of the least harmful and most friendly creatures in the animal kingdom!" The orphans all looked at the old man with an incredulous look. Jiraiya continued, "No.. I only called him that so those stuffy proffesors at the universities wouldn't try to go and bother him." He ended with a chuckle. Itachi, on the other hand, was fed up with thinking about an earlier statement and asked,

"Uncle Jiraiya! Why are we going to Peru?!" JIraiya walked off and tried to change the subject with a,

"You know, just this morning I was think about how all of us were going to get out of town. But then I thought, 'They have frogs and toads in Peru, don't they?'" Then Kisame asked,

"But why are we leaving town?" Jiraiya turned and called over to the eldest brunette,

"Itachi? Did you know that toads and such are more afraid of you then you are of them?" Itachi shook his head. Jiraiya continued, "Few people do. When threatened, A toad will retreat to a place that is quiet, cool, calm, and peaceful: A sanctuary." At this word all the orphans looked at their uncle. "Where we'll feel out of danger." He then stated with a smile, "That's why Peru." He then walked off. When he did, his robe opened a bit, revealing what seemed to be...

"That spyglass! I saw one just like it in our libra..." Jiraiya interrupted with a,

"There will be plenty of time for chit-chat later." He walked behind a nearby desk and stated with another smile, "Right now what I need is musician, an inventor, a reader, and a fighter." Naruto responded,

_"My skills are at your service, Sir..."_ They all chuckled at that. Later on, after some more packing and dinner, They were all sitting around the fire place as Jiraiya played an instrument that seemed to be some kind of metal harp and was accompanied by Kisame on violin. Jiraiya was singing,

_"When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching-band..."_(1) All of the others just sat there, listening on as music filled the room. Jiraiya kept singing for a while and then the song was over. Jiraiya looked on his shoulder and saw that the yellow toad on his shoulder had his long toungue out of his mouth. Jiraiya groaned, "Gamatatsu... What have I told you about this?" He turned to the others, and stated, "He thinks I'm a snack sometimes, I tell you..." As he gathered up the tongue and put it back in the toad's mouth. Itachi was silent until he stated,

"That song..." Jiraiya replied,

"Hm?"

"I remember being there when Kakashi taught it to Kisame." Kisame stated,

"Hey, that's right Iruka and him did teach it to me!" Jiraiya nodded,

"That they did, as I taught mine..." Sasuke asked,

"You had children?" Jiraiya nodded,

"Yes, and a wife and a home too." He put the toad down as he whispered, "Until the fire." Kisame asked as he put the violin on his lap,

"A fire?" Jiraiya kept on as if speaking his thoughts,

"After our son passed in the fire, she left me, taking our daughter away. Only to have the poor girl..." He suddenly dropped the metal harp, which snapped him back into reality. All was silent until Naruto asked,

_"Hey, old man..? Are you alright?"_ Jiraiya nodded,

"Yes, I'm fine." He then looked at all of them and stated,

"I may know better than anyone else what you guys are going through. But it is going to be alright." The white-haired man finally smiled again and started, "We'll be among people who understand us, people who appreciate unique children who can play music, invent, read, and make up military startegies." Sasuke was smiling until his pessimissim had to kick in,

"Uncle Jiraiya, why are you doing all of this for us?" Jiraiya shrugged his shoulders and asked,

"Isn't that what family does?" Sasuke shrugged as if saying, 'works for me', and layed back down on the couch with his blonde companion laying his head in his lap. Jiraiya picked up his harp and said, "How about you guys go off to bed? I'll be fine out here." Itachi questioned,

"Are you sure?" Jiraiya answered,

"Quite. Now, I only have two rooms that still have everything left in them so you all have to be two to a room." Kisame put his violin back in its case and said,

"Come on guys, let's go." As they got to the base of the stairs they heard Jiraiya call back,

"Don't have too much 'fun', now!" They all chuckled as they went up the stairs.

**TG- 'So the Hatake orphans went to Peru and had lots of adventures with their loving and wonderful new guardian. The End.' These are the words I desperately wish I could type. Oh, I would give anything to say that the story ends here. But alas, my mission is not to weave happy endings where they do not occur, but to report the actual events in the lives of the unfortunate Hatake children. And as much as it pains me, I must confess that their troubles had just only begun. And it did so, with only two musical notes:**

_DING DONG!_

**A/N: **

**1- I know, these are words from MCR's 'Welcome to the Black Parade', but I couldn't think of anything else. Just try to imagine them being sung at a slow, almost classical tone. **

**TG- The next chapter that I put up will be kind of an in-between, what happens in the night before the next morning (Hint: I'm writing it because I really want to incorporate ****some**** Yaoi into this story) It will probably be rated higher T, lower M, so be warned! But after that, the story will go on with the story. But please, remember to R&R! **


	5. Chapter 5

**TG- Alright... Here's the subchapter. Omg, this is my first yaoi attempt that will be posted on . I hope that I do the M rating that this story has some justice. If not, please don't flame on me... **

**Sasuke- Yes, finally! Some action with my blonde idiot uke *grins lecherously* **

**Naruto- *from a distance* I'm not an idiot! Wait, what was that last part? **

**TG- The chapter starts off with KisaIta by the way... **

**Kisame- *glomps Itachi happily* Yay!! **

**Itachi- *choking for breath* help... me... **

**TG- Disclaimer 1: No sharks, weasels, ravens, or foxes were harmed in the making of this chapter. **

**Sasuke- Disclaimer 2: Tyranno's girl doesn't own anything except for various anime merchandise. **

**_____________________________________________________________________ **

**TG-** In the mansion of the famed amphibiologist **(A/N: I forgot what it's really called)** Jiraiya, the four Hatake orphans had received what many would have taken for granted: a peaceful evening. No fires, no creepy, snake-like 'guardians', no creepy, four-eyed 'guardians', no evil visitors... Most people would have taken the chance to get a peaceful night's sleep...

"Ki-Kisame..!!" These orphans weren't like most people. In the guest room that they had chosen, Kisame was currently on top of Itachi, almost devouring the younger's mouth with wet, hungry kisses as his hands tried to get rid of the pesky black clothing. Itachi's face was blushing heavily as he pushed Kisame off so that he could breathe. After the two young men caught their breath, Itachi was the first to speak, "You are too energetic!!" Kisame smiled,

"I believe the terms 'sex-deprived' or 'horny' would do, Itachi.", and with that locked his lips with the brunette's. Itachi returned the kiss while running his hands up and down the shark's back, trying to coax his lover/adopted brother into taking off his shirt first. Kisame, after licking Itachi's lips once more, started the long task of unbuttoning his navy-blue dress shirt. Itachi's now-red eyes followed as Kisame's fingers undid each button and, finally, threw the shirt to the side. Itachi let his eyes roam over the blue, more than well-toned chest in front of him and pulled his own shirt up and over his head, revealing the thin, delicate but toned body of the weasel.

Kisame grinned, exposing white, sharp, pointy teeth. The elder teen took Itachi's hand and gave a light, yet sweet kiss. Itachi simply sighed happily as he let Kisame move his lips upwards on his arm until their lips met again. "Kisa... Kisame..." The brunette whispered between kisses. As the shark continued on with his much enjoyed foreplay with the weasel, his mind wandered to when his feelings for his younger "brother" first revealed themselves.

_Flashback... _

_Kakashi and Iruka had gone out to town with Sasuke for grocery-shopping, leaving Kisame and Itachi alone in the Hatake mansion. Kisame growled, loud enough for the brunette to hear, "Great... 3 hours with the bane of my existence. Joy upon joy..." Itachi walked in eating a dango and murmured loudly, _

_"Oh yeah, spending the day with a walking shark is my idea of a well-spent afternoon." The two 'brothers' sat in hostile silence which was only broken when Kisame started laughing. Itachi narrowed his eyes and scowled, "What the hell are you laughing at?" Kisame simmered down and stated, _

_"It's just... why am I hating something so small and insignificant...", before trailing off into laughter again. Itachi was more than a little insulted. And the fact that the blunette didn't stop laughing wasn't helping. In fact after a while, Itachi got sick of it to the point that he yelled, _

_"Would you shut up!!", before tackling himself into the elder teen. The two 'brothers' fell on the ground and wrestled a bit bit before it ended with Kisame straddling the brunettes hips and pinning his arms to his sides. Itachi was glaring up at the elder and Kisame was glaring down. They sat like that for a while staring at each other until something clicked in both of them. _

_**"He's... beautiful..."**_

_"He's so... handsome..." Kisame let go of the younger's arms and started lowering himself down and down until the two were face to face. Neither of them spoke as a slight gesture caused both of their lips to touch. Itachi let his eyes close as he wound his arms around Kisame's neck and opened his own mouth to deepen the kiss. Kisame was instantly taken by the sweet, sensual taste of Itachi's mouth and let his tongue press against Itachi's. Itachi let a moan escape before he could stop it, making the blunette even more excited. As they continued to kiss, stopping for breath after a few minutes before resuming, it may have clicked in their minds that they were technically siblings.. and that Itachi was under-aged. But it didn't matter. This was a pound of pent up feelings and pleasure bursting through. Not even Iruka was bold enough to interrupt the two as he ran back in to get his forgotten wallet. _

"Nghn.. Ah! Sto-stop..." Kisame was now sucking Itachi's right nipple while playing with the left using his fingers. The brunette gasped as his lover lifted his mouth, allowing cold air to reach the hardened nub. Kisame chuckled as he traced a trail with his tongue from his chest all the way to his navel, dipping in before withdrawing, causing the younger teen to shiver. "K..Kisam-me... please, just... please." Kisame nodded and removed Itachi's gray, evening pants and underwear to reveal the rest of that beautiful, very aroused body. Itachi was breathing heavily and they hadn't even started yet. Something clicked,

"Wait, we don't have anything for lube, do we?" Itachi thought for a second,

'Damn fire' Before he smirked and reached to undo Kisame's pant's zipper, letting the large, blue erection twitch as it was freed from its confinement. Kisame let out a hiss as he figured out what Itachi had planned and pushed the rest of his pants down and off before the brunette licked the head of the heated blue flesh, that small pink toungue teasing before Itachi took a breath and went down on his lover. Kisame growled as Itachi slicked him with his mouth, saliva mixing with the precum that dribbled out to make a sticky, yet slick combination. The brunette was enjoying himslef almost as much as the shark. This was only his second time giving fellatio and at least this time his gag-reflex didn't come up and ruin the mood.

"Nngh... 'Tachi, that should be enough..." The weasel heard and, with some resistance, pulled off, a small trail of saliva connecting before snapping when Itachi rose up. "Turn around..." Kisame instructed and Itachi followed, lying on his stomach. The brunette felt something probing at his entrance and braced himself beforehe felt the elder thrust his hard length into the tight passage. Both of them hissed, one from the slight pain and the other from the sensation that the tight heat was giving him. Kisame stopped when he was all the way in, waiting for Itachi to adjust, "You okay?" Itachi gave a sort of sound that could have been translated as a whine before giving short, shallow thrusts back.

"..G-Go already..." The brunette whispered, eyes red and stained with lust. Kisame smirked and rose Itachi to his knees with a,

"Raise your hips...", and began thrusting into the tight channel. The creaks of the bed, moans from both, and the sound of skin meeting skin rang throughout the room. The sweet scent of sex filled the air. Itachi was struggling to keep his normal, cool composure and when the head of Kisame's member brushed against his prostate he screamed,

"Oh God, yes! More, please!!" The blue-haired teen nodded and began to angle his thrusts to hit that spot again and again. Itachi moaned again and he tried to reach for his weeping member. However, Kisame saw this and swatted the pale hand away in favor of wrapping his own blue hand around the youngers erection. "Ki.. Same..." Itachi gasped, signaling that he was close. Kisame was to, so he began to stroke the brunette's member in time with his thrusts. After a couple more pumps, Itachi came with a scream of the shark' s name all over the sheets and Kisame's hand.

"Itachi..." Kisame groaned as the younger's body tightened and after a few more thrusts, he came inside the weasel. The blue-haired teen pulled out, the now-reddened hole leaking a little semen and layed down on his back. Itachi caught his breath and layed close to Kisame. He gave a small smile and sighed,

"Good night, _brother_..." Kisame chuckled and yawned,

"Oyasumi, _nii-chan_..." Before the two fell asleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Sasuke..!! It hurts!"_ Naruto whined as he felt the raven's fingers stretching his entrance. There they were, Sasuke and Naruto, naked on the bed that they were sharing, Sasuke trying to distarct the adorable blonde from the pain of preparing him.

"Shh.. Naruto, relax. It'll be better if you relax." Naruto was listening but the pained expression in his tear-filled eyes told that he was still in pain. This wasn't good, Sasuke realized, and he didn't want what happened the night he tried to have sex with Naruto to happen again.

_Flashback... _

_Sasuke was on top of Naruto, kissing the blonde and preparing to take him for the ride of his life. After what seemed like hours of tortuous fore-play, Sasuke pulled away. Naruto whined, a blush covering his face, "What are you doing?" Sasuke replied, _

_"I need to get you ready before we go any further." Naruto was confused but he nodded his head none the less. The raven was digging around in his nightstand for something until he finally stated, "Finally!", pulling out a small bottle of rose-scented oil. _

_"Teme, what's that for?" The blonde asked with wide blue eyes. Sasuke smirked and pounced onto the blonde. When they were both back onto the bed, he whispered, _

_"This will make sure that evrything goes well from here on out, alright dobe?" Naruto frowned in uncertainty but nodded again. Sasuke opened the bottle, the smell of the decadent flowers quickly wafting into the room. The navy-blunette poured a generous amount onto his fingers and lowered his hands to Naruto's waist. "Spread your legs Naruto." The blonde bit his lips and stayed still. "Naruto..." Sasuke frowned. _

_"I'm sorry, I'm just scared!" Sasuke stated, _

_"Then I'll just make you not scared, alright?", spreading the boy's legs almost forcibly. _

_"Sasuke, wait!" Naruto yelped. Sasuke simply retorted, _

_"It'll be fine...", slipping a finger into the blonde's entrance. Naruto gave a loud, keeing whine in the back of his throat. _

_"It feels wierd! Take it out!" Sasuke tried to reassure Naruto, who was starting to panic a bit, _

_"It'll just be a little bit of discomfort for a while and then you'll feel better. Calm down!" However, Naruto wasn't having it. _

_"NO! Stop, Sasuke, Stop!!" Sasuke abruptly stopped all movement and pulled out his fingers. He snapped his head up and looked at Naruto. The poor blonde was crying profusely and when Sasuke let go of him, he rolled over to the other side of the bed without a word. Sasuke felt horrible, his impatience to make Naruto his had hurt the one person that he really cared about. _

_"Naruto?" He was met with stifled tears. "Naruto, I'm so, so sorry. I was too... Oh God..." Sasuke was about ready to cry when Naruto turned around and hugged him. Sasuke shed a tear but didn't start crying because he wanted to be the one consoling the other. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I won't try anything again unless you say that your ready for it, okay?" He felt Naruto nod. Sasuke smiled, "Love you, dobe." _

_"I love you too, Sasuke." But in Naruto's mind, he was thinking, 'I'm so weak... Why couldn't I just have held out a while more? _I'm_ the one who should be sorry...'_

That same flashback that was threatening to make Sasuke stop his actions spurred Naruto on to relax himself and soon, the pain was almost nonexistent. When he heard soft purrs of pleasure coming from above him, Sasuke almost couldn't believe his ears. "Naruto? Are you okay?" A buck of the hips from below him answered his question.

_"Keep going, nghn... Teme!"_ Sasuke smiled and added a third finger to the mix, loving the way Naruto moaned at the intrusion. After a couple of thrusts with the fingers, Naruto bucked up and let out a loud moan. _"Teme! D-do that again!"_ Sasuke obliged, thrusting in the fingers to the soft mound he had pressed before. _"Sasuke! Ahn! I'm ready, go in already!"_ Sasuke spit in his hand and palmed it over his member, asking,

"Are you sure?" Naruto nodded. "Okay then." And with that, Sasuke placed the head of his member at Naruto's entrance and started pushing in. Naruto keened in the back of his throat at the feeling of something intruding him, but he let it pass and soon Sasuske was in to the hilt.

_"Mmn! Sasuke!"_ Naruto moaned loudly, Sasuke replying,

"Sh, sh, sh... Just take it at your own pace, Naruto." The blonde nodded and stilled himself, getting used to the feeling of Sasuke inside him. A few, pregnant moments passed before Naruto gasped.

_"Go, Sasuke..."_ Sasuke smiled and slowly pulled out to the tip before thrusting back in. Encouraged by the soft mewls of pleasure that were falling out of the blonde's mouth as a signal to move faster. The soft sounds of two teens breathing and the creaks of a bed were interrupted when Naruto let out a highly-pleasured shriek.

"Naruto? Are you okay?" The blonde replied in a shaky breath,

_"..Ri-Right there..!"_ Sasuke simply shook his head and positioned his hips so that his thrusts would hit that spot. The atmosphere of that room was changed into that of pants, screams of pleasure, the sound of skin meeting skin and the smell of sex and arousal. It was incredible, both teens thought. Yet the best feeling had to be when, after a final push to Naruto's sweet-spot, Naruto came. The pressing of his muscles causing Sasuke to follow shortly after. Sasuke pulled out and simply lay on top of Naruto, the two breathing at almost the same speed and rhythm for a while. It was only broken when Naruto mumbled, _"Teme..?"_

"Yeah Dobe?"

_"That was..." _

"Yeah, it was." Silence.

_"Teme?"_

"Yes Naruto?" Naruto rose up in the blink of an eye and gave Sasuke a kiss on the cheek. Sasuke looked over into those wide, blue eyes and smiled.

_"Love you, Sasuke."_

"I love you too, Naruto."

**TG- And the Hatake orphans slept well that night; a strange yet wonderful feeling of peace and contentment around them. A peace of mind, contentment of love that could not be broken. At least until the next morning. **

_DING DONG!_

**A/N: TG- Ohh... I've been busy! Forgive me! *cries* But more important than that, I did what I thought I would never do!!!**

**Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto- What? What?! **

**TG- Agh!! I wrote incest!! No!!! *runs off screaming* **

**Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto- We're all not related. **

**TG- I'm evil..! AAHHH!!! **

**Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto- We're all not related!! **

**TG- I'm worse than the LelouchxSuzaku from Code Geass!!! **

**Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto- THEY AREN'T EVEN BROTHERS!!! **

**Itachi- Please review... **

**Sasuke- ..And shut this girl up! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: TG- I don't own anything except for my mind and its incredibly warped contents. Seriously, there's some messed up stuff in there! **

**Itachi- ... *lying down, eyes wide, in a fetal-position* That poor old man... That poor ma... STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR! For the love of God, STOP THE CAR!!! **

**Kisame, Sasuke, Naruto- ... **

**Kisame- What the hell did you do?! **

**TG- He wanted to know what the inside of my head was like. Big mistake, man... **

**Naruto- I'm scared now. **

**___________________________________________________________________________________ **

_Ding Dong!_

The Hatake orphans were helping to place the most important articles of Jiraiya's library into moving boxes when that sound was heard. _"Is the old guy expecting company?"_ Naruto asked. Kisame replied,

"He said something about talking to someone about the animals..." The doorbell sounded again, resulting in Kisame straightening himself up and motioning for Itachi to come with him. The two slowly made their way to the front door of the mansion, both still slightly glowing from last night. When arriving at the door, Kisame was the one who twisted the knob and Itachi bowed and greeted,

"Good morning sir, we..." Both his and Kisame's eyes widened as they saw who was standing at the door. It was Kabuto. Although, he didn't exactly _look_ like Kabuto. This person was wearing platinum stilettos, a purple, reptile-print skirt which showed of slim, pale legs, a sleeveless shirt (the body-vest underneath it did a really good job of giving the appearance of breasts) with a design that resembled a coiled snake winding its way around Kabuto's waist and torso, a choker that looked like a black viper, gold-rimmed sunglasses which rested low on the bridge of his nose, and (oh, this was the cincher) frizzy and wild silver-hair instead of the refined pony-tail. Upon seeing this, the two eldest orphans didn't scream, yell, or react violently. Instead, Kisame simply rubbed his eyes and calmly replied with a shudder,

"Kabuto... You make one _ugly_ chick." Itachi held back a snicker, his stoic facial features helping. Kabuto gasped, obviously faking a feminine voice.

"Oh! I've never been so insulted in my..." Kisame and Itachi glared at him, conveying with their eyes that Count Orochimaru's lover wasn't fooling anybody. Kabuto pressed his sunglasses up with his muddle finger and smirked, returning to his normal voice, "You're just mad because I make a better woman than either of you ever would." Kisame deadpanned,

"I won't even dignify that with a response.," right before shutting the door in Kabuto's face. Just then, Jiraiya walked in with Sasuke and Naruto. The white-haired man asked,

"Was someone at the door?" Kisame glanced at Itachi and replied,

"No." The doorbell rang again. Jiraiya frowned as he walked over to the door, saying,

"Now, Kisame, I'm surprised at you! Refusing to open the door for someone, honestly!" Itachi pleaded,

"But it's not what you..!" Jiraiya opened the door just to see Kabuto brushing his hair and muttering something about 'stupid rich brats and their dead parents' in his own voice before switching to his fake, girly one.

"Why hello! I'm Karia, Kiba's full-time assistant, part-time replacement." Sasuke frowned and Naruto looked up and over to Jiraiya, asking,

_"You can not be buying this."_ Jiraiya smiled and replied,

"But of course! Come in, come in!"

**TG- **Kabuto.. Karia... Let's just keep it as Kabuto, because except for Jiraiya, he's not fooling anybody.

Kabuto walked into the house and swiftly managed to sneak sticking his tongue out at the orphans right before he felt a hand smack his ass. "Eep!" He almost revealed his real voice but kept it under control. Jiraiya smirked lecherously and continued,

"So good to see you, Karia, but tell me. I was expecting Kiba and his loyal companion, Akamaru. Do you know what happened to them?" Kabuto portrayed a wide-eyed look that slowly turned into one of malice. He smirked and replied in his girl voice,

"I'm sure that he would give _anything_ to be here right now. But he had to go... _Catch a train._

___________________________________________________________________________________

On the other side of town, A young Kiba Inuzuka and his dog Akamaru were screaming and howling bloody-murder, just to be drowned out by the whistle of the rushing train that they were tied to.

____________________________________________________________________________________

"But, on to better things," Kabuto started, "Let's get started!" He looked at the orphans and, with a mocked surprise, commented, "Why, Jiraiya! Kiba didn't tell me that you had children!" He hopped over and gave Naruto a squeezing hug, cooing, "And they're _so_ cute!" Naruto choked,

"_Someone get this crazy asshole off of me!"_ Kabuto let go of the blonde and stood up straight before solemnly stating,

"You know, Jiraiya…" He took a breath, "If anything were to ever happen to you, Heaven forbid, I know," Kabuto glanced over at the four orphans, "I could take care of them for you." At that statement, Itachi whispered to Kisame,

"Something's up." The shark replied,

"What was your first clue? The fake rack or the over-enthusiasm?" Jiraiya nodded and replied,

"Why, I'll keep that in mind. Now, let's go to the Amphibian room for some introductions!" As Jiraiya was leading Kabuto to the Amphibian room, Sasuke jumped in front of the elder man, his face set in stone.

"Uncle Jiraiya. May I talk to you for a minute?" The navy-bluenette spared a glanced towards Kabuto before adding, "Alone?" Jiraiya frowned for second before taking Kabuto's hand and smiling,

"So sorry, my dear. But could you excuse me for a second?" Kabuto forced a smile onto his face as he growled, trying to keep up his girly-voice,

"Sure…" Jiraiya nodded and followed Sasuke into the other room. Once there, Sasuke turned and whispered harshly,

"Do you fall for everything that wears a skirt and has a squeaky voice?" Jiraiya retorted,

"Now, that's it! You four need to stop all this hostility towards people, it's not good for you! Now, I'm going to introduce Karia to the rest of the family. She's cute, isn't she?" Sasuke grimaced,

"No!" Jiraiya huffed but turned around to go bring Kabuto to the Amphibian room. When the two were gone, Itachi asked Sasuke as he walked over,

"How did it go?" Sasuke groaned,

"He may make an ugly girl, but Kabuto currently has Jiraiya wrapped around his finger. I couldn't get through to him." Kisame growled,

"Well this is just great. I am this close," He pinched his thumb and forefinger together, "From going in there and ripping off that stupid body-vest!"

"That wouldn't work, Uncle Jiraiya would stop you before you got close." Itachi replied. Naruto looked at the others with wide blue eyes, asking,

"_What are we going to do?"_ They all thought for a second before a small croak came from the floor. They looked down and saw Gamatatsu. _"Froggy!"_ Naruto cheered and picked up the yellow toad. However, Itachi looked at it and mused,

"Hm… I think I have an idea." The brunette brought out his red ribbon and took out a marker from his pocket.

_______________________________________________________________________

"So… You lived _all_ alone in this big mansion…" Kabuto cooed in his girl-voice. Currently, Jiraiya was sitting down in the chair in the Amphibian room, receiving a shoulder-rub from Kabuto. "_All_ alone?" Jiraiya moaned,

"Well, I had the toads. And the children just arrived yesterday, meaning--- Oh, right there…" Kabuto smirked. The old guy probably hadn't gotten laid in ages and was just grateful for the contact.

"Poor thing… You know," The silver-haired man leaned in close to Jiraiya's ear and breathed into it, "I don't have to leave until tomorrow morning…" He then stopped his actions on Jiraiya's back and went to sit on the man's lap. "How about it?" Jiraiya smirked and was about reply when there was a croak from the ground besides them. The two looked down to see Gamatatsu sitting there. Jiraiya beamed,

"Gamatatsu! Where have you been?", standing up without so much as a second thought to Kabuto, who quickly made friends with the floor. Jiraiya picked up the young toad and grimaced when he saw its long tongue hanging out again. "Gamatatsu… This needs to stop, I…" The white-haired man noted that there was something that seemed like letters on the yellow toad's tongue. "Hm?" He looked closer and saw that someone had written the word 'Imposter'. His eyes widened and he turned around, just to see 'Karia' poking a frog with a stick and jumping back with a yelp when the creature croaked at her. Jiraiya frowned but quickly covered it up with a smile when he saw the four orphans standing near the door. He walked over to 'Karia' and stated, "Oh, I just remembered! I have to get the final mucus-samples from my last specimen today!" He took Kabuto's hand and asked,

"I'm so sorry but could you help me out real quick? I promise afterwards that we can, oh, get a _private_ experiment completed." Kabuto inwardly groaned,

'Why won't this old bastard just get into bed with me so I can slit his throat already?!' However, he physically smiled and answered, "Sure! Good things come to those who wait, you know!" Jiraiya laughed,

"That's the spirit!" The two walked over to a thick, glass case and Jiraiya opened it. He brought out a pitch-black frog that had no eyes, was longer and skinnier than the average frog, and rows of sharp teeth in its mouth that were revealed every time the creature hissed (it didn't croak at all). Kabuto gulped and asked shakily,

"Wh-what is that?" Jiraiya smiled as he stroked the creature's back and stated with a smile.

"Oh, this is the Dragon's Well salamander. It dwells only in the darkest, dampest places since it can't see and it relies completely on its sense of smell to hunt." A smirk grew on the elder's face, "Some say that it can even sense if a person has evil in their heart or not just by touch." Shoving the black creature in Kabuto's face, he chimed, "Wanna try?" Kabuto whimpered. He tried to extend an arm to the creature but instantly recoiled when the salamander started to hiss.

"Um, well, I…" Kabuto started, his voice wavering. The salamander hissed and coiled itself up, ready to lung at Kabuto before Kabuto chuckled nervously,

"I, um, well, I… I think that I have some, uh… Salamander treats in my car! Yeah, that's it! So I guess that I should," He backed up from Jiraiya and the salamander, "Go and get them!" With that Kabuto ran out of the Amphibian room and right out of the house. Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto walked in. As they did, they could hear the distinct sound of heels quickly hitting the ground, a car door slamming, and finally the screeching of wheels as a car zoomed away. Sasuke sighed,

"So, I guess that you got Itachi's message Uncle Jiraiya." Jiraiya nodded sadly.

"Yes. It's a pity that 'Karia' had to be part of such a bad crowd." Kisame added,

"Yeah, well that's Kabuto for you. I…" Jiraiya interrupted him with a,

"It's so sad when beautiful young women are taken into the work of those stuffy university types. Pity, she seemed like she would have been a good lay." All of the orphans groaned, Sasuke did a face-palm.

___________________________________________________________________

Later that night, The orphans had gone to bed and Jiraiya was in the main room, writing in what seemed like a journal. The white-haired man was deep in thought, only snapping out of his almost trance when a voice asked, "Up pretty late, aren't you?" Jiraiya flinched before turning around just to see Kisame standing at the doorway. The elder smiled, replying,

"Look at the pot making fun of the kettle!" They both shared a brief chuckle as Kisame walked over and sat on the couch. Jiraiya's smiled died down and he asked, "What is it?" Kisame shook his head, a small smile on his face as he answered,

"Just can't sleep." Jiraiya frowned but stayed quiet. Before long, however, he got up and walked over to the mantle above the fireplace. He picked up what looked like a pipe and a small box. The elder man sat back down on the chair near the couch. Jiraiya opened the small box, revealing some kind of herb. He pinched some up and dropped it into the end of the pipe. In a flash, he brought out a lighter and lit the same end. Kisame asked, "Jiraiya, what is that?" Jiraiya took a deep drag of the pipe and held it for a while. He calmly exhaled, sending the aromatic smoke around the room.

"It's just something that I use to relax sometimes." The white-haired man flinched. "You're not offended, are you?" Kisame scoffed,

"Hell no! In fact," He held out his hand, "Hand it over." Jiraiya went wide-eyed for a second before smirking and handing the younger the pipe. Kisame gladly received it, taking a deep drag off of it. He held it in for a few seconds longer than Jiraiya had before slowly exhaling. Jiraiya had a bout of chuckles, asking,

"Wow, you're good! Who taught you how to smoke a pipe?" Kisame replied,

"Kakashi. Oh, Iruka hated him for it."

"Hey, Kakashi! Iruka wants you to…" A 12 year-old Kisame called the grey-haired man who was currently standing on the balcony, smoke around him in little wisps. Upon hearing his name called, Kakashi turned around and put up his famous cool front.

"Oh, Kisame! I, um, well…" Kisame deadpanned,

"Is that a pipe?" Kakashi sputtered,

"What?! No, of course not, I..!" Kisame raised an eyebrow causing Kakashi to sigh, "Yes it is…" Kisame nodded.

"I knew it." Kakashi asked,

"You're not going to tell Iruka, are you?" Kisame pondered this. For about all of a second. The shark-like teen smirked toothily and asked,

"Teach me?" By the time Iruka had finally decided to go see what was taking Kisame and Kakashi so long, he found them on the balcony, Kakashi and Kisame sitting on the ground trying in vain to stop the giggles.

"I miss them… So much." Kisame yawned, the drug taking its effect. He laid himself down on the couch and chuckled, "Say, Jiraiya, is it okay if I crash on the couch for a second?" Jiraiya smiled and stated,

"Sure. You can sleep out here if you need." Kisame smiled softly once before drifting off. Jiraiya stared off into nothingness silently, a small frown on his face. "Kakashi, Iruka… You certainly have one interesting family." He took off his red robe and draped it over the sleeping shark. He smiled and ran his fingers through blue hair before walking over to his office.

__________________________________________________________________

A storm had started and the animals in the Amphibian room were all excited. Jiraiya was trying to put them into their cases before the zoologist came tomorrow. He was so busy, and his mind was slightly dazed from the pipe, that he was only focused on getting this done so that he and the boys could get an early start the next morning. He was so busy that he didn't notice that the cage of the 'Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad' was open. The thunder was so loud that he didn't hear the clicks of heels behind him. He was too busy thinking about his new life with his new family that he was too overtaken with surprise when he felt the rope cinch around his neck.

_____________________________________________________________________

**A/N: Oh… Kiba! Akamaru! Jiraiya! Damn it, I killed off three characters in one chapter! Oh, I'm awful! (cries) **

**Sasuke- It was for the sake of the story-line. **

**Kisame- Itachi… Come on, wakie wakie! (pokes Itachi with Samehada) **

**Itachi- Then she… She gave the kitty cyanide-laced milk! Why?! **

**Naruto- Well, we have to go and find a cure for Itachi now. But please read and review. And please, ****actually review****! **

**-Tyranno's girl**


	7. Chapter 7

**More current A/N: I just noticed that I put Kakshi into the story. I was so out of it that I forgot that he was dead! I've edited the chapter and reposted. Please forgive me!**

**A/N: New chappie, new chappie! It's a brand new chappie of this story. I personally think that it's overdue but, meh... It seems that I will be all by myself since the others had to go take Itachi to a doctor. I still don't get it, I didn't do anything to him! **

_**Meanwhile... **_

**Random Doctor- Now what seems to be the problem today, Mr. Uchiha? ... Besides your progressing blindness. **

**Itachi- *stops shaking and glares at doctor* ... Shut up. **

**Disclaimer- Meh... **

**_____________________________________________________________________________________ **

_Last time... _

_A storm had started and the animals in the Amphibian room were all excited. Jiraiya was trying to put them into their cases before the zoologist came tomorrow. He was so busy, and his mind was slightly dazed from the pipe, that he was only focused on getting this done so that he and the boys could get an early start the next morning. He was so busy that he didn't notice that the cage of the 'Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad' was open. The thunder was so loud that he didn't hear the clicks of heels behind him. He was too busy thinking about his new life with his new family that he was too overtaken with surprise when he felt the rope cinch around his neck._

The warmth of the sun slinked into the living room. It slowly made its way from the chairs to the table and finally to the couch that our dear sharkie was sleeping on. The gentle sunbeam crawled from the eldest teenager's feet... to his legs... to his chest... and finally it rested on his face. It was a couple of minutes before... "Mrm... Huh, wha..?" Those sharp, black eyes opened and quickly surveyed his surroundings. "Where the hell am I..?" Kisame yawned, sitting up and stretching out his arms. "Wait a second... Extremely relaxed, a heavy craving for sweets..." He chuckled, "Jiraiya, you had some stong stuff last night, that's for sure." He stood up and stretched out his body a bit before calling out, "Hey! Jiraiya! You aren't still asleep, are you? You said that we're beginning the move today!"

There was no response.

"Huh." With that, Kisame grabbed an apple from the coffee table and began walking around, searching for their guardian. He looked in the kitchen (that's were he would be right about now, if it were up to him). "Hey, you in here?"

The kitchen was empty.

Kisame moved over to the bathroom. "Coming in..." He called before opening the door.

The bathroom was empty.

"Okay... This is getting wierd..." Kisame whistled, walking out of the bathroom. The blue-skinned teen made his way down the hall and into the Amphibian-Room. Looking around, he saw that all the animals were eerily quiet today. "Jiraiya, seriously, are you still here?" Kisame called just to be responded with silence. He growled slightly and asked the two-headed toad, "Have you seen the old man?" The small creature seemed to shudder before nodding its head towards the door at the end of the room. Kisame muttered a small 'thanks' before he walked over. "Hm, his office huh? Well, I guess it _could_ explain why he hasn't heard me..." He made it over and smiled right before opening the door and beaming, "Hey! It's moving day and..!" His face instantly fell.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"Sasuke, why couldn't you help Naruto get dressed?" Itachi groaned to his younger brother while he was helping Naruto into an orange jumpsuit-type outfit. Sasuke sighed,

"He could do it himself. At least that's what he told me..." Itachi simply rolled his eyes and zipped up the jacket. Naruto smiled and said,

_"Thanks Itachi."_ The blonde turned to Sasuke, _"And I only said that I would do it myself if you were going to be a jerk about it!"_ Sasuke got up from the bed and was about to say something before Itachi stopped him, saying,

"Alright, that's enough. Save your energy for the move, that's our main plan right now, remember?" Sasuke and Naruto nodded. "Good, now we..." At that moment, Kisame burst in through the door of the room; panting and looking like he had seen a ghost. Naruto was the first to speak up,

_"Kisame? You okay?"_ The eldest teen shook his head and quietly grabbed Itachi's arm and whispered,

"Come with me. Don't make a scene."

"What do you..?" Itachi almost asked until he got a good look at the shark's face. He turned back to the younger teenagers and stated, "Stay here.", before allowing Kisame to lead him downstairs. When the eldest two were gone, Naruto asked,

_"What do you think is going on?"_ Sasuke put a finger to the blonde's lips and replied,

"Stay quiet and we'll find out." The two were quiet and deathly still, listening for anything and everything that went on downstairs. Silence held the mansion for a few tense moments.

"OH MY GOD!!" Itachi's voice rang throughout the house. That was more than enough of a signal for Sasuke to say,

"Let's go!", and grab the blonde's arm. The two ran down the stairs, through the hallway, pass the Amphibian-Room just to see Kisame holding Itachi in his arms. The eldest brunette cradling his face in his hands, whispering,

"No, no, no, no, no..."

"What the hell happened?!" Kisame was silent so Sasuke simply opened the office door. The sight made him gasp and nearly fall to the floor in shock. When Naruto finally saw he screamed,

_"Uncle Jiraiya!!!"_ The blonde ran into the office, not thinking twice. The loving, caring man Jiraiya, was laying in his chair: Skin as pale as a sheet, joints locked in place, eyes glossy and looking into space. His mouth was open in a grimace of pain and there was an imprint of something that looked like a chain on his neck. Naruto clutched onto his Uncle, screaming, _"NO!! This can't be happening! You.. You were supposed to take care of us! We were supposed to go to Peru and study and play music, and invent, and read and..!!"_ Sasuke covered his eyes, sure that he would start crying soon. Naruto hiccupped before screaming, _"Who's going to take care of the froggies now..?!"_, he buried his face in the deceased man's clothes and broke down in tears. Sasuke had gained his balance and walked over to try and calm the blonde down. He succeeded in pulling the blonde away but not stopping the tears from streaming from the blue eyes... or the ones that were prickling his own. Kisame took a deep breath. He couldn't speak, let alone try to leave his family alone like this. He tried to gain some composure before calling over, shakily,

"S-Sasuke?" The navy-bluenette nodded. "When you calm down..." Kisame gasped again. "Get me the phone."

___________________________________________________________________________________

**TG- A funeral. Never a joyous occaision naturally, but to four teenagers wo had already lost their own parents, it was downright catastrophic. It was true that, dressed in all black, they mourned the loss of a man of great intellectual and kind character. **

(Show Kisame and four other men carrying Jiraiya's casket out of the church and into the graveyard. Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto following closely behind. And a familiar, yet suspiciously grieved silver-haired _woman_ following the funeral march)

**TG- However, the Hatake orphans also mourned the loss of a chance at a loving life with a family. They mourned at a lost chance to start over. **

(Enter scene, in the graveyard, rain pelting down on an already dark and dismal landscape)

Kisame was alone, standing at Jiraiya's grave, reading what the funeral home had written on the tombstone.

_Here lies a wonderful man known as Jiraiya_

_Dedicated Scientist_

_Loving Husband _

_Beloved Father _

_Rest In Peace _

The greay-skinned teen swallowed back tears as he read the fourth line, whispering to himself, "You're already wet enough, Hoshigaki." Then shaking off some of the water that had accumulated on his clothes and person. From behind, there were sloshing footsteps, calm, elegant, coordinated. Kisame growled, not even turning around. A purple-gloved hand placed a bouquet of black and purple roses at the gravestone before returning to its counter-part for a quick prayer. Without even looking to 'Karia', Kisame stated, in a monotone laced with silent anger, "You're mocking him even now?" Kabuto replied, a small smile being accompanied by his fake female voice,

"Mocking him? Perish the thought, Kisame." Kabuto was dressed in a sleek black dress that only reached just below his knees. He wore purple gloves that reached his elbows and a black and purple hooded-cloak to keep himself warm in the rain. Kabuto held out a black umbrella to the shark, stating, "You'll catch your death, darling." Kisame scoffed,

"Get that fucking thing away from me." Kabuto frowned,

"Your loss...", placing the umbrella back into his purse. He continued, "You know... I really did want to sleep with him." Kisame growled,

"You're sick." Kabuto smirked.

"Oh please. Yes, I was sent to kill him but you four would have brought the old man an early death anyway. I mean, look at all of you, this old geezer dies and it's all, 'Wah, wah, wah..!'" In a flash, Kisame had a strong grip on Kabuto's throat. The silver-haired man was having trouble breathing, yet he still kept his eyes locked with Kisame's. Neither of them spoke; Kisame conveying with his eyes that if Kabuto said anything more that he would kill him. The two were in a dead-lock for a while more before Kabuto smirked and said, "You know Kisame... if you had just a few more years on you... I would let you have your way with me..." Kisame swore he felt the bile raise in his throat. He let Kabuto go and growled,

"Get out of here. You've done enough." Kabuto smiled again and replied,

"How do you know it was me?" Kisame narrowed his eyes, looking back at the tombstone,

"I just do." At that, Kabuto frowned and sighed,

"It's so chilly. I'm going now. But I'll see you all _very_ soon." After that, Kisame could feel that he was alone again. He sighed and after staying at the grave for a while longer, he went back inside the funeral home where the others were waiting.

___________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, back at Jiraiya's mansion, Kabuto was eating an apple while sitting on the table in the kitchen (he was back in the same outfit he wore when he first arrived). He spoke sweetly to the police who were at the house, gathering evidence and to Asuma, who had to come see if the children were okay. "It's such a tragedy, I can't help but feel partly responsible..." Sasuke, who was sitting on the other side of the room with his brothers stated,

"It's because he is!" He had seen the chain-marks on Jiraiya's neck and figured out that they resembled the chain that Kabuto wore around his neck that day. However, Kabuto had made sure to get rid of said chain, so it was of no use to mention it. The police officer, Genma, glanced at the teens for a second before he went back to talking to 'Karia', the 'responsible adult' in this situation. Sasuke blew a bit of air from between his lips. "Didn't even pay attention..." Itachi nodded in acknowledgement, but he was slightly unnerved by the way that Kisame was glaring at Kabuto. It was cleared up though when Kabuto glanced over at the group and gave flirtacious wink to Kisame, resulting in a dry-retching shark. Suddenly, Genma walked over to the group with Asuma and began to speak,

"Well... yeah, we've ruled the death of Jiraiya to be an accident. Yes, a very unfortunate accident." Sasuke asked,

"And, um, how did you come to this conclusion? Genma beamed and stated,

"Ms. Karia told us everything." Asuma interjected,

"Including how Jiraiya had declared, upon anything happening to him, you all would be left in her care. I'll just write it up in paper-work right now..."

"NO!" Kisame roared and all four of the teens went into an uproar. Asuma didn't understand what the problem was, he asked,

"What is your guys's problem? Karia's a very nice person, she'll take care of you..." Itachi groaned and said,

"You don't understand! _He's_ Kabuto, Count Orochimaru's partner. He probably still even has his tattoo!" When the brunette teen pointed at 'Karia's' ankle, all three adults gave each other questioning looks before Genma sighed,

"Alright... Ms. Karia, show us your ankle so that we can be on our way." Kabuto huffed but held up his left ankle. It was as smooth and pale as the rest of him. "Huh, no tattoo. Anyway, Ms. Karia, are you okay with taking them with you today?" Genma quickly asked before Itachi could say anything else. Kabuto smiled and chimed,

"But of course, in fact... Oh Cousins! Cousins, dearies?" At that, two of Count Orochimaru's group-members came in throught the front door. They looked like identical-twins with white hair, and they were wearing purple and silver-suits. Once inside, they looked at Kabuto and said,

"Yes, Cousin Karia?", at the same time. Kisame looked at the three and then called over to Genma,

"What kind of accident was it that killed Jiraiya?!" Genma sighed boredly, before flipping through his notes and saying,

"Oh, yes, it was something concerning... Ah, yes, the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad." Itachi almost screamed as the twins got closer to him and Sasuke,

"That's ridiculous! The Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad is one of the kindest creatures in the Animal Kingdom! Jiraiya said so himself!" Genma and Asuma looked at Kabuto who looked up and sighed,

"I don't remeber him saying that..."

**TG- At this moment, brave young Naruto had a burst of inspiration after he looked and saw that the cage of the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad had been opened. **

Naruto began to walk over to the empty cage, going quite unnoticed by the others, whispering, _"I'll fix this..."_

"Alright then. Ms. Karia, I leave them up to you." Asuma stated waving them off as the twins dragged Itachi and Sasuke to the door, and Kabuto was doing his best to pull Kisame along. The teens were still yelling and protesting, trying to grab any last chance for freedom until...

_"AAAHHH!!"_ A scream rang out from the back of the room. Everyone stopped in their tracks just to be amazed at the sight of Naruto being tickled into submission by the tongue of the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad. Genma smiled and said,

"Well, would you look at that?" As the happy, young blonde was being tickled, Kabuto hissed,

"Damn... And I really liked this outfit, too!" All at once, Kisame, Itachi, and Sasuke felt the presence of their captors vanish into thin air. Everyone looked towards the door and saw various bits of clothing and accesories lining the floor. Then they all heard the tell-tale sounds of the footsteps on gravel and then the screeching of car-tires. When they were gone, Naruto tried to call out, having some trouble with his giggles,

_"Are they... Ha ha ha! Are they g-gone yet... Hah hah!"_ Sasuke was the one who said,

"Yeah. You did good, dobe.", before kissing the blonde on the forehead. Genma groaned,

"Aw man, that means I have work to do. Oh well, come on guys...", he called to his sargeants and they all departed the house. Asuma read through his book of records,

"Well, I guess that I have to find you guys a new guardian, huh?"

___________________________________________________________________________________

**TG- Yay, I actually finished this chappie during the time that I was supposed to be sleeping, so hopefully it's not too crappy. Please read and review. **

**-Tyranno's girl**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Still slightly embarassed about the mistake that I made (and corrected, fortunately) in the last chapter but hopefully I can get over it and focus more during this chapter. Yay... So anyway, on with the... **

**Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto- NNOOOO!!!! **

**TG- What, what, what?! Oh. They just heard the news about Naruto: Shippuden. Did anyone else hear that bombshell by the by? If not, apparently, Disney, being the manipulative company that they are, successfully obtained airing rights and will begin airing Naruto: Shippuden on Disney: XD next month. I swear, when my friend told me this (I don't have internet at home so she saw this and called me), I was calming her down (she's been following Naruto since the beginning so...) but I was crying on the inside TT. **

**Kisame- I guess we can pretty much say goodbye to the 'Save Gaara' arc, and the 'Immortal saga' (FYI, when Kakuzu and Hidan came into the picture), and half of the dialogue in the anime... **

**Sasuke- Basically, if Disney edits the show like they edited the ****Fox and The Hound****... **

**All- ... **

**WE'RE DOOMED!!!! **

**TG- Sorry about that. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto but apparently Disney now owns a share. **

**_________________________________________________________________________________________**

_Last time... _

_"Well... yeah, we've ruled the death of Jiraiya to be an accident. Yes, a very unfortunate accident." _

_--- _

_"...Upon anything happening to him, you all would be left in her care. I'll just write it up in paper-work right now..." _

_--- _

_"What kind of accident was it that killed Jiraiya?!" Genma sighed boredly, before flipping through his notes and saying, _

_"Oh, yes, it was something concerning... Ah, yes, the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad." Itachi almost screamed as the twins got closer to him and Sasuke, _

_"That's ridiculous! The Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad is one of the kindest creatures in the Animal Kingdom! Jiraiya said so himself!" Genma and Asuma looked at Kabuto who looked up and sighed, _

_"I don't remember him saying that..." _

_**TG- At this moment, brave young Naruto had a burst of inspiration after he looked and saw that the cage of the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad had been opened. **_

_Naruto began to walk over to the empty cage, going quite unnoticed by the others, whispering, "I'll fix this..." ___

_"Alright then. Ms. Karia, I leave them up to you." Asuma stated waving them off as the twins dragged Itachi and Sasuke to the door, and Kabuto was doing his best to pull Kisame along. The teens were still yelling and protesting, trying to grab any last chance for freedom until... _

_"AAAHHH!!" A scream rang out from the back of the room. Everyone stopped in their tracks just to be amazed at the sight of Naruto being tickled into submission by the tongue of the Incredibly Deadly Chief Toad. Genma smiled and said, _

_"Well, would you look at that?" As the happy, young blonde was being tickled, Kabuto hissed, _

_"Damn... And I really liked this outfit, too!" All at once, Kisame, Itachi, and Sasuke felt the presence of their captors vanish into thin air. Everyone looked towards the door and saw various bits of clothing and accesories lining the floor. Then they all heard the tell-tale sounds of the footsteps on gravel and then the screeching of car-tires. When they were gone, Naruto tried to call out, having some trouble with his giggles, _

_"Are they... Ha ha ha! Are they g-gone yet... Hah hah!" Sasuke was the one who said, _

_"Yeah. You did good, dobe.", before kissing the blonde on the forehead. Genma groaned, _

_"Aw man, that means I have work to do. Oh well, come on guys...", he called to his sargeants and they all departed the house. Asuma read through his book of records, _

_"Well, I guess that I have to find you guys a new guardian, huh?"_

We enter the story seeing the inside of Asuma's car, the radio playing that oh-so wonderful song about the cute little fox in the cute little forest. The same song that was irritating Kisame to the point that he was currently bangiing his head against the back of the seat in front of him in order to drown out the noise. Itachi was shaking his head at his lover/brother's action, and Sasuke was holding Naruto who had fallen asleep on the way over. Asuma turned around and said, with as much authority as he could muster, "Now children, don't worry, the authorities are currently tracking down Ms. Karia. From her frizzy gray hair to her tattoo-less ankles." He turned back and muttered to himself, "The sexy fiendess." Kisame, Itachi, and Sasuke looked at each other disbelievingly before Kisame groaned and began banging his head a couple times before he was stopped by Itachi.

**TG- Though still in the clutches of a ruthlessly clueless banker, the Hatakes celebrated their unmasking of Kabuto as they skimmed their way **

(Scene is Asuma's car on a raft that's being pedaled across the gray, dingy waters)

**across the cold waters of Lake Lacrymose. However, the young and fair Itachi wasn't observing their new surroundings. He was too busy looking at Kisame's expression when he looked outside of the window. **

"Kisame?" The shark didn't respond. Itachi gently tapped his shoulder, causing him to come to.

"Mm, what is it?"

"You were in a daze. Is something wrong?" Kisame rubbed his burly arms, as if an unseen chill had invaded the car.

"No. It's just that..." Kisame looked out of the window again, especially at the water. "I never thought that I would come here again."

"Meaning?" Itachi pondered. Kisame simply looked away from the window and sighed, closing his eyes.

"This place... It holds a lot of memories. Too many of them aren't too pleasant, Itachi, and I implore of you not to ask anymore on the topic." Itachi frowned. That was... awfully curt and cold for the usual calm and happy shark. Nonetheless, he ignored it and turned to his younger brother, who seemed to be deep in thought.

"Oh great, you too?" Sasuke turned,

"Hm?" Itachi shook his head,

"Never mind. But a penny for your thoughts." Sasuke sighed,

"It's just... What did Orochimaru gain from having Kabuto kill Jiraiya? Why go through so much trouble?" Itachi nodded but didn't say anything. The same questions had been swimming in his own mind. The only thing that he could think of, was a scenario too horrible to even go back and rethink. So, sitting back in his seat, Itachi rubbed his fingers of one hand through Kisame's hair before using the other hand to do the same to Sasuke.

"Let's just see if this place is a longer stay than the other."

**TG- Despite his elder brother's seemingly kind words and caressing touches, Sasuke knew that there was something deep and sinister going on behind the scenes of all this. Although the only clues he had was an awful fire, a golden spyglass, and two words...**

"Aunt Tsuande?" Itachi asked Kisame as the four orphans were left on the dock. Kisame thought for second before responding,

"Only saw her once, and I still don't remember what she was like." The orphans all looked forward at the dismal town of Lacrymose. Naruto was busy rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but he asked,

_"Is this really our new home, or am I stuck in some sort of weird dream?"_ Sasuke interrupted the blonde as he came out of his own thoughts and asked his brothers,

"Doesn't it strike you guys as odd that none of these 'relatives' of ours are related to us?" They all sighed. Kisame groaned,

"Let's try not to think about that much, huh Sasuke?"

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The four orphans climbed the trecherous path uphill towards their guardian's house, more than a little bit peeved that Asuma had left them withouth transportation.

_"Guys, my feet hurt..!!"_

"Shut it, dobe!"

"Kisame... How much further until we... we... Ooh, I have to sit down." When Itachi sat on the damp ground, surely ruining his fine clothes, Kisame checked the directions that the banker had given him and said,

"Not much further, Itachi, it should be the house on the side of the cliff." Naruto was panting but the small blonde managed to hold his head up long enough to look up and say,

_"Oi! I think that I see it!"_ The elder three looked towards where the blonde was looking and saw it. It was an aging mansion, the tiles of the roof were falling off, the whole building was being supported by a complex array of beams extending from the jagged edge of the cliff that they were all currently standing on. A frigid gale of wind passed, causing the dismally gray building to let out the most horrible, pitiful creaks and groans. It was almost as if the building was begging to be put out if its misery. Kisame looked at it and let out a long whistle.

"It's like it's in pain or something..." Sasuke observed. The four orphans, carrying their luggage the best that they could, made their way up the hill. When they finally made it, Kisame rang the doorbell that was decorated with slug and toad carvings. There wasn't a response. Kisame and Itachi looked at each other before Kisame called,

"Aunt Tsuande! It's us!" He was about to knock on the door when it creaked open, ever so slowly. From behind it, shivering and shaking like the last leaf on a dying tree, appeared a woman with blonde hair in pig-tails that were behind her back. She was wearing a black dress that had large cuffs and a v-neck in the front which showed off plenty of her... well... _endowment_. All the guys were stunned but it was Kisame who stated, "Whoa.", which earned him an honest smack in the back of the head. The woman whispered,

"Hatakes... Hatakes, is that you?" They all nodded. She smiledweakly and continued, "Oh, thank goodness! I'm your Aunt Tsunade. Come on, come on! Get your asses in here already!" The guys followed her command but when Kisame tried to close the door after them, Tsunade exclaimed, "Stop!!" Kisame stopped in his tracks.

"What is it?!" Tsunade walked over and pushed the eldest teen away from the door, stating, "Now, children, I must ask you never to use any of the door-knobs in the house, or to slam the doors in any case." She tapped at the door, it making it's way, ever-so slowly, back to its threshold. Itachi tilted an eyebrow but asked poilitely,

"Um, may I ask why?" Tsunade turned and replied, her eyes looking from right to left.

"I'm petrified that the door-knob will shatter into a million teeny-tiny pieces and fly into someone's eye and stab it out." Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto all raised an eyebrow towards the woman. Naruto even went so far as to even say,

_"Someone's been to crazy-town..."_ Tsunade heard this and shook her head, saying,

"I'm sorry? Japanese? We're in Europe now, little foxy..." She pinched Naruto's cheek, the blonde boy growling as he was let go, rubbing his now-sore cheek. "It's alright though." Tsunade began as she walked towards a large stack of books, "After the divorce, studying the English language became one of my best hobbies." She held up a giant textbook as proof. Sasuke gasped,

"Divorce? So, would that mean that you're..." Tsunade sniffled once. In a quiet voice, she answered,

"Yep. Me and Jiraiya. We had the best thing going. Iruka always commented our marriage's success. At least, until..." The orphans all leaned in expectantly, just to be confronted with a crying blonde woman. In her hysterics, she grabbed Sasuke and was crushing him against her giant chest.

"Ah! Sasuke!" Itachi cried at his brother's predicament. After about ten more minutes of sobbing, Tsunade finally let go. Sasuke collapsed to the floor as he desperately sucked in much-needed oxygen. Naruto ran over and yelled,

_"Teme! Are you alright?!"_ Sasuke panted some more and replied,

"That experience... Just made me gayer than I already was." Kisame shook his head at the younger's predicament. He asked,

"So, It was your daughter. If I may ask, what happened. Was she sick, or..." Tsunade wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Oh, no no." Then calmly stated, "She was eaten by leeches." Kisame froze. Sasuke asked,

"Leeches?"

Tsunade led them to a back room and opened a large window. It over-looked the despairing lake and she pointed towards what looked like a small opening in the wall of rock that was adjacent to them.

"Lacrymose leeches..." Kisame began, his voice very calm and deep, almost as cold as the air around the mansion, "Have no eyes but a long, hyper-sensitive nose that can sense the faintest smell of food from fifty miles away." Tsunade nodded.

"It was over there. B... By Curdled Cave. My dear, sweet Shizune. She wanted so much to go for a swim, but I told her that she had to wait an hour after eating before going into the water. But..." She sniffled. "She only waited... _Fifty-One Minutes..!!_" She wailed, grabbing onto Itachi's clothes and sobbing into them. Itachi grimaced but patted Tsunade's head reassuringly. Kisame simply looked out the window at the lake, quiet as the dead. Sasuke had left Naruto with Itachi to console the distressed woman and was looking around. He wandered into a section of the room that was covered in pictures. Some of them had Tsunade and Jiraiya capturing wild animals and others had the two adults with a woman who had short black hair. "Must be Shizune..." One of the pictures, however, made him gasp. As he looked at it, his eyes grew wide. It was large group of people, which included Jiraiya, Tsunade and Shizune, standing in front of what looked like the former Hatake Mansion. Everyone in the photo was smiling, they all had spyglasses like the ones he had found in the remains of their old home. And in the middle of the crowd, smiling, were Kakashi and Iruka.

"Tsunade! When was this picture taken?" Tsunade looked up from her tears and exclaimed,

"Agh! I hate that picture, get away from there!" Sasuke held up his hands defensively and walked back to where the others were.

"But, in that picture everyone had a spyglass. Could you tell me what they were fo..?" Tsunade jumped up and exclaimed,

"You boys must be hungry! I'll make us lunch, come on!" As everyone moved into the kitchen, Sasuke huffed and thought to himself,

'Something's up here..."

"Kids..?" They all looked up at the sudden calmness in the woman's voice. "There's something that... You must understand. In this world, there are good people and extremely bad people. Those who start the fires and those who put them out." The room was silent.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Tsunade poured bowls of pale green liquid into the bowls that were on the table. Kisame, Sasuke, and Naruto grimaced but Itachi feigned a smile and stated, "Just what we all need, nice, hot soup!" Tsunade cleared her throat and responded,

"Well, actually, it's chilled cucumber-soup." Kisame choked audibly as the frigid liquid hit his tongue. A look of severe discomfort on his face, he slowly took his bowl and walked away from the table. "Well, I was wondering, since it seems that little Naruto can't speak English yet..." She tossled the boys hair. "I'll be happy to teach him and-- KISAME, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" The eldest Hatake was currently at the stove, a pot in one hand, a spoon in the other.

"I'm just trying to warm up my damn soup..." Tsunade grabbed him and pulled him away from the stove, yelling,

"No, no, no! You can never use the stove! It'll blow up into a mass of flames and make the refrigerator fall and crush you flat!!" Kisame growled,

"What is your deal, woman?!" Tsunade sighed and explained,

"Ever since the divorce, I... I don't know, I've gotten so paranoid, I haven't the foggiest clue why..." Naruto shook his head,

_"She's the mayor of crazy town..."_ Itachi shared the feeling, silently of course, but he asked,

"Aunt Tsunade... If this place holds so many bad memories, why don't you just sell it and move?" Tsunade, shook her head frantically,

"No, no, no, no!" Calming down she stated, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, "I'm _terrified_ of realtors." The teens all frowned.

_"OK..."_

**TG- As you walk that long, winding path known as life, you will find that there are rational fears and irrational fears. **

(_Flashback_

_Tsunade hears her door-bell ringing and walks to the door. Shakily, and hidding behind it, she looked outside to see a pink-haired girl in a red dress-suit. She held out a card and asked, a bright smile on her face, "Is this a bad time?" _

**TG- Being afraid of realtors... is an irrational fear.**

_Tsunade's screams echoed throught out the town of Lacrymose for weeks.)_

Kisame leaned over to Itachi and whispered urgently, "We _have_ to get her out of the house...", gesturing with his shoulder to the woman who was rocking back and forth to the memory.

**TG- Chapter complete! This is a quick update, I know. And my other two stories probably won't be updated until tomorrow (I just got out of my Shakespeare class and I'm feeling sleepy… -.-) However, since I'm stuck here until the next bus comes, I'm going to see if I can type up and post chapters for my other two stories while I'm at my college's computer lab. Wish me luck, Read and Review if you please! **

**-Tyranno's girl**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Time for another subchapter! Whoo! I'm not sure if this one will have yaoi in it but it will be a little bit of fun with our boys before going back to the normal tragedy. Oh well, the idea came into my head while thinking up Kisame's dialogue in the last chapter, so here it is: The Hatake Orphans' Day Out. **

**Sasuke- We hope you like it! **

**Kisame- Oh no! You took my top-billing, you little brat! **

**Sasuke- Too bad, Jabber-Jaw! **

**Naruto- Oh no... **

**Itachi- Could we get the disclaimer out before the two semes kill each other? **

**Kisame- *growling* **_**Tyranno's girl does not...**_

**Sasuke- *seething* **_**Own any part of Naruto. Or anything by...**_

**Kisame- *still growling* **_**Lemony Snicket.**_

**____________________________________________________________________________________________ **

It was in the middle of the night in the Mansion of the once-acclaimed animal-huntress, Tsunade. It was a quiet night, a peaceful night, a calm night, a...

_"IT'S COLD, SASUKE!!"_ Ah yes. Due to the fact that Tsunade didn't pay the gas-bill due to a fear of toxic-leaks and midnight-explosions, the Hatake Orphans had to endure a freezing night in the rooms that Tsunade had given them... On the first floor**(1)**... With no fireplaces... And only one comforter each for fear of suffocation. Sasuke had just been woken up by a combination of his own shivering (low body-temperature be damned) and the cries of his love/brother on the other side of the bed. Not at all having the energy to fight with the blonde, Sasuke groaned,

"I know, Naruto, I know. This is ridiculous..." Not a second after that, the door creaked open revealing an exhausted-looking Kisame, in his sleeping pants, holding a comforter.

"Hey." The shark called over quietly. Sasuke sat up and whispered,

"What are you doing up? Damn, you look ragged." Kisame shook his head with a small smile, replying assuredly,

"No, I'm fine. But you two..." He walked over and gestured for Naruto to move closer to Sasuke. "I can't have you guys getting sick. Trust me, you catch a cold out here and it's hell to get over." When the younger teens were lying next to each other, Kisame began humming softly to himself a song that he hadn't ever played before so it was odd to the younger boys then he spread the two comforters over each teen before covering them both with the one that he had brought in. When he was done, he sat down on the carpet by the bed and said, "Alright now, go to bed.", before he began humming a bit louder but it never got to be anything but soothing. Naruto almost immediately wrapped his arms around Sasuke and dozed off thanks to the cozy warmth and the calming tones that were drifting into the room. However, Sasuke protested,

"What about you? And Itachi?" Kisame shook his head and replied,

"Itachi is fine with the comforter that he has and the sheets from our luggage." He yawned, "Now go to bed Sasuke.", before humming again. Sasuke still frowned but listening to the music, the feel of the soft body besides him and the warmth. It all slowly absorbed into him and, besides himself, he found himself falling asleep. When Kisame saw that both boys were sleeping he stopped his humming and stood up, patted the bed and whispered, "Pleasant dreams.", walking out of the room.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

When Kisame got back to his and Itachi's room, he didn't even notice the deep, onyx eyes that were watching him. The shark-like teen quietly trudged his way over to the bed and when he reached it, promptly collapsed, back down, onto it. Itachi rose himself up and out of the covers. He was also shirtless, just because he liked lying that way with the elder, and his hair was loosened, fanning over his shoulders as he moved closer to the shark and whispered, "You need to go to sleep." Kisame quietly lay there, as if he hadn't heard Itachi. The brunette rolled his eyes and whispered, "You can't fool me. Ever since you heard that we were coming here you've been stressed out and introverted! Please Kisame, relax! I..." Itachi sighed before he quietly draped himself over the side and chest of the muscular shark's body. He stroked Kisame's chest and laid his head there. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes.

"...Can't..."

Itachi's eyes shot open. Looking up, he asked, "What was that?" He watched on as Kisame drowsily opened his eyes. He then whispered,

"Can't sleep... The nightmares come." Itachi shook his head, confused,

"Nightmares? About... About what, Jiraiya?" Kisame shook his head but whispered,

"Since before then..." Itachi had more questions but he decided to forgo them in order to create a quiet, calm atmosphere. He pulled the sheets and the comforter over them and lay close to Kisame, placing a quick peck on his cheek. All was quiet and Itachi had almost dozed off if not for when he felt strong arms around him. Itachi quietly accepted the embrace, and whispered,

"I'm here for you... You've been here for all of us, so I can return the favor." A squeeze and anticipated snores were his reply.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Abruptly, maybe a few hours of sleep later, Kisame woke up, jostling Itachi to consciousness, and whispered excitedly, "Itachi! I know what we can do tomorrow!" Itachi groaned,

"You mean _today_... What time is it?" Kisame smiled and laid them both back down. He whispered,

"I'm going to take you guys on a tour of one of the best places in Lacrymose." Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"How are you going to run that by Madame OCD up there?" Kisame smirked and said,

"It'll just be... A _morning_ trip, Ah? What do you think?", he wrapped his arms around Itachi and looked at the brunette, the question hanging in the air. Itachi looked away. He was sure, way in the deep reaches of his mind that they probably shouldn't but... Kisame seemed excited. And maybe Tsunade wouldn't mind.

"Alright," He whispered, "But let me sleep, for God's sake."

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Kisame made sure that everyone got ready at least a few hours earlier than they normally would have. It took a lot of work, considering that Naruto was half-asleep the whole time and Sasuke without sleep was just plain rude, but in the end, they all had gotten cleaned up and were out of the house as silent as the wind.

Kisame led the little expedition. Itachi following besides him but constantly making sure that Sasuke and Naruto didn't stop and fall asleep on the way. The first few minutes went by with various groans and yawns as the four teens walked through the marsh-like land that led out of Lacrymose. Kisame looked back and beamed, "Come on you guys! I know that it's tough to get through the mud and all, but trust me, it'll all be worth it when we get there!" Sasuke groaned as he struggled to get his foot free from a puddle of muck,

"Worth it how, Kisame?" Kisame simply shook his head and replied,

"You'll see. Now come on you three, we have a ways to go." Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto groaned.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

It had to have been another hour when Itachi asked, "Kisame? How do you know where we're going? I mean, this fog is so thick.." Itachi had to even squint his eyes to make sure that the shark was still in front of them. Kisame answered, looking back to check if anyone had gotten lost,

"I just know, Itachi. And it's mist, not fog."

"I don't care what it is, it's ruining my hair!" Sasuke complained, raking his fingers through his now-moist locks of navy-blue. Naruto, still sleepy, asked his brothers,

_"Why aren't we at Aunt Tsunade's house? I'm getting hungry..."_ Kisame turned around and walked over to where Naruto was trudging along. Effortlessly, he picked up the blonde, sat him on his shoulder and asked,

"Naruto? You want some ramen?" Naruto perked immediately: his eyes growing wide and he asked, excitedly,

_"Ramen?! Really?! I haven't had ramen since our last day at home!"_ Kisame smiled, walking back to the front of the quartet, he started,

"Sure. We just have to get to where we're going and I'll get us breakfast, alright? So just keep up for a while longer, okay?" Naruto nodded and jumped off of his older brother's shoulder and ran to go and get Sasuke. Naruto was pulling at Sasuke's sleeves, saying,

_"Come on, Teme! Ramen!"_ Sasuke groaned but nonetheless picked up his pace. All the while, Itachi watched Kisame's actions. He had... grown since this ordeal had began. Not just the few inches in height, but in maturity. It seemed to Itachi that Kisame was growing to be more and more of a father-figure as it seemed more and more that they were all alone in this challenge called their life. It was heart-warming, Itachi thought, that Kisame could grow to that status in such a short time, it...

"Guys." Kisame's voice stated. The other three teens stopped in their tracks. Kisame had gone still, almost stuck in his tracks.

"Kisame? What is it?" Itachi asked, cautious. Kisame gestured with his head to the area in front of him.

"We're here." Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto looked towards where Kisame had noted but they could only see more mist. Sasuke huffed,

"Great... You've successfully led us to Mist Valley: Home of the Misty Mistiness, with _nothing_ around for miles except for, heh heh, you guessed it: Mist!" Naruto held an unsure look as he looked up at Itachi, who in turn, was unsure about their predicament as well. Kisame rolled his eyes at the others' reactions. He chuckled,

"You guys need to have more faith. And you Sasuke, Need to work on the crankiness." He looked back towards what seemed like a life-less plain of mist. In a very calm voice he whispered, "We just have to wait..." Itachi sighed,

"Wait for what? I..." Then it happened. Almost like a curtain, the mist peeled away: slow, quiet, composed. When it was completely gone, the three younger orphans finally saw what Kisame had brought them for. It was another village. Only this one was a lot more vibrant (even though it was mostly various blues and grays), it was surrounded by a beautiful river, which was lined with fishing boats and nets. The lively streets were filled with people shopping, working, and just plain living. All at once the village looked more like a city, it was so large. Kisame smiled his toothy smile and pointed an arm towards the gate before exclaiming,

"Welcome to Kirigakure!"

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Walking in such a large place was a bit of a shock to Naruto so he was holding onto Sasuke's arm the whole time as Kisame guided them through the village. "Here's the bookstore. And this is one of the tea-houses... Over here is the carpenter's..." Itachi looked around and took everything in. Kirigakure... It held a rustic appeal of an old country that reminiscing elders would speak of. Every breath he took in made him feel... It made this place have that 'home-appeal'. Sasuke, while holding onto his scared dobe, took in the village as well. Only he took in such details as how when they passed, fishermen would drop their catches, women would stop and stare, some would even drop what they were doing just to gape. Then there were the whispers.

"Is that..?"

"I thought that he..?"

"Who are those kids with him?"

"I heard that..."

It all unnerved Sasuke, but it was like everyone else ignored it. Kisame went on with his tour until they passed a certain tea-house. "Here's another tea-house! This one actually belonged to a family that I once knew very well. I wonder..." When Kisame's voice reached inside of the establishment, a teenager, a bit younger than Kisame, immediately stopped wiping the walls where he was.

"I know that voice!" He whispered and he ran outside. Upon seeing Kisame, he shouted, a huge smile on his face, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!" The four orphans turned at the shout, but Kisame's eyes widened and he whispered,

"Oh my God...", before yelling, "RAIGA!!!" The other teenager, long, spinach-green hair, dark-tan skin, dressed in tea-serving robes, smiled broadly and laughed before he ran over to the grayish-blue-skinned teen. Kisame met him halfway and the two grabbed each other in a strong hug, laughing joyously. Itachi frowned a bit. There it goes, jealousy. After what seemed like forever, the two tall teenagers separated and Raiga spoke, wiping tears from his face,

"It's amazing... When you left here, I never thought that I'd see you again!" Kisame chuckled again,

"Same here. But, here I am!" Kisame pointed to himself, still smiling, "I'm probably not as short as I was before, but..." Raiga scoffed,

"You jerk!", still crying a bit, he had to jump a bit before he could hit Kisame on the head, "Still flaunting your height, huh?"

"It's a gift. You know, I..." Itachi had enough of the ignoring.

"Ahem." He cleared his throat extra loudly and got to two elder teens' attention. Kisame blushed and chuckled nervously,

"Sorry about that Itachi. But, I'd like to introduce you guys to someone." He pulled Raiga over and said, "Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto, I'd like you to meet one of my best childhood-friends: Raiga Kurosuki." Raiga bowed and shook hands with Sasuke, then Naruto. When he got to Itachi, however, he couldn't help but notice how those manicured fingers dug into his hand before he could pull away. When the formalities were done, Raiga smiled and exclaimed,

"I have to tell everyone that you're back, Kisame! It's just..." Raiga broke into another round of tears. "Sorry about that. I'll be back though, so you can still look around the old place, I'll come and find you, so you'd better not leave again, okay?" Kisame smiled and waved his arm.

"'Till I see you again." Raiga smiled and waved his arm before he ran off. Once the tearful teenager was gone Itachi smiled and asked sternly,

"Kisame? _Who_ was _that_?" Kisame put up his hands defensively,

"Itachi, its fine! Like I said, he's just a childhood-friend."

"Pretty friendly for a childhood-friend..." Itachi mumbled, still unsure. Kisame sighed before walking over and kissing Itachi's cheek. The blue-haired teen smiled,

"He's not my type." Naruto rolled his eyes and asked,

_"Ne, Kisame, Raiga said that 'you're back'. You've been here before?"_ Sasuke added,

"I was wondering about that too. How did you know how to get here?" Kisame's smile weakened a bit but he was still cheerful as he stated,

"This village where we are now..." He looked up at the hazy, grayish sky. "This is where I was born."

"WHAT?!" Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto gasped in shock. Kisame only nodded and scratched the back of his head,

"Yep. We're in my hometown."

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The orphans walked along the riverbank near Kirigakure, still listening to Kisame point out seemingly random things. "This part of the riverbank is where I found my first seashell!" He ran to another area, "And this is where I caught my first fish!" He ran to yet another area, "And this is where I had my first swimming lesson!" Kisame rushed around the riverbank, laughing like a pre-schooler, until Sasuke piped up,

"Kisame?"

"Huh?"

"You do realize that all the places you've pointed out are, at the most, a foot away from each other?" Kisame huffed,

"I came to this riverbank a lot, okay?" The orphans shared a laugh before Kisame pointed to the middle of the river and continued, "Out there is where me and my friends used to go swimming all the time." He subconsciously walked towards where a fishing boat was docked on the shore. "We would ask our parents to take us out in a boat, not that different from this one and... Wait a moment." Kisame took a good, long look at the boat.

"Kisame, what is it?" Itachi asked. The shark replied,

"This boat is awfully familiar..." Just then, a voice called down from the boat,

"It should be, we used to ride it all the time! Right Kisame?" Kisame smirked and answered,

"I couldn't forget it if I tried," He looked up and saw another teenager, wearing faded-blue over-alls without a shirt, thick grey boots, and his hair was black, spiked and unruly. "Zabuza." Zabuza smirked and abruptly jumped off the boat, landing in front of the blue-haired teen on the ground.

"You have been gone for _far_ too long, cousin." Zabuza drawled a bit, wrapping an arm around Kisame's shoulder as they walked over to where the others were.

"It wasn't something that I had control over, cousin." When they made it over, the first thing wasn't an introduction, or a hostile reaction. The first thing that Zabuza did was give a long look at Itachi. Itachi blinked nervously, after a while asking,

"Is there... something wrong?" Silently, Zabuza took Itachi's left hand and examined it; turning it over, even. He then looked over to Kisame and said,

"I don't see a ring anywhere, cousin."

"Huh?"

"What the hell?"

_"I'm still hungry..."_ Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto replied in that order. Kisame blushed heavily before yelling back,

"And why should you?!" When he calmed down (and he made sure that Zabuza had let go of Itachi's hand), he stated, "This, normally intelligent individual, is my cousin, Zabuza Momochi." Zabuza smirked and laughed,

"A pleasure to meet all of you." Finally, something clicked. "What do you mean, 'normally bright'? I was only curious!" Itachi interrupted,

"Curious about what, may I ask?" Zabuza started,

"Well, in Kirigakure..." Before a voice yelled from a nearby building,

"Zabuza!" Everyone looked over and saw a young teenager running over. From appearance-wise, _she_ had long brown hair and wore a pink kimono-type dress and pink sandals as _she_ ran over.

"Whoa... She's pretty." Sasuke commented, which earned him a smack on the head by a certain blonde. When the teenager arrived over, they spoke,

"Zabuza Momochi! Where have you been?! You were supposed to be back with today's catch an hour ago! You had me so worried! I didn't know what to tell everyone at the store and--Mm!" At that, Zabuza had covered the teenager's mouth with his hand. Wide brown eyes looked at him as he said,

"Haku. Shh." When he removed his hand, Haku nodded and stayed perfectly quiet. Zabuza sighed, "Well, since you're here, may I present Haku." Haku bowed and said,

"It's a pleasure to meet you!" Kisame bowed back and asked, a growing smile on his face (he knew what was coming)

"Zabuza, what's all this?" Zabuza blushed heavily and was about to speak up when Haku piped up,

"I'm Zabuza's wife! See?" He held up his and Zabuza's left hands, revealing golden rings. Itachi rushed over and asked, looking at the rings with unmasked intrigue,

"You're.. You two are married? But, how? I mean, you're so young!" Kisame was silently pleading for them to shut up. However, Zabuza answered the curious brunette,

"The marrying age for men born in Kirigakure is 17 to 18. So in fact, Kisame over there is of marrying-age!" Kisame was slumped over in despair, still groaning silently,

"Shut up, Zabuza... Please, shut up..."

"Oh really?" Itachi began, folding his arms over his chest. "Well, when were you going to reveal this bit of information, Kisame?" The shark began blushing again, his face actually turning purple thanks to the contrast between the blood and the teen's skin. He stuttered,

"Well... I, uh... Ah..." Kisame turned around and stated, "Hey! I wonder if Raiga is back at the tea-house yet. We should go see! Come on Naruto! Sasuke!" Kisame grabbed the blonde and the young raven and began rushing back towards the village. Itachi sighed, chuckling a bit, and then was about to follow until he felt something at his wrist. He turned and saw Haku holding him back.

"Yes?" He asked the small brunette. Haku smiled warmly before he stated,

"Kisame's a good man. You really should consider it when he proposes to you." Itachi immediately blushed, turning away so that he could try and hide his face.

"How... How do you figure that he would?" Zabuza answered this time, walking up and wrapping his arms around Haku's slim frame.

"He loves you. And he would be an idiot not to." He let go and walked after the other three, calling back, "Let's go. If we wait too long we'll probably lose track of them!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________

By the time that the group had made it back to the tea-house that they had seen before (which was quite later due to an extended tour, courtesy of Kisame, Zabuza, and Haku), there was a large crowd around the small establishment. "Something tells me..." Zabuza started, looking around at the crowd, "That Raiga has been putting his mouth to work again." Then, speak of the devil, the spinach haired teenager forced his way through the crowd and called over, more tears in his eyes,

"Kisame! Over here!" When they all walked over, "I'm so glad that you guys came back! Look at all the people here to see you! Hi Haku! Oh, hey Zabuza." He ended casually.

"Well, hello to you too then." Zabuza dead-panned in response. Raiga laughed,

"Come now, you know I'm kidding. Now, let's go, all of you. The staff has been cooking since I told everyone that Kisame came back." Kisame sighed,

"Raiga, what the hell did you have these people do? I'm just visiting!" Raiga smiled back as they walked into the restaurant,

"Oh, nothing big."

________________________________________________________________________________________

'Nothing big' could have easily been the understatement of the year. The hosts and hostesses of the tea-house brought the orphans to a table that held a grand buffet of beautifully prepared dishes, seafood, and of course,

_"Ramen!!"_ Naruto cheered and grabbed a bowl of the steaming dish. _"Itadakimasu! Thanks for the food!"_ And promptly began eating. Itachi gasped, horrified at the blonde's manners.

"Naruto! What did Iruka teach you?! I..!!" He looked over at Kisame, Zabuza, Raiga, and Haku and saw that they had began eating as well. "Kisame!!"

"Kirigakuran rules, Itachi: Eat first, say 'thank you' later." Itachi frowned,

"But... but..."

"Itachi," Sasuke began, grabbing a plate, "'When in Rome...'" Itachi sighed heavily before grabbing a plate of his own.

________________________________________________________________________________________

By the time dessert was brought in, the various people from the village started coming in. First, there was a woman with indigo-shaded hair that was up in a bun. With her, were a man and a little girl that looked at Kisame with wide, revering eyes from behind his mother. Kisame stopped eating and turned towards her as she walked over, taking the girl with her. When she stopped, Kisame smiled and said,

"Hello, Cousin Mizuna." The woman gasped and smiled,

"You remember me! Oh!" She brought the little boy from behind her and said, "This is Sameki. Remember, the day that you left she was still in my stomach, now look at her!" Kisame smiled and looked down at the girl for a second. Then, he picked her up and said,

"Hello there, Sameki! Do you know who I am?" Sameki looked at the shark with wide black eyes. Then she smiled, revealing sharp teeth, and said in a small voice.

"...Uncle?" Kisame nodded and after kissing the little girl's forehead gave her back to her mother. Mizuna bowed a bit and walked back to the crowd. Then, a small frail teen with long, purple hair walked up, carrying an ornate box. He was sickly pale and wore tea-robes similar to Raiga's. When he got close enough, he gave the box to Kisame and walked back a few steps before bowing reverently and stating in a weakish voice.

"They're your favorite. At least that's what," He had a small coughing fit. "What Raiga-san told me. I've been trying my hardest to... to.." He began coughing again. Kisame opened the box, revealing beautifully baked pastries.

"Kirigakuran-dango! And moon-cakes?!" He brought out a moon-cake and broke it in half. Everyone watched on as Kisame ate it and then waited quietly as the shark swallowed. Afterwards, he smiled and said, "It's great. You really have a gift here, um..." The teen looked up slightly and stated,

"R-Ranmaru."

"Ranmaru. Keep it up!" Ranmaru smiled and replied,

"Thank you." Before walking around the table and to the chair besides Raiga. Raiga smiled and said to Kisame,

"He's my fiancée." Kisame chuckled before eating the rest of the moon-cake. The next two hours passed by with people ranging from relatives to Kisame to random villagers giving the shark (or Itachi, for some strange reason) some sort of gift or just asking if Kisame remembered them or not. One family walked up and handed a large flat box to Itachi.

"Oh. What's this?" The brunette opened it and saw rows of smooth white fabric. "Wow. It's gorgeous!" He looked to the family and asked, "Is this really for me?" The small girl who was with them, they presumed that it was their daughter or something, smiled and giggled,

"Of course it's for you, silly! It's a wedding kimono!" Kisame let his face fall against the table, rocking it from side to side in embarrassment while the others at the table bust up laughing. Itachi, on the other hand, ran his fingers across the fabric a while longer. Then he smiled and said,

"Thank you very much." Sasuke and Naruto just sat there with widened eyes, Sasuke silently wondering why Itachi didn't go off on them. Finally, after many visits, there was only one more. The group watched as the crowd made way for the last guest. It was an elderly man with gray hair in a black robe with a rosary around his neck. Kisame stood up from the table and walked over. When he got to the man, he bowed slightly and stated,

"Father Amizu. It's a pleasure to see you again." The man chuckled, his voice deep yet raspy over the years of prayer.

"As it is you my son." He looked over at Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto and said, "This must be your new family. I trust that your taking care of them?" Kisame smiled.

"With my life." Father Amizu nodded quietly and then turned to the crowd.

"Kisame and his family are extremely grateful for your visits and gifts but now I'm sure that there's one last thing that he must do." As the crowd dispersed, the father looked at Kisame and asked, "You would like to visit your parents, wouldn't you?" Kisame's face fell and he visibly stiffened.

"Kisame?" Itachi asked but it was like the shark didn't hear him. After a few seconds the shark gave a small smile and said,

"Okay."

________________________________________________________________________________________

The walk from Raiga's tea-house was painfully quiet. Naruto asked Sasuke,

_"Why did the atmosphere suddenly get so heavy? And why's Kisame so quiet right now?"_ Sasuke shook his head but he looked over at his elder brother who held a look of worry for the eldest Hatake orphan. The shark had a stern look on his face as the group followed Father Amizu to wherever he was taking them. Itachi wanted to ask Kisame what was going on but between Kisame's silence and the journey, he never got the chance. Finally, they arrived.

"Here we are." Said the father. It was a giant building surrounded by an iron-leaf fence and a small stream. The building's roof was covered in gargoyles and you could see the bells behind the stained-glass windows.

_"Where are we?"_ Naruto asked, his widened blue eyes scanning the building. Sasuke looked over at the gate and read the aged panel that was there.

"Kirigakure Cathedral." He then asked Zabuza and Raiga, "So I can take it that Kirigakure is Catholic, right?" The two teens, after they made the sign of the cross over themselves, nodded and followed as Kisame and Father Amizu went inside. The inside of the cathedral**(1)** was beautiful. The carpeting was deep burgundy, like red wine and the pews, which were still quite old, seemed old in the good sense; well-loved not worn out. Even the stained glass windows that had pictures of the saints engraved in them had a regal beauty to them.

"It's... amazing." Itachi finally gasped out, trying to take in every detail. However, Kisame and the father had gone on ahead, leaving the rest to follow. Finally, when they all came to a certain hallway, the other three Hatake orphans gasped. There, on the wall, was a giant oil-painting. It showed a man with normal skin color but looked like an elder, longer-haired version of Kisame, looking down on all of them with piercing black eyes and a serious but caring look. Then a woman, with long blue hair, loving brown eyes and a tribal-print tattoo on her exposed arm; she wore a long gray gown which had one sleeve and left the other arm bare. Then, sitting on the ground, much younger (around maybe three), was a very familiar blue-skinned teen. Sasuke looked over at Kisame and asked,

"Kisame? Are these your..?" Kisame nodded and asked Father Amizu,

"Where?", to which the elderly man responded,

"Outside on the highest hill in the middle." Kisame nodded and made his way outside.

"Kisame wait, I--!" Itachi was about to follow but his hand was held onto by Zabuza. "What is it?"

"I would leave him alone right now." Father Amizu agreed,

"Yes, but come. We can watch over him from over here."

________________________________________________________________________________________

When outside, Kisame looked around and made the sign of the cross over himself. Treading softly, he mentally apologized to those whose rests he might be disturbing. He walked and walked through the area until he made it to the hill. "I'm coming." He muttered as he walked on. He kept going until finally he was at the top. When he was, he gave a soft smile and whispered, "Hello mother. Hello father."

________________________________________________________________________________________

Itachi watched on as Kisame walked to the two stone monuments on top of the grassy hill. Sasuke held Naruto's hand as the blonde was trying to hold back his tears; he didn't want to disturb anybody here.

"They were the village founders." Father Amizu began, "With their own strength alone, Nokoru and Mizuko Hoshigaki brought over the soil to make a foundation for their own home when they came here to get a new start. That young lady was seven months pregnant when I saw her working on the area behind their little house to make a garden.

_Flashback... _

_A younger (still old, but younger) Amizu Rei made his way through the misty land that he had found himself in. He sighed, "What could I possibly find out here in this wasteland? I--" A grunt interrupted his thoughts. "Is that a person?" He asked himself. When the sound came again, he ran towards it blindly until the mist broke. He saw a strange sight. A woman in pants and a shirt that were obviously too big to fit her and she was pregnant no less. Yet there she was, digging out water-logged land and trying to get a small area of farmable land. Amizu cleared his throat and the woman looked up, immediately bringing up her shovel in a defensive position. "Um, my sister, why are you digging here in the..?" Before he could even finish, the woman called over, _

_"Look, I haven't the foggiest who you are, and I don't really want to hurt anyone so could y'please go on and let me finish me garden?" _

_"Oh!" Amizu began, "Forgive, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Amizu Rei. I just received my Priest's license and..." The woman cocked her head to the side and asked, _

_"A priest? What's that?" Amizu gasped but shook it off as if the woman was playing around. But then Amizu's eyes widened and he asked, _

_"But! You're with child! How can you possibly do this work in your condition?!" The woman blinked a few times before giggling and wiping the dirt from her face. Amizu gasped when he saw how beautiful the woman was. It was as if the blessed virgin came back to earth with blue hair. _

_"This is no 'condition' as you put it! B'sides," She brought her shovel back into the ground, "I can't have my baby being weak, now can I? My work is helping my baby to be a strong boy or girl!" Amizu sighed, there wasn't any getting through to this woman. Yet, curiosity broke through again. _

_"Where is your husband? Or... Do you have one?" The huffed up her cheeks and called back, _

_"Course I do! He's somewhere 'round here, surveying the land and whatnot." As if summoned by the woman's words, a robust-looking man ran over. His hair was gray and unruly and his clothes were damp and dripping with water but he was all smiles as he said, in a deep voice full of glee. _

_"Mizuko! I found a small river that runs around this whole area. It's fresh water and there are fish so we can make a living out here!" _

_"Wonderful! You hear that baby? We're going to survive!" The man dropped the bag he was carrying down then picked up his wife and spun her around once, both of them laughing joyously. Then, the man looked over before asking, _

_"Who's this?" The woman smile and laughed, _

_"He says he's some sort of pasteurizer!" Amizu slumped. _

_"Pasteurizer? That's not right, we don't even have a cow yet..." Amizu called back, _

_"Um, not a pasteurizer. A priest." The man's eyes widened a fraction. _

_"Oh! That makes way more sense. Well," He picked up the dripping bag and stated, "Well then, Father, will you join us for dinner?"_

"They didn't have much, but they offered to house me as long as I was there. I had to do something in return to such big hearts. It was when Kisame was born that I got to do just that."

_A gut-wrenching scream wrent the skies one stormy evening. Inside the small house in the middle of the misty landscape, Nokoru and Amizu looked down helplessly as Mizuko was writhing in agony on the pile of blankets that they gave her. "Mizuko. Are.. Are you alright?" What else could Nokoru do? He had absolutely no experience with this sort of thing. Mizuko, panting heavily, smiled and replied, _

_"Our baby... is going to be very strong... Nokoru..." After a four more hours of enduring the woman's screams, Nokoru stood up and walked over to the door. Grabbing a coat, he announced, _

_"I'm going to Lacrymose to get a doctor! Amizu!" The priest looked up. _

_"Y-yes?" _

_"Watch over my wife or I'll have your head." And with one last look at his wife, Nokoru was gone. Amizu fidgeted nervously and muttered to himself, _

_"What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?!" Another scream sounded and Amizu was on the ground by Mizuko in seconds. "Mizuko, Dear, Nokoru went to find a doctor. He told me to get anything that you need, so, is there anything?" Mizuko smiled tiredly. Then whispered, _

_"Give me your hand, Mr. Priest." Amizu blinked but nonetheless gave the woman his hand. He didn't see how this would make things better but he did it anyway. Suddenly, his hand was clenched like a vice and he almost fell over in pain. Mizuko screamed bloody-murder, "SOMETHING'S MOVING!!" Amizu gasped, trying to regain feeling in his hand, _

_"What?!" _

_"Do you have..." A scream. "Anything to..." Panting, "Cut with?!" The older man frowned and said, _

_"Um, yes. Yes, I may have a paring knife in the kitchen." Wordlessly, Amizu tore his hand away and walked over to the small kitchen. He quickly started a fire and placed a pot of water on top of it. When the liquid came to a rolling boil, he dropped in the paring knife and waited. "Now, in health class was it 30 minutes or three hours to sterilize a utensil?" He muttered to himself. _

_"OH GOD!!!" Amizu whipped around back to Mizuko. Not thinking, he tried to get the knife out and effectively burnt his hand. Hissing profusely, Amizu took the pot off the fire and wrapped his hand in a towel before he retrieved the knife again. "It's coming! IT'S COMING!" The woman on the floor screamed. _

_"Damn..." Amizu groaned to himself. 'Why couldn't it have waited until the doctor arrived?' Although Amizu realized from personal experience how far this area was from civilization. "No use fretting over it." He realized. He knelt down and after saying, "You'll excuse me..." He lifted up Mizuko's skirt so that the birth could maybe be a bit easier. He saw the baby's head; blue hair just like its mother, and he called back, "Come on, Mizuko. Just a little bit more and it will be over." Mizuko groaned loudly. "Come now," Amizu chuckled, trying to lighten the situation, "Just a few more pushes!" Mizuko keened in the back of her throat, biting her lips till they bled as she taxed her lower muscles. She fell back, panting heavily with tears of exhaustion in her eyes. _

_"T.. Tired..." She whimpered. Amizu patted her leg and said, _

_"The woman I know doesn't give up that easily! Now, for your husband, for this child, for me, and for you Mizuko, PUSH!" With one last ear-shattering scream, Mizuko pushed for all that she was worth. And, it was over. _

_"W-well?" She panted. Then the wailing began, rough, high, piercing, strong. Holding up the baby after he cut the umbilical-cord, Amizu stated, _

_"A proud day for you and your husband, it's a healthy baby boy!" The priest said this but he was tuned in to the baby's skin color. A grayish-blue, almost cerulean mixed with silver. Yet when Mizuko looked at the screaming child, her eyes widened and she held out her arms. Amizu wrapped the baby up in a towel and handed him over. Mizuko smiled warmly and cooed, _

_"Colored like the ocean and a handsome little thing to boot." She kissed the child's cheek and almost immediately he stopped wailing. "Thank you." Mizuko stated to Amizu. The priest nearly collapsed where he stood before he exhaled out. _

_"No... Nothing to it." It was at that moment that Nokoru burst into the house, doctor in tow. After a few more hours of checking the baby's vitals and such, the doctor, a woman with blonde hair in two pigtails behind her, called over. _

_"Hey, Father!" Amizu looked up. "The parents want you to name the kid!" Amizu's eyes widened and he slowly walked over. When he came to the group, Mizuko held out the baby to him and he carefully held it in his arms. What a strange babe, the priest thought. The hair and skin made him look like something out of the ocean. Those wide black eyes, and he had birthmarks near his eyes that looked like gills. _

_"Hmm..." He poked a finger at the baby and in return, the baby followed it until he bit it. Well, gummed on it, cooing and babbling baby nonsense as he did so. Amizu smiled as he stated, "Kisame. Young Kisame Hoshigaki: Son of Nokoru and Mizuko Hoshigaki. May your heart be as big as your mother's and your strength grow to rival your father's!" _

________________________________________________________________________________________

"I am _so_ sorry that I haven't been back to visit in such a long time."

....

"Oh? Yeah, I did find a new family to stay with. They were very kind and generous and had loving hearts. I'm just sorry that what happened..."

....

"Hm? Well, I... Um. Yes, Itachi's very special to me. So are Sasuke and Naruto. They're my own little family right now."

....

"Of course I'll introduce Itachi to you two. Let's just... Let's enjoy each other's company for a bit."

________________________________________________________________________________________

"What could have happened?!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Kisame's parents apparently had everything in order to start a whole village, how in the world did their only son end up an orphan?!" The looks on Zabuza and Raiga's faces reflected the haze that just rolled in. Itachi immediately stated,

"If my brother said anything wrong, I apologize and..."

"It was their kind hearts..." Amizu stated, "That took them away from us."

________________________________________________________________________________________

After three hours of waiting for Kisame to come back inside, Itachi asked Zabuza to take Sasuke and Naruto out to do some more sight-seeing. When they younger ones left, Itachi asked Father Amizu. "Do you think that... It would be a good idea to..?" Amizu smiled and cut off Itachi with,

"Go to him, my child. I think he wants to see you now."

________________________________________________________________________________________

When Itachi made his way through the graveyard and finally up that hill, he heard Kisame's voice talking away. "I may want to move back here, you know, so that I could be closer to you guys. But, I'll have to persuade my family first. Also, I..." Itachi cleared his throat. "Hm?" Kisame looked up from where he was laying on the grass and smiled softly. "Oh, Itachi! Just in time, too! Come here, come here!" Itachi silently nodded and sat next to the shark. Kisame smiled and said, "Mother? Father? I'd like to introduce you to Itachi." Itachi had to wipe away a small tear before he bowed his head slightly and said,

"Hello." A soft breeze blew past them. When it hit them, it wasn't cold like one would expect. It was warm, like a mother holding her child to her breast. The same breeze seemed to play with Itachi's hair for a second before it slowly died down. Kisame smiled and stated,

"My mother likes you." Itachi nodded and placed a hand to his cheek. It really felt as if some kind heart had touched the skin there. Then the stream nearby seemed to increase in volume for a second before it ceased. "My father just said hello too." Itachi smiled and lay next to Kisame. His face then went to its passive expression as he stated,

"Amizu told us everything."

"No." Kisame cut Itachi off. Itachi looked at his lover.

"What?" Kisame closed his eyes and said,

"No one but me could tell you everything because only me and my parents were there. So, I will tell you everything. Just, give me time." He held Itachi's hand and looked into those deep eyes that he had fallen in love with. "Please?" Itachi glanced to the side and replied,

"I'm sorry." Kisame laughed,

"Nothing to be sorry about, I..."

A shrill yet low whistle rang out throughout the whole village and all the way to the cathedral. "What's that?" Itachi asked, standing up and dusting himself off. Kisame followed suit, saying,

"I don't know. That must be something new that they added since I've been gone." And with that, Kisame and Itachi walked off towards the main part of the village.

________________________________________________________________________________________

It was hectic trying to find everyone in the mass of people that were lining the streets. It was only upon hearing Naruto's voice that the two eldest Hatake orphans had any idea of where to go. "Naruto!" Kisame yelled over to the blonde. The small teenager turned and waved the two over. Once they were all together, Kisame asked, "What's going on guys?" Zabuza and Raiga gasped when they saw that Kisame had come back. They shared a glance before Raiga asked,

"Um, Kisame. Are you sure that you've had enough time with your parents? I mean, you could always go back." Kisame shook his head,

"Whatever is going on seems important. So I decided to cut the meeting short." Sasuke, being the observant teen that he is, had looked around and took in various details. First off, everyone had solemn looks on their faces. Then, a lot of them had taken the time to get at least one article of black clothing on themselves. Finally, everyone was quiet, deathly so. Something was wrong. _Very_ wrong. When it was as silent as the graveyard that Kisame and Itachi had just left, the sound of bells could be heard in the distance. They were soft, prolonged, and mournful. Naruto grasped onto Sasuke's arm and whimpered,

_"Sasuke, I'm scared."_ Sasuke held on tightly to the blonde's arm. Everyone else looked on towards the end of the road. Then, finally, a group of men, shrouded in black, were seen marching sorrowfully towards the town. They carried a large, shroud-covered wooden platform between them. Kisame's face turned fearful. He didn't know what was on the platform, but his intuition had a good idea. Raiga silently began crying so Ranmaru handed his fiancé a handkerchief. After a long, sorrowful procession, the men stopped in the middle of town for a while.

**TG-** I wonder if the readers of this tale have ever had a situation like the following: when something has occurred in your life that you think is the worst thing that could have possibly happened actually happens.

(As if drawn by some unseen force, Kisame walks closer to the group of men, despite Itachi's protests. When he get close enough, his eyes widened at the sight that his eyes behold. His eyes widen into petrified specks of black and his breathing increases immediately.)

**TG- **And then, something even more horrible happens to add to your previous pain and suffering.

A frail, feminine hand falls from beneath the sheet. On the skin, slithering disgustingly, are what look like small, grubby, little pieces of black, decaying flesh. Underneath the skin there is movement of the same type. Kisame began hyperventilating at this point. Yet then, as a writhing sprout, one of the black things breaks through the skin of the hand. Covered in blood, gnashing small, sharp teeth, it sniffed around itself. At that moment, Kisame keeled over and fainted.

"KISAME!!!"

________________________________________________________________________________________

_La, la la, la la la la. _

_La, la la. _

_La, la la, la la la la. _

_La, la la, la la._

Kisame finds himself in a weird place. The sky is white, the water like blood, and the land as black as night. The teen look at his surroundings then himself. His whole person was over-toned in blue. "Where the hell am I?" He whispered. From the distance,

"Mother! Father! Hurry!" Kisame whipped his head towards the water and gasped. His parents were loading up a boat and there with them, was a young Kisame. The boy was smiling brightly as he helped his parents load up the boat.

"NOO!!" He screamed. The young man ran as fast as his legs would carry him, yelling all the while. "Stop! PLEASE, STOP!!!" He yelled over as his family put up the sail. "CHECK YOUR BOAT! PLEASE, CHECK YOUR BOAT!!" He screamed bloody-murder. The black ground rose up, like some sort of creature and tripped the shark. Kisame barked as he fell to the ground. Looking up, he saw the scene fade away. He heard the blood-curdling screams rise. "No... Not again..."

_The sea, it takes everything_

_Doesn't matter what. _

_Father, mother, baby too. _

_Doesn't matter what they sought._

After a child-like voice sang those words, the scene regenerated itself. Now it was... "It's the mansion." He gasped unbelievingly at the sight of his second home all in one piece.

_"Banzai!"_ Naruto exclaimed, jumping out of the mansion. Sasuke came out next, shaking his head,

"Hey dobe, calm it down a bit, would you?" Naruto stuck out his tongue at the navy-bluenette and called back towards the door.

_"Come on, come on!"_ Itachi walked out next, then Kisame. They were all followed by Kakashi and Iruka, who stood there on the porch. Kakashi smiled and handed Kisame some money, saying,

"Don't let everyone stay out too long!" Iruka gave a warm smile and stated,

"But most of all, have fun all of you!" As the four teens left the house, the actual Kisame looked back at the building, especially above it. And coiled serpent had appeared where the sun should have been and, not even a few seconds later, the mansion was in flames.

"Kakashi? Iruka?!" Kisame screamed. The two adults waved a little while longer before they walked into the burning mansion. "Wait, come back!" Kisame tried running towards them but he tripped again. He growled, tears streaming down his face as he crawled forward. "You guys... Can't leave me too..!!"

_Fires, they eat everything, _

_Doesn't matter who. _

_Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, _

_Whatever can you do?_

Yet, when Kisame tried to lift up his hand again, he found his hand sinking in some sort of foul, black ooze. "What?" he gasped and tried to get up, but his whole body was sinking fast. As he sunk further and further, Kisame noticed, "What the..? .. Hurts..!" The black ooze began to take the form of thousands of small, slithering, slimy little creatures. "Dear God! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" He screamed.

_Fall into the darkness, _

_It welcomes all. _

_Even the most righteous men _

_Will eventually fall._

Yet no one could hear him as the foul creatures covered him up. "I CAN'T DIE HERE, I CAN'T!! I have too much that I haven't done yet! I have to make sure that Sasuke and Naruto can live full lives after all this turmoil!! And Itachi! I... I STILL HAVE TO ASK ITACHI TO MARRY ME!!!" Just as the creatures were about to cover his face, something shined through from the sky. It caused the slimy things to retreat slightly. A voice accompanied it.

"Kisame..." The teen looked up.

"Mother?" A new voice came in,

"Kisame..."

"Iruka..?" Kisame asked, feeling weak. Finally, a third voice called,

"Kisame!" Just before Kisame closed his eyes, he murmured,

"Itachi..."

________________________________________________________________________________________

Itachi sat by a bed in which Kisame was laying down. A second ago, Kisame had begun groaning and thrashing about in a cold sweat. "Kisame? Kisame, it's okay, wake up!" Itachi began to shake the shark slightly, trying to wake him up. "Kisame, stop it! Wake up!" The shark was still thrashing about wildly and Itachi was afraid that Kisame might fall off of the bed and hurt himself. "Kisame!" He yelled. That did it, Kisame bolted up where he lay, panting profusely with beads of sweat on his forehead. Wide black eyes darted around the room frantically, not sure if he had woken up or if his mind was warping even worse. "Kisame? Kisame, look at me." Those frightened eyes stared into Itachi's and the younger teen saw something in those eyes that portrayed just how scared Kisame was right now. "Calm down... It's going to be okay." Kisame exhaled heavily before falling back onto the bed, the mattress squeaking from the force.

"Where..?"

"Aunt Tsunade's house." Itachi stated, already guessing the question. "We had no choice but to call Tsunade after you fainted. Then there was the screaming..." Itachi trailed off, the memory of the usually calm shark yelling in agony to the point that Zabuza and Father Amizu had to gag the young man. Kisame closed his eyes and whispered,

"I'm so sorry, Itachi. I just wanted to get everyone's minds off of what had happened and I just made a scene. I have to apologize to everyone, let me get up and..."

"Lie down, Kisame!!" Kisame jolted. Hearing Itachi yell something was a very rare occurrence. Yet, here in this room, he was being faced with a very angry looking brunette. "If you don't lay back down on this bed and relax, so help me God, I will tie you down! Look!" The brunette held up a few coils of rope, "Zabuza even gave me these just in case." Kisame stared on at the brunette for a while longer until a smile grew on his face and he chuckled.

"Just like Zabuza to do something like that. Alright then, I'll stay." Kisame laid back on the bed and stayed quiet for a while. Itachi took this opportunity to sigh and practically collapse into his chair. The only noise in the room for a while was that of the clock on the wall. Slowly tick-tocking away. Itachi almost fell asleep with the deafening silence. Just before he nodded off, Kisame's voice broke the silence. "I remember that that day started out so sunny..." Itachi straightened up.

"What?" Kisame continued gazing at the ceiling. He began again,

"We were trying to go to the mainland in order to get some supplies for the village. And the only way to the mainland..." He gulped. "Was through Lake Lacrymose."

_Flashback... _

_"Now let's see..." Nokoru went over his list one more time as Mizuko and a six year-old Kisame continued loading necessities onto the boat. "We need to get lumber for the new school-building, rice, salt, grain... and some fruit crates." Mizuko had just placed a barrel onto the boat when she called over, _

_"What about the cows?" Nokoru nodded, _

_"Of course, how dare I forget about the cows?", he added that item to the list, smiling. Kisame had loaded a box onto the ship and he cheered, _

_"That's all of it! Come on, let's go!" He ran over to the side of the boat and looked down at the water. "It's so pretty..." He called back again, "Mother! Father! Hurry!" Nokoru and Mizuko looked at their son and then each other, smiling. _

_"Well, he has the right idea, love." Mizuko kissed her husband's cheek, "Let's be off then." _

_"Fine, fine." Nokoru replied. They were all on the boat, Kisame sitting with his legs over the bow, Mizuko rummaging in the galley, and Nokoru waiting for the wind to change. When the gales were in their favor, the grey-haired man hoisted up the sail, it catching the wind almost immediately. In a few seconds, they were out on the Lake's waters in their big sail-boat, with their list of needed supplies and their hull filled with food... _

_At the end of the day, when the sky overhead was mixing violet with orange, Mizuko had made dinner and was serving it to her family. "Here we are." She said, that warm smile on her face. Kisame dug into his food, not thinking twice while Nokoru ate sparingly between navigations. When dinner was done, Kisame fell asleep on the deck under the stars while his parents enjoyed a glass of wine. "'Bout how long do you think it will take us, love?"Mizuko asked. _

_"Hard to say, this is my first time on Lacrymose and no one had any information about it." Nokoru replied, downing the rest of his glass's contents. "Well, we'll know when we reach our destination, right?" Mizuko smiled again before going to check on Kisame. _

_Not even a minute later, the screeching began. It was distant, not even recognizable at first. But then it came closer and closer, to a point where it woke up Kisame. "Mother?" He asked, "What's the screeching about?" Mizuko shook her head, _

_"Don't know, sweet-heart, but I'll go find out, alright? Just go back to sleep, right?" Mizuko walked over to where her husband was looking towards a certain spot of the lake. Kisame didn't go to sleep. "What is all the racket?" She asked. The man shook his head, _

_"Something's wrong..." He looked towards the water again and gasped. _

_"What is it?!" Nokoru pointed towards the water and when Mizuko looked, her eyes widened in fear. The water was rippling. Nothing normal like something being tossed in but it was like something was swimming towards them. "What in the ocean's name..?" Mizuko narrowed her eyes, trying to see what could be doing all this. _

_"Go get Kisame." Nokoru commanded. _

_"What?" _

_"Now, Mizuko!!" The blue-haired woman flinched but she knew by the way her usually calm husband was acting, she shouldn't play around with this. She nodded before walking over to her son. The blue boy's eyes were wide. _

_"Mother? What did Father say?" Mizuko picked up her son, saying, _

_"Come on, sweet-heart." When she picked up the boy, the boat jerked violently. It was like some massive creature slammed into it. Mizuko and Kisame screamed as they fell to the deck. Nokoru jumped off of the top of the boat. As he was running towards his family, he saw something crawling up onto the deck. It was small, squishy-looking, black... Nokoru didn't say anything but he tried to back away and find a new way towards his wife and child. As soon as his foot touched the wet surface, the thing lurched and shot itself at Nokoru and landed on his exposed hand. Nokoru didn't even have time to gasp before the creature began digging into his skin. _

_"AAGGHH!!" He screamed in pain, trying to grab at it but the thing had already gone into his arm. Thinking fast, He ripped off the sleeve of his shirt. Sure enough, there was squirming underneath his flesh. He clenched his arm on his arm near his elbow, stopping the squirming. He then yelled, "MIZUKO!" She gasped and placed Kisame on the floor, saying, _

_"Stay here!" Kisame could only nod as his mother ran towards his father, who was crouched on the ground. "What is it?" _

_"Get my knife... from my pocket..." Nokoru hissed. Mizuko immediately got and unsheathed the utensil. "Now, when I move my hand..." Nokoru groaned, "Stab the knife into my elbow and pull out." Mizuko gasped, on the verge of tears but she nodded. Nokoru waited a second and when he said, "Now!" He moved his hand and Mizuko slammed the knife in and pulled it out, trying her hardest to drown out her husband's screams. When she had pulled out the knife, she stared horrified at what was impaled on the knife. The small, black, blood-covered creature twitched on the knife-point. "It's like... a leech." _

_Kisame only watched on as he saw his father's arm bleeding worse than it ever had in any point of his life. He didn't have long to think about it though because there was more of that horrid screeching from behind him. He slowly turned around and saw a group of those things heading towards him. "Mother! Father!!" He screamed, trying to scramble away from where he was. Mizuko screamed, _

_"Kisame!!" Before she grabbed the nearest big thing, a broom, and ran over to where her son was. She put herself in front of the boy. With a yell, she swatted the things away with all of her might and they flew back into the ocean. "Oh! Kisame, are you alright?!" Kisame nodded shallowly, half there, half not. Mizuko carried her son over to where Nokoru was. When she arrived, she saw that her husband was carrying an axe. "Nokoru?" The man pointed over to the edge of the boat and Mizuko walked over to where her husband indicated. When she and Kisame were standing on the bow, Nokoru raised the axe high above him. Mizuko flinched but then there was a splintering of wood. She and Kisame looked down and saw Nokoru swinging away at the bow of the boat, trying to make sure that there was enough space for his wife and son. "Nokoru?! What are you doing?!" Mizuko screamed. _

_"They're trying to sink the boat." Nokoru grunted out. "Even if I die, I need you two to survive." Kisame screamed, _

_"Father!!" His eyes filling with tears. Mizuko shook her head, _

_"I should.. Stay with you..." Nokoru shook his head. _

_"You have to watch over our son." He kept on chopping and chopping until the boat shook again. They all stopped still and looked at the center of the boat. The next moment, it burst open and a black geyser exploded through. Kisame was creaming again, pressing himself into his mother's embrace, Mizuko looked wide-eyed at the spectacle. Nokoru watched for a second before he whispered, "I love you both.", then kicked at the bow. It broke away and fell into the water, Mizuko and Kisame screaming all the way. When the mass of wood landed in the water, Mizuko screamed back, _

_"NOKORU!" She was forced to watch as the mass of leech-like creatures surrounded and devoured her husband. Just before they landed on him, she clamped a hand over Kisame's eyes. Holding back sobs, she got into the water and began to push the wooden platform away from the wreck. _

_For Kisame, watching his mother cry silently while pushing him for hours on the platform was horrible. "Mother? You can come on here and I'll push you." Mizuko shook her head and looked up, giving a weak smile. _

_"No sweet-heart, Mother has to do this." About four hours later, Kisame, who had been dozing off, was ripped away from the drowsy embrace from a exclamation of pain from in front of him. _

_"Mother?!" Mizuko's eyes were wide from obvious pain but she kept on pushing. Kisame didn't know what was going on until there was a flash of light from behind them. He turned around and saw lights. Thousands of them, like a swarm of fireflies. He shouted, "There's a city!", then he turned around to his mother and stated, "Mother, there's the mainland up ahead! It's going to be okay and.. and..." Kisame looked down. The water around Mizuko's waist was churning and red. "Mother!" He screamed, "Get on the platform, please!!" Mizuko didn't respond, from fatigue or from not being able to hear anything over the pain, she didn't know. All that was going through her mind was, _

_'Have to save Kisame... Doesn't matter if I die... Must save Kisame!' It may have been only 45 minutes to an hour, but to Kisame, and most assuredly to his mother, it seemed like eternity. But finally, Mizuko managed to push the platform to the shore. When she was sure that Kisame was safe on land, she supported herself on her hands as she waited for Kisame to get off the piece of wood. The little shark jumped off and immediately went to his mother's aid. He looked at her body, half of which was still hidden by the water. _

_"Mother?" He looked into her eyes. They looked so tired. "Mother, you have to get up! We have to get you to a doctor and..!" Mizuko with her last bit of strength, raised a hand to Kisame's cheek. The shark began crying when she whispered these words, _

_"..Love... You... Always... Love.. you..." She collapsed onto the sand, her blood staining the beach. Kisame choked a bit then he broke down into tears. _

_"Mother... Mother, please... Don't leave me..." Abruptly, something began to drag Mizuko's body towards the water. "What?! NO!" Kisame pulled back, he was still being dragged by the force of the leeches but he tried anyway. "Leave her alone! LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!!!" Mizuko looked up, her usually warm eyes cold. _

_"Let go, Kisame..." _

_"NO!" Kisame shrieked. Mizuko tried to raise her head and repeated, _

_"Let go, Kisa--!" She was cut off by a vicious cough. Mizuko coughed up copious amounts of blood and then two of the black creatures. At the sight of them, Kisame jumped back with a gasp. The leeches rushed towards Kisame but then did a complete 360 and went back to Mizuko's body, which in a matter of seconds, sank beneath the waves. After that, Kisame was alone. He was away from his home, his parents were gone, and he didn't know what to do. Kisame curled up into a fetal position and stayed that way for the entire night, eyes wide from fear. _

Itachi had moved to the bed during the course of Kisame's tale. He didn't want to cry, he felt like it, but he felt as if it would be an insult to Kisame if he did. Kisame had closed his eyes at the end and Itachi wasn't sure if the shark had fallen asleep from the fatigue of recalling those memories. "Kisame... I..." Itachi began but Kisame whispered,

"Don't say anything. Please. Just..." He grabbed Itachi's feminine hand and whispered, "Just stay here for a little bit." How could Itachi say no? He laid next to Kisame and curled up closer to his lover. After Kisame took a few minutes of quiet, he said, "Iruka found me a few weeks later."

_Flashback... _

_Kisame was sleeping in an alleyway behind a pub, trying his best to curl up besides a trash can to get some peace. "Mother... Father..." He groaned, clutching at his stomach. After that night, he hadn't eaten a thing. Not because he couldn't (which he couldn't), because anytime he thought about food, he thought back to that night. He was drifting in and out of consciousness when there was a voice at the end of the alleyway. _

_"Hello? Is someone here?" Kisame opened up tired black eyes, trying to focus on what was in front of him. It seemed to be a woman.. No, a man. Pretty for a man, with brown hair up in a pony-tail and caramel-tan skin. Kisame tried to curl closer to the trash can, lest this angel of a man see him like this, but he had no energy. So he just closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. The footsteps got closer and closer until they stopped. Kisame stayed quiet but he tried to look up when he heard the man ask. "Hello there. What are you doing here?" Kisame tried talking, but he didn't have energy for that either. "Oh you poor thing." The man sighed before kneeling down and picking Kisame up. Kisame's eyes widened at the contact. This man just saw a dirty little kid on the street and he picks them up like it's nothing? Oh, but the man had a voice like an angel! And, he took a sniff, he smelled of cinnamon. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself. Where are your parents?" Kisame trembled and then began to cry in the man's arms. "Oh. Okay, it's okay, I understand. Well, if you don't have anyone, would you like to come with me?" Kisame gazed at the man and, he didn't know why, he felt warm inside. Kisame nuzzled into the man's shirt and the elder smiled. "Alright then. My name is Iruka Hatake. Can you tell me yours?" Kisame cleared his throat the best he could and whispered, _

_"Ki... same." Iruka held the boy close to him as he walked back to the main street and smiled. _

_"Kisame. What a strong name." _

"It was the usual from then on out. Kakashi and Iruka filed adoption papers the very same day and I went home with them. I will be eternally grateful to them, but..." Kisame, the strong, current patriarch of the Hatake family, choked on a sob, "I miss _my_ parents... Both my own and Kakashi and Iruka..!" Kisame began to bawl right there in front of Itachi, not holding anything back. Itachi shook his head, rubbing the shark's back in a soothing manner.

"Go on. Let it out." The brunette lay there and tried his best to console Kisame. It was a strange twist, usually Kisame was the one consoling them but with the fact that he had been holding _that_ in... "It's fine. Everything's going to be okay." After a while, Kisame slowed his sobs, but the two teens stayed in the bed like that for a few hours longer. The silence was only broken when the door slammed open. Both Kisame and Itachi looked up to see an extremely pissed-off looking Tsunade stomping in. She looked at the teens with a stern look in her eyes and said, holding back fury,

"You're up. Here," She held out a bottle of juice, "I mixed some relaxant medicine in it to calm down your body a bit." Kisame took the bottle and muttered,

"Thank you, Aunt Tsunade." After the drink was consumed, Tsunade told Itachi,

"Could you give us a minute?"

"Maybe I should stay..." Itachi protested but a firm statement of,

"Now! Kid!" From the blonde-haired woman had him up and out of the room, giving one last look at Kisame before he left. When they were alone, Tsunade exclaimed, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD, KID?!!" Kisame shook his head, muttering,

"I apologize, Aunt Tsunade. The day didn't go as I had expected at all an.." Tsunade interrupted,

"FUCK THAT! You left here without so much as a damned note! All day long I've been frantically searching for you all! I had to even talk to those damn realtors..." She ended with a shudder. "Look, Kisame." She sat down on the bed by the blue-skinned teenager. "I know that you had good intentions, but..."

"The road to hell is paved with them." Kisame finished. Tsunade nodded,

"Right. So..." She stood up, going back to the door, "You guys are going to stay indoors for the rest of the day, no questions asked. Alright?" Kisame nodded. "Good. Now, um, is there anything..?"

"Could you send everyone back in here? I don't really think that I can sleep alone right now." Tsunade sighed but gave a small smile.

"Sure." With that, she was out the door. When Kisame was all by himself, he whispered to the emptiness.

"I don't think that I can sleep at all. If _that's_ waiting for me..." He was referring to the nightmares he had just experienced. "But, I should go to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

**TG- **Here, is where our young Kisame made a big mistake.

"It can't get any worse than this."

**________________________________________________________________________________________ **

**Sasuke- My God... What the fuck was that?! **

**TG- Shut up, Sasuke! I tried to reveal Kisame's past, okay? **

**Kisame- Leeches... *shudders* So many leeches... **

**TG- Yeah... Sorry about that, 'Same-kun. **

**Itachi- You traumatized my fiancé, you psychopath! **

**TG- *under breath* Clan-killer says 'what'? **

**Itachi- What? **

**Naruto- Well, the hostility is getting pretty heavy since Tyranno's girl's computer science professor pissed her off today. **

**TG- That fucking asshole!! **

**Naruto- So, if you guys could read and review, that would be most appreciated. Please? *gives his best puppy-eyes* **

**-Tyranno's girl **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Wow... People have been liking my little side-stories. I'm glad! But we must get back on track. So, here we go! **

**Disclaimer- ... I'm too poor to own anything like Naruto or A Series of Unfortunate Events! **

* * *

The next morning, Kisame woke up with a start. Another nightmare had been forming and just before he was caught up in its grasp, he forced his body to wake. Panting heavily, he looked around the room and saw something that warmed his heart a bit. Itachi was curled up next to him, Naruto on the shark's other side, and Sasuke taking the foot of the bed for himself. Kisame smiled and silently got out of the bed. It had been a while since they all had shared a bed like this. However, he needed to see if Tsunade needed anything.

And, of course, if she was still mad.

* * *

"Tsunade?" The blue-haired teen called out as he walked into the main hall. As he walked, the whole house gave a groaning creak before shaking slightly. Kisame shivered as a cold air blew past. "This place will be the death of someone..." He rubbed his arms and then walked to the parlor where he heard noise coming from.

He stopped just outside of the room and saw Tsunade. The blonde woman was standing in front of a cabinet. It was made of glass so she could see everything inside. She sighed and opened it up, taking out a golden picture frame and gazing at it. It was quiet for a moment before she stated, "It hurts, doesn't it?" Kisame nodded, already knowing what the woman was referring to. The older teen walked in, saying,

"The fact that you have to go through every day without them..."

"The knowing that they were taken from you before their rightful time..." Tsunade added.

"The constant, nagging feeling deep in your heart." Kisame said, "The one that always makes you feel as though..."

"It was all your fault." They both said in unison. Kisame pinched the bridge of his nose, really not wanting to cry again. Tsunade silently wiped a gloved hand at her eyes. The blonde then asked,

"How do you get through it, Kisame? I've been struggling for years with this! How do you do it?" All was silent for a minute. Then,

"I just have to look to the future." Kisame sighed, "I can't go on through life dwelling on the past. Yes, I'm still recovering and the nightmares are hell but..." He looked at Tsunade dead-on and stated, "I have a family to take care of! If I'm not strong for them, who will be?!" Tsunade nodded before placing the frame back into the cabinet. She turned and asked, a watery smile on her face,

"Was it a good service?" Kisame looked at the cabinet and saw the picture that Tsunade had held. It was of her, that same black-haired girl, and Jiraiya all together, taming a dragon. He smiled back,

"Yes. I could only wish that..." Before Kisame could finish, there was an exclamation from the kitchen.

_"There's nothing to eat!!"_ Kisame scoffed, smiling,

"Well, Naruto's up!" Tsunade smiled and said,

"Let me get my purse and you four get ready. We'll go do some shopping in town.", before she walked off to her room.

* * *

The Hatake orphans were both excited and perturbed by their Aunt wanting to go out. They were excited because, well, she _never_ wanted to leave her house. But they guessed that their little trip to Kirigakure and her having to come get them had loosened her up a bit.

They were perturbed because, well...

"Watch out for those carrots! They're very sharp!"

"Ah! Those blackberries could stain your clothes!"

"That lemon's juice could blind you!"

Sasuke groaned and put the yellow fruit down. Was this woman afraid of _everything_?! It seemed so as she warned the orphans to stay away from every food they saw. Tsunade was so engrossed by her paranoia that she didn't notice that someone was in front of her until she bumped into them.

"Whoops! Sorry about that, Mr...." She looked up and her brown eyes instantly locked onto the golden ones of the man in front of her. He had very pale skin, long black hair that was tied into a pony tail, wore a rain-coat, and had drawn a goatee onto his chin. His eyes narrowed mischievously as he cooed,

"Fakeson. Ian Fakeson..." He took Tsunade's hand and kissed it, "At your service." Tsunade blushed at the man's deep voice and found herself being slowly charmed by this tall, pale stranger.

"Oh, come on!" Sasuke shouted. "'Fakeson'?!" Kisame scoffed,

"That sounds about as real as that goatee..." 'Ian' blinked confusedly and Tsunade stomped over to the orphans. She glared at them all before whispering,

"Guys... You realize that I've been single for nineteen years. I think that I've been good enough to play the field a bit, huh?"

"But with Orochimaru?!" Itachi whispered/screamed. "He's got to be twice as old as you! Not to mention the fact that he's pure evil!!" Tsunade raised an eyebrow to see 'Ian' looking at plums for sale. She turned and said,

"He looks nothing like _that_ monster! Now, if you excuse me..." The blonde woman walked over to the man, a wide smile on her face, and latched onto his arm. The orphans could hear something along the lines of 'Let me show you my fishing-boat' and then the two were gone. Naruto was about to go after his Aunt. He yelled,

_"No! Don't go with him, he's a killer!"_ But Sasuke held him back from running. Naruto turned and cried, _"But we have to go after her, Teme! She could get hurt!"_ Sasuke held up his hand and said,

"Shh... The stalls have eyes, you know."

_"What are you talking about..?"_ Naruto began but he shut up when he saw Kisame walking to the main vendor's stall and handing the person there some money. He gave a sarcastic smirk and asked,

"Give Kabuto my regards." A gloved hand reached out and took the money. Naruto gasped and his eyes widened as he recognized the woman as the orange-haired witch who they had seen at Orochimaru's mansion. Kisame quickly walked back to the group and they all silently walked back to Tsunade's house.

* * *

The trek to the creaking mansion seemed all the longer this time, for some strange reason. Maybe it was because of the fact that Tsunade had just gone off with the devil himself. Or maybe it was because of the sky filling up with churning, gray storm clouds. It could have been anything, including the fact that Tsunade's house was on the highest hill in the town, but the air held a horrible sense of... disaster.

_"The sky looks so angry..."_ Naruto mused, stopping to look at the clouds. Kisame looked back and called out,

"We should get inside before the storm comes guys! Let's go!" They all followed the shark's advice and trudged up the hill. When they finally reached the mansion, it was creaking and groaning more than ever and also, the door was wide open.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Sasuke murmured. Kisame didn't waste a second before he bolted inside the house, calling out,

"Tsunade?! Tsunade! Where are you?!!" The others walked in after him and began looking around. The whole place was in shambles: pictures and things tossed and shattered to the ground, furniture knocked down all around... Kisame ran back to the main room, panting, "I don't see her!"

"She could still be with Orochimaru." Itachi suggested. During this, Naruto had wandered into the room with the large window. He looked around and called,

_"Aunt Tsunade..?"_ There was a crunch underneath his feet. The blonde looked down to see broken glass all around his feet and spread across the floor. Naruto finally turned towards the window. He yelled, _"Guys?!"_ Itachi and Sasuke ran towards the window room but Kisame faltered a bit before going the opposite way: into the parlor.

* * *

In the window room, Itachi and Sasuke ran over to where Naruto stood. The blonde boy looked so scared and when they looked where he did, they saw why.

The giant window that over-looked Curdled Cave had been shattered and the crash was in the form of a person. "It... It could be nothing, right?" Sasuke asked, disbelievingly. However, when Naruto picked up a piece of black fabric, all hope was pretty much dashed. Naruto began to cry,

_"Tsunade..."_ Once again, Sasuke was going to console his saddened dobe. But suddenly, he saw something hanging from the ceiling. It was a piece of paper suspended from a thin thread.

"Itachi. Could you get that?" The older raven nodded before reaching up and getting the paper. He walked over to Sasuke and they both began to read it.

_'My Dearest Hataces...'_ Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"Um... I think she meant 'Hatakes'." Itachi shook his head,

"Sasuke, this isn't the time." Nonetheless, they began to read again,

_'My Dearest Hataces, _

_It has all become tooo mmuch for mee to bear...'_ Sasuke then said,

"Something's not right here..." Itachi scoffed and said,

"Oh, for the love of..!", then took the letter.

* * *

"Now where was it?" Kisame mused as he walked around the parlor, searching for something. He walked over to the glass cabinet and looked at everything. Finally, he saw it. "There you are." He opened the cabinet and took out a picture surrounded by a golden frame. He placed the frame in his coat-pocket before calling out, "Have you guys found her yet?!!" He began to quickly walk towards the window room when there was a large crack from the floor. Kisame looked down very slowly before he realized. There were cracks and fracture-lines all over the floor of the house. And with every gust of wind that hit the house, the cracks would increase in size... "Shit!" Kisame growled before running to the window room.

* * *

_'My Dearest Hataces, _

_It has all become two mmuch for mee to bear. By the ttime yoou find this letter, it will be far too late. I will probably deceaced and swupt aray by dhe waves for aul do fendd. I now leave you all in the Ccustody af my new lovve, Ian Fakesone. I wish you all happiness, _

_Tsunade_

Itachi gave a shuddering sigh as he finished reading the letter. Finally, he stated, "That was his plan. Orochimaru forced Tsunade to write this will and sign us over to him before he pushed her out of the window." Naruto was still crying and Sasuke was still skeptical. Just then, Kisame walked in, asking,

"Did you guys find her?" Naruto replied, sniffling,

_"What's left of her..."_ Kisame gulped but took the letter that Itachi had in his hands. However, after a quick look and a frown he stated,

"This isn't right..." Sasuke walked over and, pulling a pencil out of his pocket, said,

"I knew it!" The younger raven took the letter and said, "Tsunade's OCD wouldn't let her make this many mistakes. I read about something like this in a book once. Now let's see..." He combed over the letter quickly and then began, "It's some sort of code..." He began with the first line: "That 'C' shouldn't be there..."

C...

Then the second: "This should be 'too' not 'two'..."

O...

Then : "An extra 'M'...

and 'E'..."

By the time that Sasuke finished, a few minutes later, a message had been spelled out:

_COME TO CURDLED CAVE_

"She's still alive..." Itachi sighed in relief. Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes and started jumping for joy,

_"Aunt Tsunade's still alive! Aunt Tsunade's still alive!" _In truth, all the Hatake orphans were happy at that point in time. But a loud crack jolted Kisame from their brief moment of ease.

"Naruto!" He whispered, "Stop it!" The blonde slowed his movements but asked,

_"Why?"_ Suddenly, the cracks that were in the parlor floor grew out all the way to the window room and the rest of the house. Everyone was quiet. Very calmly and softly, Kisame stated,

"Alright. Now everyone... Just slowly... walk out of the room and..."

There was a sound like thunder and all the windows and glass in the mansion shattered. Powerful gales of wind burst through and began to rip through the house. The orphans could barely hear each other's screams over the wind, it was that deafening. Kisame, realizing that his voice wouldn't work now, began to pull at Itachi's arm. The older raven, getting the message, then grabbed Sasuke's arm who followed in grabbing Naruto's. They all then began to walk through the storm that was once Tsunade's mansion. When they got to the main room, they all saw the stove fall onto its side right near a door. They could do nothing but watch as the flames for the damaged stove engulfed the glass door-knob. It was when it turned an angry red that Sasuke yelled,

"Oh, you've got to be kidding!!" Kisame shoved everybody down to the ground just as the door-knob shattered into a million red-hot shards. When that was done, they all got up again and tried walking but were interrupted by a large groan. They looked on as the refrigerator shook a bit then fell and rushed towards them. All four males scattered quickly, allowing the refrigerator to rush past and crash through a wall. The four regrouped and made it to the doorway just before the whole mansion gave a deafening roar of a groan. Kisame silently huddled everyone together and they braced themselves for impact.

In the village of Lacrymose, the citizens would describe the noise as if thunder had met a stampede of rhinoceros.

The four orphans were still huddled together when Naruto's voice, small and weak, asked, _"Are we still alive?"_ They all slowly stood to their feet and gasped at the scene. All that was left of Tsunade's house was the doorway that they had taken shelter in, a fire-extinguisher, an anchor, and the front door-threshold. Sasuke gulped audibly while Itachi asked,

"What do we do now?" Kisame was about to respond when the doorway swayed to the side.

_"HELP ME!"_ Naruto cried when his feet lost their hold on the wooden planks. Sasuke grabbed the blonde's wrist and pulled him back up. Itachi looked at the stilts that supported the doorway. They were flimsy, at best, and didn't look like they could stand much more of their combined weight. Itachi's mind raced as the doorway swayed back again and kept on until Kisame asked,

"Itachi, I hope that you have an idea or else this is going to turn out very badly..." Itachi gulped. However, when he looked at the anchor, fire-extinguisher, and the stilts again, his frantic mind came up with something. Tying up his hair, Itachi stated,

"Guys, get the anchor and the fire-extinguisher and meet me over here." Very carefully, but still minding the fact that they didn't have time to waste, Kisame and Sasuke carried over the giant metal anchor while Naruto rolled over the fire-extinguisher. "Okay, now we just place the anchor like so..." They all worked together to rest the anchor on top of the red canister. "Now, when I say 'go', we'll push the anchor towards the stilts." Sasuke shook his head and interjected,

"I'm sorry to interrupt here, but did you just say that we're going to destroy the only things anchoring us to this cliff?" Itachi nodded. The younger raven gulped but said, "Okay." Then, they all got into position and gave a few practice rolls of the anchor.

"Ready..?" The wind blew. "Go!" The all gave a mighty shove and the anchor went flying towards the stilts. With a splintering crash, the anchor destroyed the stilts. Only one remained under the doorway and without the support of the others, it was weakening fast. "Alright now, everyone get ready..!" Itachi began as the platform rocked back and forth. It was right in front of the door when Itachi yelled, "JUMP!" Everyone did and, miraculously, they all made it out of the precarious remains of the mansion.

After they had gotten out, the rest of the debris fell to the briny waters below. Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto looked on at the scene until Sasuke asked, "Now what do we do?" Kisame straightened himself up and walked a few steps away. He put both of his hands in his pockets and in one, felt the stained glass picture of Kakashi and Iruka, and in the other, felt the golden picture frame he had picked up. The shark-like teen gave a sigh and then turned, stating,

"We save Tsunade." Just when they were all about to agree, they heard a voice calling from the waters below. They looked down and saw what looked like a silver-haired fisherman on a boat. But when they spoke,

"Hey! Kisame! Come down here so we can back to Orochimaru's, huh? It's a lot warmer than this dingy old place!" Kisame growled,

"Kabuto..." Sasuke spoke up,

"We should go to the police..." But Itachi yelled back,

"And do what, Sasuke? They won't listen to us without proof!!" Amongst all the chaos, Naruto looked back to Kisame and saw that the older teen was staring at the lake.

_"Kisame?"_ He asked. Kisame sighed and began walking towards the village. Upon seeing this, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto followed, the elder raven asking,

"Where are you going?" Kisame slowed his steps and asked,

"If we're going to get Tsunade... We'll need a boat, right?" Itachi gulped, then silently nodded.

**TG-** Sasuke had read exactly five books on sailing and two on meteorology. Whereas Kisame had retained some of his skills from back in Kirigakure.

(The scene shows Itachi and Naruto sitting on a small rowboat while Sasuke navigates and Kisame hoists a makeshift sail.)

However, it is one thing to do something in theory and another to do it in practice. Little could have prepared them for the passage to Curdled Cave over a cold, inhuman lake.

(Gales are beginning to rise but luckily everyone manages to hold on to the small craft long enough to get to the cave.)

But as the storms clear and the water calms, the orphans couldn't help but feel a brief moment of courage. A fleet instance of joy in their other-wise woeful lives.

(The orphans get out of the boat and walk into the dripping cave, Sasuke briefly noticing a 'For Sale' sign on the side of the entrance.)

They had made it. And if their guardian could not rescue them...

They would rescue their guardian.

(Enter scene with the four teens looking for their Aunt.)

"Aunt Tsunade?" Itachi called out as they walked through the leaking and dripping cave. They had wandered around the cave until they heard a loud sobbing. "Aunt Tsunade is that you?" There were answered when the sobbing increased and Tsunade crawled onto the top of a nearby rock, waving to them.

_"Aunt Tsunade!!"_ Naruto exclaimed in joy, running to the blonde woman. Tsunade herself cried in relief and joy,

"You guys did it! You deciphered my note, I knew you would!" She let go of Naruto and continued as the teens walked over, "It almost killed me when Orochimaru made me write that note, and to put in all those errors... UGH!" The Hatake orphans smiled a bit, simply relieved that everyone was okay. Tsunade smiled before asking, "So did you bring the groceries?" Kisame laughed disbelievingly,

"What? Groceries?" Tsunade huffed.

"Well, yes!" Sasuke gritted out,

"We just sailed our way through a storm!"

"That doesn't matter!" Tsunade began, walking a few steps to the side, "How are we supposed to live in this cave without any food?!" Itachi shook his head,

"Live in the cave?! You need to come back with us so that we can have evidence against Orochimaru!" Tsunade shook her head and replied,

"Hell no!", walking away. Kisame followed her and then said, face stone-cold and serious,

"You are our guardian. You're supposed to take care of us!!" Tsunade shook her head softly. She whispered,

"If it means dealing with Orochimaru, then I can't be your guardian anymore..." Kisame was about to snap, he could feel it, but rather than make this situation worse, he walked away and was trying to control his breathing. The aura of the cave was tense for the few minutes that followed. Suddenly, Sasuke was chuckling softly. Everyone looked toward him before he stated,

"You know, it's funny. Curdled Cave is for sale, I read it outside."

"So?" Tsunade answered, rubbing her chilly arms,

"So, sooner or later, people are bound to come looking at it." The younger raven walked to face Tsunade. "And some of those people... will be realtors."

Tsunade froze.

* * *

Kisame and Sasuke were rowing the boat, now with Tsunade in tow. Itachi was watching as Tsunade was glancing all around herself at the water, fear clearly evident in her eyes. But he also heard Kisame, who had his eyes closed and was muttering, "Don't look at the water. Don't look at the water. Don't look at the water." Itachi shook his head but even he had to admit... There was something odd about this water.

Sasuke pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and opened it up, revealing the design of a snake in a hexagon. "Do you know what this is?" Tsunade's eyes widened slightly and she asked,

"Where did you get that?"

"From Orochimaru's. Now tell me what this is!" Sasuke commanded.

"Sasuke!" Itachi chastised his younger brother for being rude. But Tsunade whispered,

"..Fires..." The two ravens flinched when they heard the word.

"He was investigating fires?" Itachi asked. Tsunade sighed,

"Oh, we all were. Jiraiya, me, Kakashi…" She drifted off. Sasuke leaned forward a bit.

"Our parents?" Tsunade slowly nodded. Then she looked at all of the orphans and said,

"Guys. There are good people and bad people in this world. Those who start the fires and those who put them out." Sasuke asked,

"Did Orochimaru have something to do with this? Tsunade, tell us!" The blonde woman turned and groaned,

"Oh, I said too much already! It's not too late, maybe we can go back to the cave and I just deal with the realtors!" She tried to stand up but Itachi held her down. The three struggled for a bit, trying to get Tsunade to calm down. "Let me go! Let me go!!" The woman screamed.

"Tell us what they said Tsunade!!" They let Tsunade sit up and she opened her mouth to speak. However, her eyes drifted towards the water.

"Hey, you were saying?" Suddenly, Naruto's voice popped up,

"_Hey! Kisame! Why'd you stop rowing?"_ Glancing back, Itachi saw Kisame sitting as still as stone, looking in the same direction Tsunade had looked at.

"We're all going to die." Tsunade whispered with fear restricting her voice.

"What?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"IT'S THE LEECHES!!!" Tsunade screamed. Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto turned and saw that the water a mile in front of them was churning as it moved towards them.

Itachi gulped, remembering what had happened in Kirigakure. If seeing that corpse had such an effect on Kisame, what would this do. The brunette slowly moved closer to Kisame and whispered, "Kisame… Are you alright?" The eldest teen didn't answer. "Kisame?" Still nothing. "Kisame, please talk to me. I think we might have a situation here…" Tsunade yelled,

"Damn right we have a fucking situation here!! You little bastards have basically put me to death, I'll have you know!!" All at once, it seemed, Kisame got up and handed an oar to Sasuke, Naruto, and Itachi.

"We have to go back." He stated.

"But what about..?" Sasuke tried.

"NOW!" Kisame roared, making Sasuke flinch a bit. Everyone got to rowing as fast as they could. Tsunade was rocking back and forth, mumbling panicky nonsense to herself while everyone else rowed.

"Kisame?" Itachi asked.

"Shut up and row, Itachi." Itachi flinched but kept silent. After a few minutes, Naruto whined,

"_My arms are getting tired!"_ Kisame growled with agitation,

"Naruto, please not now, I--!" They all screamed out when their boat was hit with inhuman force. They were all lucky not to be thrown into the water but now they were surrounded on all sides. And it didn't exactly help when the leeches started to actually break through the hull of the boat.

"Wait a second!" Itachi yelled out. "None of us have eaten anything, why are they coming after us?!!" Tsunade gulped and huddled into herself. Kisame saw this and asked,

"Tsunade... What the hell happened between you and Orochimaru?" The blonde woman looked away but when the boat shook again she exclaimed,

"Don't blame me! I wasn't even expecting to leave the cave so I didn't try to fight it when he offered me a glass of wine!!" Kisame scoffed and turned away.

"Kisame?" Sasuke asked. "What's going to happen?" Kisame looked at the water surrounding them and how it was slowly moving into the boat.

"We're all..." He gulped. "Going to die." He turned to the others and choked, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET US OUT OF THIS!!"

"We're going to die!" Tsunade cried out, "We're going to drown and then we're going to die!!!" Sasuke tried to keep rowing but when he put the oar into the water, the leeches immediately began eating it. One was bold enough to begin bouncing up towards the navy-blunette before Sasuke threw the oar into the water. Naruto clutched onto Itachi's coat and cried,

_"Itachi! I'm scared!! Are we really going to die here?!"_ For a second, however, Itachi couldn't respond. It seemed that everything was going straight to hell right in front of them. It was crazy. Wait a second, that reminded him. _Kisame..._ The eldest teen hadn't broken down or anything like Itachi thought he would. That was very strange. The brunette certainly hoped that Kisame wasn't holding anything in but maybe... Maybe that was exactly what it was. Tsunade was already having a nervous breakdown, they didn't need any more chaos on this boat.

"Oh, Kisame..." It was just when everyone was giving up hope, Naruto looked in the distance and saw what appeared to be searchlights.

_"It's a boat!"_ Itachi and Sasuke turned around and saw the lights coming towards them. All three of the stood up and began calling out to whoever was on the boat, waving their arms, pleading for help.

**TG-** Yet, as unpleasant as Lacrymose leeches were...

(The boat with the searchlights moved in closer.)

...what was drifting in from the mist would prove to be much more so.

"Hello, hello, hello..." Everyone immediately felt as if they would be better off trying to swim back to the cave. Orochimaru walked to the bow of his boat and leered down at the unfortunate five. "I missed you guys." Kabuto was walking up behind the black-haired man when he spoke, "Looks like you guys could use some assistance." Sasuke yelled,

"You're going to need assistance when we get back to town! Aunt Tsunade is going to tell everyone what happened!" Orochimaru huffed and then replied,

"And then I'll be arrested and sent to jail, and you'll live happily ever after with a friendly guardian, and you'll spend your time playing music, inventing things, reading books and sharpening your little sushi-knives, and bravery and nobility will reign at last in this wicked, wicked world, and slowly but surely become a world of cheerful harmony and we'll all be singing and giggling and dancing like the happy little fox!" The elder man took a second to breathe and the continued, "Is that what you all had in mind?" It was silent except for the leeches at work. "Because I _highly_ doubt that anyone will believe the words of a dead woman!" Orochimaru hissed. Itachi stood up,

"You won't lay a hand on Tsunade! She's going to tell everything and--"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!" Itachi turned and saw both Kisame and Tsunade shaking their heads.

"What?" Itachi asked. "Tsunade... Kisame, we..." Before he could speak up, Tsunade had handed over Naruto, who was crying as she did, saying,

"You can keep the fortune! You can keep the children!!" Kabuto helped the blonde onto the boat. Then Sasuke could be heard saying,

"What the hell are you doing?!" Itachi turned and saw Kisame pushing Sasuke onto Orochimaru's boat. The older raven stomped over and exclaimed,

"What are you doing Kisame?" Kisame gave a shuddering sigh before saying,

"Get on the boat Itachi."

"It's Orochimaru, Kisame. I can't, I..." He was interrupted when Kisame grabbed his shoulders and began yelling.

"ITACHI! Look, I can't help the circumstances but I need you to get on this boat!" Itachi stepped back.

"Kisame..."

"Do you want to die here, Itachi?!!" Itachi's eyes began watering. He turned away and climbed into the boat, followed by Kisame. When the shark-like teen was on the boat, Kabuto asked,

"Trouble in paradise?" Kisame didn't respond, he simply closed his eyes and began softly rocking back and forth. Tsunade grabbed onto Orochimaru's hands and was panting heavily.

"I'll leave the country. I'll dye my hair, change my name... You'll never hear from me again!" Orochimaru smirked and sighed,

"Well, I suppose that I _could_ spare your life, I mean, you wouldn't be any burden to me..."

_"DON'T TRUST HIM!!"_ Naruto screamed.

"Quiet boy." Orochimaru hissed. "But then again," He began tightening his grip on Tsunade's hands. "If I hadn't been a very trustworthy person..." They both shared a laugh, his cool and malicious, hers nervous and frightened. However, Tsunade twitched and said,

"'Haven't'." Orochimaru raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Tsunade smiled and explained,

"You said 'hadn't'. That's bad grammar. You should have said 'You haven't been a very trustworthy person'." Sasuke shook his head, his intuition was acting up as they watched this scene. Orochimaru smiled and rubbed Tsunade's hands.

"Thank you for the grammar lesson." He looked at Kabuto and the silver-haired man turned on the engine on the boat, not full-throttle but just enough to slowly drift the boats apart. The blonde woman looked down and saw that the distance between boats was increasing. She shook her head, still smiling nervously. But Orochimaru nodded. "Thank you so much."

"No, Aunt Tsunade!" Itachi called out. The boats were still drifting and Tsunade was precariously perched on the edge of the rowboat. Finally, Orochimaru let go.

"NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE!!" Tsunade screamed, expecting to fall to her death as the feast of the carnivorous insects. However, she looked up and saw that her hands were being held by a pair of blue ones. She looked up and gasped, "Kisame?" The eldest Hatake orphan was holding Tsunade up over the increasing distance of water, refusing to let her go.

"What in the world? Let go, you idiot!" Orochimaru screamed. Kisame shook his head saying,

"I can't let go." As the boats drifted apart some more, it was getting harder for the two to stay connected. However, Tsunade sobbed,

"Don't let go! PLEASE, don't let go!!" By now, everyone was worried that the two would cause both boats to tip over. Itachi was also afraid that Kisame would fall into the churning waters. He walked over and said,

"Kisame... You have to let go!" Suddenly, he saw something that made him stop in his tracks. Kisame was sobbing, tears streaming from his eyes. The older teen shook his head and was muttering,

"I can't let go again. I can't let go again. I can't let go again. I can't let go again." Just then, there was a huge splash of water mixed with black. The leeches had gotten tired of waiting for their food to come to them, so they came to their food.

"Get in here, damn it!!" Kabuto yanked on the teen's back, causing Kisame to let go and fall into the boat.

Tsunade's screams were all that they could hear as they leeches dragged her under. Everyone was in shock. But none more than Kisame. He sat there, eyes wide, as still as stone. They all thought it was over until there was another splash of water, this one mixed with red. Worse yet, the bloody water splashed onto Kisame. The waters were once again silent.

Slow and shaky, Kisame raised his hands towards his face and stared at them. They were dripping with bloody water.

_Just like that night..._

He had let go.

_Just like that night..._

"What's with him?" Orochimaru asked. Itachi slowly walked over and knelled next to the blue-skinned teen.

"Kisame? Kisame, it's going to be okay. Alright? Everything..." There was a mutter of,

"...all my fault."

"Kisame?" The older orphan whispered,

"It's all my fault. It's always been my fault!" He screamed, "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!" Then the shark's body went into an episode of fear and agony; a screaming panic-attack just like in Kirigakure. After a minute, Orochimaru hissed,

"Shut him up!" Itachi tried his best to restrain Kisame before anything happened, groaning,

"I can't!" He looked up and called over, "Sasuke, help me!" Orochimaru scoffed,

"Don't bother. Kabuto!" The silver-haired man walked over. "What do you have on you?" Kabuto pulled a silver case out of his pocket and opened it. It contained a syringe and four small vials.

"Let's see... I have adrenaline, that's no good for right now. Cyanide... Antihistamine... And _this_." He held up a purple vial.

"What is it?" Orochimaru asked.

"A very strong sedative. The best combination of Morphine, Opium, and sleeping-drug that the hospital I worked had to offer. Yes, a single drop of this is enough to put any insomniac out for at least a few days." Orochimaru smiled.

"Excellent. Give it to him." Kabuto nodded and filled up the syringe before walking over to the orphans. Itachi yelled,

"Get away from him!" Kabuto huffed.

"You don't even know what he needs most of the time. Move out of my way and let me work!" He shoved the two ravens away and tried to get the sedative into Kisame. The problem was that he needed access to a vein and with Kisame thrashing about, it wasn't that easy to get access to. "Stay still! If I don't this right it could prove fatal!" Kisame, of course, only responded with more screaming and thrashing.

"Oh, for the love of..!" Orochimaru walked over and grabbed the syringe from Kabuto. "Honestly, if you want something done right..!!"

Then he stabbed the syringe into Kisame's back before emptying the contents. Naruto gasped. Sasuke's face was stuck in an expression of horror and fear. Kisame himself choked feeling something cold running throughout his body. With widened eyes, he turned towards Itachi before collapsing lifeless to the ground. Itachi gasped before falling to Kisame's side and shaking the teen. "Kisame? Kisame, wake up!" As time passed, it was more than clear that Kisame wasn't going to wake up. "No..." Itachi shook his head. He buried his face into the shark's chest and screamed, "NOO!!!" Naruto watched the scene, wide-eyed and, whispered,

_"Kisame... He can't really be... Can he?"_ Sasuke watched his brothers react to the scene until he was about to turn and confront Orochimaru. However, what he saw kind of shocked him.

"How dare you?!! Jiraiya and Tsunade were one thing, they were going to kick the bucket soon anyway. But you killed an innocent young man, Orochimaru!!" Kabuto screamed at the elder man. Orochimaru rolled his eyes before sighing,

"It's fine, Kabuto, less of a barrier to deal with now. We've done all that we can do here. Maybe now I'll..." The count was cut off by a loud blow-horn. They all looked towards the water and saw a large search-boat coming towards them.

"Is everyone alright over there?" Asuma's voice rang out. Orochimaru smiled and ruffled his hair a bit before smirking,

"Showtime." He walked to the edge of the boat and called out, "Mr. Asuma!! Thank God, you've arrived just in time! Kisame, he just had a panic-attack but I fear that it might turn fatal. Could you please help?!" Soon the two boats reached each other and police officers (led by that oh-so reliable Genma) rushed everyone onto their boat and tried to tend to Kisame. When the commotion calmed down, it was just Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto left out on the deck of the boat. Naruto was sobbing at the loss of his brother and Sasuke was trying to hold back his own tears as he held Naruto close to him. Itachi, however, just sat there still in shock. Was their only hope for a normal family, happiness, peace...

Gone?

"Kisame..." He whispered, a tear falling from his eyelashes to the deck floor.

* * *

**A/N: I did **_**not**_** like writing this chapter. Especially when I heard that Kisame might have died in the manga of Naruto. **

**Kisame- Wait, I'm DEAD?!! **

**Itachi- It's not that bad. They have pocky and dango on the other side. **

**TG- Anyway, this is like a bit of a cliff-hanger, ne? I hope that people will still continue to read on and enjoy. Please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: All right peoples (and yes, I meant for that 's' to be there), it's getting down to the wire. I think about two to three more chapters plus an epilogue and that will be it. So, I'm not going to keep anyone waiting, here I go. **

**Oh, hold on, wait a second! I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of the reviewers who made writing this story fun. Seriously, you guys are nothing short of AWESOME!!!**

**Disclaimer- You know... If I did own Naruto, *takes a deep breath* NONE OF THE AKATSUKI WOULD BE DEAD!!! And I still don't own anything by Lemony Snicket. **

* * *

**TG- **The mansion of Count Orochimaru. Already a dismal place but now, as the Hatake orphans readjusted to life in this, for lack of a better word, nightmare. However, it was all the more dismal for the simple reason that they were now short one orphan.

(Enter scene with Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto sitting in the dusty spare room that Kabuto led them to. Itachi was tinkering away at something with his hands, his eyes looking straight ahead in slight fear and panic.)

Sasuke sighed as he looked at a shivering Naruto and then his slowly rocking back and forth brother. The navy-blunette sighed before standing up and stating, "Itachi, we have to come up with a plan." The elder brunette pressed a nail into whatever he had in his hands before asking,

"Why would we have to do that?" Sasuke scoffed,

"Why? Maybe because we're back at Orochimaru's! He could easily kill any of us like he did Kisame and--!" Itachi threw what he had in his hands to the floor, the object shattering instantly before he yelled back,

"Kisame isn't dead, Sasuke!!" Sasuke retorted,

"Itachi! Snap out of it already! He's gone!!" Itachi was silent as he glared down at his brother and the younger Uchiha returned the motion. It went on until Naruto spoke up,

_"Is Kisame really dead?"_ He looked up at the two brunettes and continued, trying to hold back tears between each phrase, _"It's too much... First my own parents... Then Kakashi and Iruka... Then Jiraiya... Then Tsunade... But Kisame... I... I..."_ The blonde began to cry, _"Kisame was the last thing I had that even slightly resembled a father!! Now he's gone!!!"_ Sasuke sighed sadly at the blonde's words but Itachi shook his head and proceeded to leave the room.

"Itachi. Itachi, where are you going?" The elder raven replied,

"To see Kisame.", before he was gone.

"Damn it!" Sasuke clipped before he grabbed Naruto and followed his brother.

* * *

Meanwhile in the main room, Asuma, Genma, Orochimaru, and Kabuto were talking and conversing. Sometimes about the orphans but mostly about the inheritance of the Hatake fortune. The serpentine count had made sure to loosen up the conversation with some wine before he asked, "So, now that the eldest Hatake orphan has kicked the bucket..." Kabuto cleared his throat. "Er-- I mean so _tragically_ kicked the bucket, I suppose that the fortune would now go to the orphans' caregiver. Moi?" Asuma had gotten a little tipsy but he replied,

"Oh? I didn't tell you?" Orochimaru's grip on his glass tightened slightly.

"Tell me what?"

"The fortune can only passed down through the children themselves. I could have sworn that I..." The glass in Orochimaru's glass shattered.

"WHAT?!!! You mean that I killed that freakish brat for nothing?!-- I mean..." Orochimaru tried to redeem his statement but luckily Asuma was too drunk and Genma too dazed to catch it. But Asuma added,

"Yes... Of course with the exception of spouses and children of the children." Orochimaru simply hissed and fell back into his chair. Damn, all of that work had been for naught if that was the case. The count poured himself another glass of wine before drinking it all in one gulp. At that point in time, Itachi had arrived and he was livid. The second eldest Hatake orphan stomped straight over to Kabuto and demanded,

"Take me to Kisame." Kabuto huffed in response, sighing,

"He's dead, we already told you that." Itachi grabbed the collar of Kabuto's shirt and said,

"No he isn't. Take me to him. Now!" The silver-haired young man chuckled slightly before saying,

"My, I guess denial isn't just a river in Egypt, is i-- oomph!" Before he could finish his sentence, Itachi's hand had made contact with his face and loud smack resounded through the room. Everyone watched as Kabuto stood there, awestruck at what had just transpired.

"Liar!!" Itachi yelled before tackling Kabuto to the floor for a quick scuffle, filled with yells from both the brunette and the silver-haired young man. As Sasuke and Naruto tried to get Itachi to stop his onslaught, Orochimaru watched them. Especially Itachi. Until an evil thought grew in his head and a sneer on his face.

"Asuma? Genma? Have I told you about my newest play?"

* * *

"...It's...cold." Was Kisame's first thought. He opened his eyes but quickly shut them again. "Hey, wait a second!" He exclaimed before quickly sitting up. His eyes widened at what he saw. The sky was almost pitch-black here, not a single star disturbing the inky curtain. And the ocean was a pale, pale blue. Kisame stood up and looked all around, afraid that he was in another nightmare and waiting for the leeches or the visions to show up again.

But they didn't.

"But if this isn't a nightmare..." The shark-like teen walked a few steps before he realized something. He was on an island. A small, island in the middle of a vast, pale ocean. "Then where the hell am I?" Kisame didn't have time to wonder before the water in front of him began to ripple and wave. "Oh, what now?" Kisame groaned as he took a step back. The water kept moving and churning, as if a storm was coming. All at once, the water seemed to explode, sending Kisame to the floor with its force.

After a while, the water calmed down and Kisame finally felt that he could look up. And the sight made him gasp in surprise. There in the water in front of him, was a Beluga whale. Only this one was blue, a bit larger than usual, and looked at Kisame with warm eyes. Most people would be immensely confused at this event, wondering what the hell was going on.

But Kisame blinked a bit and then smiled. Carefully, he waded into the water near that whale and after watching it for a while he gave it a hug and said, "Hello Mother."

The whale called out but Kisame heard a voice reply, _"Hello Sweetheart."_

* * *

**A/N: Meow! (Cola rush, don't ask...) But here's this chapter. Is anyone wondering what the hell happened to our Kisa? Or what Orochimaru's sinister plan is? Well, stay tuned and read on! Also, please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Not much really. Enjoy! **

* * *

In a small, dark room in the basement of Count Orochimaru's mansion, there was a bed.

In that bed, covered by a sheet in a very poor excuse of trying to hide him, was the body of a teenager.

He had blue skin, gill-shaped birthmarks, and blue hair. His whole person looked deathly still, as if all life was gone from that vessel.

Suddenly, the door opens. There are a series of footsteps before, finally, someone stops in front of the bed.

"Oh Kisame..." Kabuto sighs. "I really do wish that you didn't die like that." The silver-haired young man brushes blue hair away from the blue face. "Oh well, at least you're not alive to see what Orochimaru is doing."

* * *

Kisame was sitting on top of the blue beluga-whale's back as she swam through the pale, blue ocean. He asked, "Where am I Mother?" Mizuko's voice replied,

_"Oh sweetheart... Think of it as a type of limbo between life and death. I, being passed, can not speak with you in my own form, so I took this one."_ Kisame shook his head.

"So, wait, why am I here?" Mizuko jumped up before splashing back down and replying,

_"You will wake up soon, sweetheart... Just, for the time being, I wanted to talk to you."_ Kisame sighed, agitated because he knew that something was going on with his family at Orochimaru's but he couldn't pass up time with his mother, could he? _"We've been watching you, you know."_ Kisame blinked.

"Um... Who?" His mother's voice giggled,

_"Me, your father, Kakashi, Iruka, Jiraiya... We've been watching and hoping that you and the others would be safe. But..."_ Mizuko jumped again. _"Obviously, our hopes had been in vain..."_ Kisame was quiet for a minute before asking,

"Where are we going?" Mizuko didn't reply, she just kept on speeding for a few moments before stopping, dead still in the water. "Mother?"

_"__**We**__ aren't going anywhere. __**You**__, on the other hand, are going with your father."_ Before Kisame could ask what she meant by that, there was another splash of water in front of them. This time, a great-white shark appeared in front of the two. _"Hello love."_ Mizuko's voice chimed. The shark, Nokoru, swam over and, after nuzzling the whale, gestured for Kisame to jump on. The poor shark was still somewhat confused, but he did as he was told. At once, Nokoru sped off, leaving Mizuko alone before she finally disappeared into the ocean.

* * *

In front of Orochimaru's mansion, there were lots of posters put up. They advertised the production of a play called _'The Wonderful Carriage'_--err-- make that _'The Wonderful __**M**__arriage'_... The C's had been conveniently (and half-assedly) crossed out and replaced with M's. Inside, Itachi was pacing the floor of the dressing room that Orochimaru had put him in.

The brunette was pacing because, of course, he was scared of whatever the evil count was planning. However, he was mostly scared because he and Sasuke hadn't seen Naruto all day that day. There was a knock at the door before Sasuke walked in, an urgent look on his face. "Itachi, I..." Sasuke immediately stopped upon looking at his brother. Orochimaru's assistants had forced Itachi to put on a simple wedding-gown, complete with a wreath of flowers around his head. Upon seeing his brother, Itachi sighed heavily,

"I know... I don't know what in the world Orochimaru's planning, though, and it's driving me insane with fear, Sasuke!" The younger raven walked up and held up a book. Itachi looked and saw that the title read 'Inheritance and You'. "Isn't that..? No, wait, what does this mean, Sasuke?" Sasuke sighed,

"He's using this, Itachi. If two people are married, than either spouse has access to any money involved." Itachi huffed, incredulous,

"No. It's a play, Sasuke, he can't marry me just from a play!"

"Oh, can't I?" A familiar, deep voice rolled throughout the room. Itachi and Sasuke looked over and saw Orochimaru and one of his assistants who was putting final touches on his costume: a wedding tux. Itachi shook his head silently but Sasuke held up the book, stating,

"In order for a marriage to be valid, it has to be administered by a Court Justice of the Peace. I don't think any of your crones have that type of licensing, Orochimaru." Orochimaru simply gave an evil smirk before moving to the side and calling,

"Justice Mitarashi!" Immediately, dressed like a judge, Anko ran in with a smile on her face. She beamed,

"Guess what guys? I just got my Judge License and, coincidentally, Orochimaru offered me this part in the play! It's like, sheer luck or something!" She looked at Itachi, who was shaking his head in horror, "Oh, Itachi, you look beautiful! Well, break a leg!" Anko ran off to the stage.

"Wait, Anko-san!!" Itachi cried out, but the woman was already gone. Orochimaru grinned at them but Sasuke thought for a second and retorted,

"Itachi can't marry anyone. He's under the common marrying-age." Itachi almost let his shoulders drop in relief but Orochimaru chuckled,

"He can if he has permission from his guardian, who is..." He hummed for a minute, "Oh right! Me! And do I give permission, um..." He glared down at the two and whispered, "Hell yes..." Itachi shook his head, trying to hold back any tears that tried to form and said,

"You're already married to Kabuto... And..." He thought of almost anything he could say to get him out of this. A lie could work. "And I'm already engaged!" Sasuke raised an eyebrow,

"Huh?! To who?!" Orochimaru, however, scoffed and asked,

"To who? That freakish shark, which, I may remind you, is dead, dead, six-feet-under, DEAD!" Itachi bowed his head, whispering,

"Kisame's... not dead..." Sasuke shook his head in disgust, Orochimaru adding,

"Yes, as soon as we sign that marriage certificate, you'll truly be my beloved bride! To cook, and clean, and massage my feet..." His golden eyes roamed over Itachi's body and he licked his lips, "And I can't wait for the wedding night..." Itachi felt seriously ill as the man looked at him with those lecherous eyes. But he thought of something.

"I... We can just leave. I don't have to say 'I do', we'll leave!" Sasuke almost laughed at how simple the solution sounded but he agreed with it. The two brothers turned and were about to discuss what to take with them when Orochimaru stated,

"You take one step out of that door... Or if Itachi doesn't sign... I will kill that little bastard you call a brother." Sasuke flinched, eyes wide in horror. They both turned and Itachi asked,

"Where is he?", voice shaking. Orochimaru sneered and pointed a thin finger into the air above them. The two ravens looked up through the window and Sasuke's heart immediately sank into his chest. Outside of the highest window in the mansion, the orange-haired woman from Lacrymose was sitting on a plank of wood. Standing on that plank of wood, a rope around his neck that was connected to the roof, blue eyes wide in terror as he tried to keep his balance, and his hands tied behind his back, was Naruto.

Sasuke ran up and grabbed the front of Orochimaru's tux-coat, seething in fury, "You let him go... NOW!!" Orochimaru sighed before pulling out a small radio, replying,

"Oh, all right." He spoke into the radio, "Let him go!" The woman, with a radio of her own, lifted herself off of the plank, it immediately sinking down a bit and Naruto screamed in terror.

"NO!!!" Both brothers yelled, Orochimaru snickering into the radio,

"That's a negative..." The woman sat back down and the blonde shakily regained his balance. He looked back at the two ravens in front of him. "If anything goes wrong with this performance, my house will have a lovely, blonde, sushi chef-ornament." Itachi yelled out,

"You sick, twisted bastard! Leave my family alone!!!", before Orochimaru huffed back,

"My, my... Is that anyway for a blushing bride to act? Clean up your language." He hissed out, "Itachi, Itachi, Itachi... You are, what age? Oh, what does it matter! You should know by now that you will never have what you want. You want a life of happiness with your brothers and your freakish lover while you live in a large, glorious mansion? Ha!" Orochimaru walked off, singing,

_"In your dreams~!"_ When the snake-like Count was gone, Itachi sank to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. Sasuke looked up at Naruto, the blonde shaking his head as he looked around desperately.

"That bitch must be teasing him..." Then he looked to Itachi and said, "Itachi! Itachi, you can't go through with this!" Itachi shook his head,

"What's the point, Sasuke? We don't show up, they kill Naruto, and then we would be more alone than when Mother and Father abandoned us..." Sasuke shook his head, why was Itachi bringing that up?!

_"Please..." A woman's voice whispered. It was a stormy evening. An eleven year-old Itachi was riding in a car with his mother, Mikoto, father, Fugaku, and younger brother, Sasuke. Fugaku shook his head, whispering, _

_"I've already made up my mind, Mikoto..." He glanced back at the boys. "Just like you made up your mind when you..!" Mikoto screamed, _

_"It was a mistake, Fugaku!!" Fugaku yelled back, _

_"Mistakes don't last eleven years, MIKOTO!!!" Mikoto whimpered as she sat in her seat but she spoke, _

_"They're just children... For God's sake, Fugaku! They didn't have anything to do with my mistakes, let them be!!" Suddenly, Fugaku stopped the car just so he could give Mikoto a harsh smack in the face. _

_"Mother!" Sasuke screamed, to which Fugaku yelled, _

_"Be quiet! You little bastards! Or else I'll do worse to you than what I did to your whore of a mother!!" Sasuke wanted to cry but Itachi held Sasuke close to his chest, keeping him still. While Mikoto was trying to recover from the attack, Fugaku started driving again. _

_Thirty minutes later, he spoke up. _

_"Get out." Mikoto whimpered, _

_"Fugaku, don't do this..." Fugaku raised his hand again and Mikoto immediately stood down. The stern male spoke again, _

_"You two get out of the car... NOW!" Itachi was stunned at how his father was acting towards them but Sasuke piped up, _

_"Are we going somewhere?" That tore it. Fugaku stormed out of the car and despite the frantic cries of Mikoto, tore a screaming and crying Itachi and Sasuke from the car. He threw them to the cold, wet ground before getting back into the car. _

_Itachi's last memory of his birth-parents was seeing his mother try to say something but get smacked again as their car drove away, leaving them in the middle of a street, in the middle of a storm. Itachi immediately picked up his brother and tried to find out where they were. An angry car horn forced him to move to the side. _

_"Stupid kid!" The driver yelled before speeding off, splashing filthy water onto the two. They both coughed and Itachi was temporarily blinded as he tried to wander to a safer spot. _

_"Itachi!" Sasuke cried, clutching to his brother. Itachi tried to clear his eyes with one hand, while desperately trying to hang on to Sasuke, not knowing that he had wandered back into traffic. It wasn't until they heard a screech of tires on the road that both small ravens screamed, falling onto the floor. _

_However, they didn't die. _

_Itachi's eyes were finally clear enough to look in front of them. There was a silver car, headlights shining on them. Itachi picked up Sasuke and began to back away when he heard a voice call out, "Darn it all, Kakashi! Why do you always have to drive so fast?!" One of the car doors opened and out walked a man with paint-brush-like silver hair, wearing a suit, and black eyes. Itachi held Sasuke closer to him as the man saw them and walked over. The elder raven regarded him with wide, onyx eyes before he spoke, _

_"Hey. What are you doing out here in the street?" Itachi was too frightened of everything that had just happened. He whimpered out, _

_"I'm sorry!" However, the man shook his head, _

_"Nothing to be sorry about. But hey," He took off his suit-jacket and wrapped it around the two boys before he continued, "It's going to be a long, stormy night. You might as well hop in with me and the Mrs." Itachi... was very confused. In his whole life, no one had ever done such selfless things. But before he could refuse, both he and Sasuke were lifted up and being carried to the car. "Come on now. No use getting a cold." Itachi shivered as he finally felt the cold of the air and how it felt compared to this man. Sasuke finally asked, _

_"What's your name sir?" The man chuckled. _

_"'Sir'? I don't think so." He got them in the car and buckled them up before stating, "You two can call me Kakashi." _

"I can't... I can't bear it..." Itachi whimpered. "I can't bear the thought of losing someone else. But..." The older raven finally stood up, still crying. "I'm not going to allow you to suffer, Sasuke." He looked at his younger brother and smiled weakly. "I want you to go rescue Naruto and then I want you to run as far away as possible." Sasuke shook his head disbelievingly,

"No... I'm not leaving you, Itachi... I can't, I..!" Itachi placed a finger over the navy-blunette's lips and calmly shook his head. Sasuke shook his head quickly and cried, "But there has to be _something_ we can do! Please, there's always something, Itachi!" Itachi closed his eyes and gave a watery smile.

"Not this time." He then smoothed out the dress and began to walk to the stage, like a condemned soul to the guillotine. When he was gone, Sasuke lost it. In a rage, he began tearing apart the dressing room, tossing chairs, and breaking bottles...

Until he finally collapsed to the floor, sobbing his eyes out.

* * *

Nokoru had taken Kisame to a larger island. This one was covered in thick forest and a howl sounded as Kisame walked onto it. "Kakashi." He guessed correctly. Nokoru nodded and spoke,

_"You need to see him. Quickly before it's too late!"_ Kisame turned and asked,

"Wait! Too late for..?!" Nokoru was gone. "Damn it!" Kisame growled before quickly running through the trees, trying to follow the howls. He tripped a few times but he was too determined to let go of his course. And, finally, reaching a clearing in the center of the forest, he saw it. A large, silver wolf watching Kisame with a familiar gaze. "Hey." Kisame called over. Kakashi nodded and replied,

_"Hey."_ Before a pipe appeared and he snapped it into his mouth, it lighting instantly. He inhaled and exhaled, the smoke surrounding the both of them in thick, grey coils. Kisame coughed, the smoke smelled good but now wasn't the time.

"My father said that I need to talk to you! Kakashi, what's going on?!" Kakashi inhaled again, then blew out another plume of smoke. He looked dead on at Kisame and stated,

_"I'm going to tell you... how me and Iruka died."_

* * *

**A/N: TG- The end is nigh, peoples, the end is nigh!! **

**Itachi- Have you gotten into a tragedy fix or something? **

**TG- Tragedy and Horror! But soon it will be Adventure! *hint hint for next story* **

**Itachi- Oh well, I'm just happy that this is almost done. Please read and review everyone. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	13. Chapter 13

Kisame was growling, his sharp teeth snapped together, his eyes fierce, and his hands clenched into fists. Kakashi was still smoking. The man--err-- wolf had told Kisame of the two adults' demise and Kisame was like a man possessed, ready to rip a certain Count limb from limb. Kakashi exhales more smoke from his fanged mouth before sighing, _"Kisame... You're tense. Have a smoke with me?"_ Kisame shook his head, growling out,

"That bastard is dead! He is going to wish that he had never been born by the time I'm done with him!!" Kakashi frowned. Oh boy, Kisame was getting really riled up. He then smiled.

Perfect.

_"Kisame... I need you to do something for me."_ Kisame turned and replied,

"What is it?" Kakashi grinned before exhaling a cloud of silvery, shining smoke right into Kisame's face. "What?!" Kisame coughed as the smoke permeated every pore in his being. It made him feel so very... relaxed. Kisame's vision was getting blurry and dim, he coughed out, "Ka..Kashi...", before he fell to the ground. The last thing Kisame heard before all went black was Kakashi's voice saying,

_"Give Orochimaru my regards...,"_ the voice more of a growl.

* * *

Kabuto was sitting in the basement room, reading a medical-journal, and watching over Kisame's body. A small part of Kabuto's mind wondered why Orochimaru told him to watch over a dead body but he had never refused the man's whims. He sighed.

Not when Orochimaru told a young Kabuto to run away from home for him.

Not when Orochimaru demanded that he marry him.

Not when Orochimaru had him steal medications and drugs from the hospital he worked at.

Not when Orochimaru told him to kill Jiraiya.

"Not ever..." Kabuto mused, "I love him too much." A sharp inhale of air dragged him from his thoughts, dark, glasses-covered eyes moving to the direction of the sound. "Impossible..." Kabuto whispered, moving to the covered teen. His eyes must have been deceiving him when he saw the sheet slowly rising and falling. Curiosity got the best of Kabuto when he decided to remove the sheet.

Kisame's body still lay there; cold, unmoving... However, Kabuto licked his lips.

"So inviting... Even when you're dead, you still get a rise out of me Kisame." The silver-haired young man moved over to Kisame's head. He closed his eyes before slowly moving closer, expecting to get just a quick taste...

A hand wrapped around his throat, cutting off his air-supply. "What?! What is this?!" Kabuto looked on with wide, frightened eyes as he saw Kisame's arm moving to hold him up. He gasped when, finally, Kisame's eyes opened. "Kisame?!" The shark-like teen tilted his neck to the left... then the right, getting out any cramps before his eyes looked straight into Kabuto's and he asked, very calmly,

"Where the hell is that snake-bastard Orochimaru?"

* * *

It was a full house in Orochimaru's theater, his assistants taking coats and mingling with spectators until it was time for the curtain to rise. When it did, it revealed Itachi, the twin assistants, and Anko standing on the stage along with a statue. Anko waved to everyone happily as Itachi was holding back more-than-obvious tears. A fanfare sounded before the twins sang out, "Nothing in the world will keep the Count from his beloved bride! Nothing in the world will keep the Count from his beloved bride! Nothing in the world! Nothing in the world! Nothing!" They looked at each other then back to the audience. "Nothing!" They walked to the side.

* * *

Sasuke was walking in the mansion, trying to figure out how he was going to save Naruto and where they even had the boy. He walked all around the mansion, passing the winding staircase at least twice. However, after looking around he walked back to it and remembered,

_"That is the tower... Which you are to never, under any circumstances, go up to..." Kabuto leaned in, "...Ever."_

As soon as the navy-blunette walked onto a stair, he heard the sobs of a familiar blonde. "Naruto!" He stomped up the stairs, determined to save the young male. As he ran, Sasuke talked to himself, asking, "What would Itachi do? What would Itachi do?" He rounded a corner. "There's always something... Always..." He tripped over something on his way up, falling to the stairs. "Ow! What the..?!" He stopped however, when he saw the offender.

He stopped running when he finally reached the highest room and hid behind a wall. He discreetly took a peek and saw the orange-haired woman sitting on the plank, cackling,

"You's a little bastard-child, ain't ya?" She wiggled a bit, causing the plank to tremble and Naruto to cry out. "No one would miss you would they? If you died, I mean!" At that moment,

"_I_ would, bitch!!" The woman turned just in time to see Sasuke.

"Why you..." She walked off the plank, and Naruto almost would have fell if it weren't for Sasuke running over and placing what he had tripped over, two broken halves of a snake-statue, on the plank. Naruto yelped when he got back up. He wasn't able to turn and see what was causing all of the commotion, so he simply stood there, shaking. "You's a tenacious one, ain't ya?" The woman brought out a dagger and began circling the navy-blunette. Sasuke, however, chuckled back,

"You know, most intelligent people don't use a big word like 'tenacious' and an idiotic short-cut like 'ain't' in the same sentence." The woman growled and charged at Sasuke, dagger swinging.

* * *

"This dashing young stranger has come to kidnap the young bride!" One of the twins exclaimed, pointing at the statue.

"Oh no!" The other added but then looked out above the audience. "But wait! What is that?!" Itachi looked, almost afraid that Sasuke had been discovered. However, everyone gasped in awe as a small, toy-airplane with sparklers attached to it flew down towards the stage. "It's the Count in his beautiful plane!" In the audience, Asuma commented to Genma,

"I didn't know that they had this type of budget..!" Genma nodded. The plane flew backstage and then, with the help of his assistants on the other side pulling ropes, Orochimaru was lowered down onto the stage.

"Yes, it is I! Count Orochimaru, come to marry his beloved bride!" He tried to get down from the ropes, "Wait a moment--! Just!" He huffed before hissing to those backstage, "Cut me down, you idiots!" They followed their orders, Orochimaru falling to the floor. "So hard to get good help now of days..." He groaned before standing up and stating, "You! Foul stranger! I shall slay thee," He pulled out a fake sword, "Interloper! En garde!" He tackled and began hacking at the statue. Itachi rolled his eyes as the audience sat, enraptured and completely unaware of the real fight taking place in the mansion in front of them.

* * *

"Time to die, wee one!" The woman yelled as she charged at Sasuke one last time. The navy-blunette sat on the ground, bleeding from two cuts the orange-haired woman managed to land on him. He was stronger than her but she had great speed. However, Sasuke realized as he noticed the open window behind him, she wasn't that smart. "HA!" She was right above Sasuke. However, the teen kicked up his legs and used his strength to get her out of the window. Her screams went unnoticed as she plummeted to the ground below. Sasuke gave a deep sigh of relief before carefully climbing onto the plank and over to Naruto.

"Hey... Naruto!" The blonde turned slightly and saw Sasuke. He was still crying but he managed to sob out,

_"Sasuke... Help me! I don't.. I don't want to die like this!!"_ Sasuke nodded and carefully stood up and tried to calm down the flustered blonde.

"Dobe... Naruto, you're not going to die..." But Naruto shook his head, panicking,

_"Yes I am! I'm going to die just like my parents! I'm going to die just like my parents!"_ Sasuke was still before he asked,

"Your... parents?" Naruto nodded.

_"I remember. It was a beautiful, sunny morning..."_

* * *

_Naruto had lived with his parents in a small house in the forest just outside of a city. Minato and Kushina were Japanese immigrants who didn't want to have to rely on the modern, commercialized way of the city, so their little family kept to themselves in the forest. _

_It was peaceful, and Naruto was happy, until one day... _

_"There they are!!" A woman's voice screamed. Kushina had been picking herbs in the forest when she heard the commotion. Dropping her basket, she ran back to her house and gasped in horror at what she saw. Her husband and son were being tied up by angry city-dwellers. A four-year old Naruto was sobbing as they shoved his face into the dirt, yelling, "Quiet heathen!" Minato looked up and, upon seeing his wife, mouthed out, _

_"Run!" Kushina shook her head but suddenly, one of the offenders looked up and saw her in the bushes. _

_"There's another one! Get her!" Kushina did nothing as they caught her and dragged her over. As they tied her up, Kushina looked into her son's frightened eyes and whispered, _

_"We'll be fine. The gods will protect us, so we'll be fine..." _

_Why did a bunch of city-folk capture this family? Well, Kushina had a small trade of creating natural medicines for anyone who needed them. Unfortunately, one of them saw her talking to the forest creatures and immediately thought one thing: _

_Witchcraft. _

_"We aren't witches..." Minato tried explaining as the three of them were led to the city's gallows. The mayor of the city, an idiotic excuse of a man, spat in the blonde man's face, saying, _

_"Don't try any of the confusing magic mumbo-jumbo on me! You three are bonafide witches from you to your little heathen-child here!" The mayor pulled at Naruto's blonde hair and Kushina screamed, _

_"Just because we believe in the powers of nature instead of the power of greed doesn't make us witches! Let our son go!!" The crowd gasped and one female voice screamed, _

_"I told you they were witches! Kill the lot of 'em!" The crowd began screaming threats and accusations until all three of them were led to the top of the gallows. The executioner tied ropes around each individual's neck and Naruto looked to his parents with tears in his big, blue eyes. _

_"Mom... Dad..?" Kushina was choking back tears and Minato replied, _

_"Just keep praying, kiddo." Naruto gulped but as he saw his mother silently mouthing out words, he closed his eyes and wished with all of his heart that something would happen to rescue them. Time went on and the mayor's voice called out, _

_"Ready Executioner?" The man in black nodded, hand on the lever. "Now... Let 'em drop!" The doors beneath each person opened and Minato and Kushina were immediately silenced. Naruto didn't have time to scream before his rope, miraculously snapped and he fell into a quick roll, all the way into the rushing river that was nearby. The city-dwellers wanted to go after him but they all decided that the river would kill him soon. _

_Naruto was struggling underneath the water, trying to get free of the rope that held his arms together so he could swim out of here. It was slowly proving to be in vain as the small blonde was running out of air. Soon, he was losing consciousness. He looked up one more time before he saw a blue mass jumping into the water towards him. _

* * *

_"The next thing I remember is waking up at the old mansion." _Naruto whispered as Sasuke untied his hands. Naruto smiled before jumping onto Sasuke in joy. _"Thank you!"_ Sasuke hugged the blonde dobe, happy that they were both safe. There was a cracking noise.

"Oh... shit!" Sasuke looked back at the plank, which was cracking. Sasuke looked around but all he saw was the rope that used to be around Naruto's neck. He grabbed it right before the plank gave way and yelled, "Hold on!" Naruto clutched onto Sasuke with all his might...

* * *

"Now that the... um, distraction is gone," Anko began, pushing the statue's head away with her foot, "We can get on with this wonderful marriage!" Orochimaru grabbed Itachi's arm and stood in front of the stand in front of Anko. On it rested a fresh marriage-certificate, ready for signing. Itachi gulped and Orochimaru simply swallowed a mint. First impressions... "Now do you, Orochimaru, take Itachi to be your beloved wife? To..."

"Yes, yes!" Orochimaru nodded quickly, "Now get to him!" Anko gave a questioning look but shrugged her shoulders and continued,

"Do you, Itachi, take Orochimaru to be your beloved husband?" For Itachi, all time froze. His heart had grown cold and it was like his life flashed before his eyes.

His parents...

Kisame...

Sasuke...

Kisame...

Naruto...

Kisame...

Kakashi...

Kisame...

Iruka...

Kisame...

Kisame...

"Kisame..." He whispered. Orochimaru hissed, patting the pocket with the radio,

"What was that?" Itachi coughed before slowly nodding his head.

* * *

_"Sasuke!"_ Naruto cried as they hung there in mid-air. Sasuke groaned as his arm strained from the combined weight. But his mind went to Itachi, and he looked down at the play and his heart sank. Orochimaru was already signing the marriage-certificate. As if with renewed strength, Sasuke began climbing the rope. He always made sure that Naruto was safe but he was trying his hardest to get back up.

Naruto was in awe of the navy-blunette's strength. He thought, _'You can do it, Teme...'_ It felt like hours... to Sasuke but soon, they made it back into the mansion. They both panted, their bodies untensing from the adrenaline-rush. _"You did it Teme..."_ Sasuke smiled at his dobe's praise and lay back down, panting. Naruto smiled but looked around.

Orochimaru's attic was a dump, and that was being polite. There were boxes of junk everywhere and old, discarded papers. His blue eyes roamed the room until a gasp fell from his throat. "Dobe, what is it?" Naruto pointed and what he said next probably shocked Sasuke more because of the fact that it was in English.

"Snake." Sasuke immediately jolted up and asked,

"What did you just say?!" Naruto gave a brief swallow before stating,

"In the window. There's a snake in the window." Sasuke followed Naruto's finger and he gasped. There was a hexagon-shaped window in the attic wall and it had the design of a coiling snake in the middle of it. The navy-blunette walked up and over to the window. He looked around the window and saw that it had handles on the left and right sides of it.

"Do you steer it..?" He asked. But when he saw where the window was pointing, his heart instantly felt heavy.

_"Hey Teme, what's wrong?"_ Naruto asked, switching back to Japanese, before he looked and gasped. _"It's the mansion. But why was Orochimaru..?"_ Naruto stilled himself when he saw Sasuke shakily place his hands on the handles. It all fit.

"Because Orochimaru is an evil son of a bitch!!"

Down below, Itachi's hand shakily moved a quill towards the marriage-certificate. He was sobbing now, not even sure how his body was moving. He gasped when the quill dropped from his hand. Orochimaru gave an agitated hiss before picking up the quill and forcefully pressing it into Itachi's hand.

"SIGN IT!" He roared, the audience shivering.

"Such intensity..." Genma whispered to Asuma. Tears dropped from Itachi's eyes and onto the paper as he signed the last stroke of his name. He recoiled from the stand and shoved his face into his hands, sobbing out loud,

"Kisame, I'm _so_ sorry!!!" Orochimaru, however, cackled into the air before holding the marriage certificate into the sky and stated,

"The Hatake fortune is finally mine!!"

"NOO!!!" Sasuke and Naruto screamed from where they were. Asuma mused,

"Quite an... unusual climax." The snake-like man cackled manically, walking down from the stage and shoving the certificate in the bank-teller's face.

"Read it and weep, Asuma! Does this look familiar to you at all?!" Asuma read over the document. His eyes slowly widened and the cigarette fell from his mouth.

"This is... the marriage-certificate that I let you borrow." Orochimaru nodded and cackled again, jumping back onto the stage.

"That's right! This little piece of paper grants me the Hatake fortune and.." He grabbed Itachi and licked the pale teen's cheek. Itachi tore himself away, furiously wiping his cheek. "Now I have a brand new sweetie-pie to share my bed with!" He laughed out. Anko dropped her book-props and clutched at her stomach,

"I feel sick..." She bolted off the stage, crying, "I'm so sorry! I didn't know!!" Asuma stood up and exclaimed,

"You're already married, you charlatan!!" Orochimaru huffed and pulled out another certificate. This one... was a divorce-certificate.

"I don't think that I'll have to worry myself with that little nuisance for much longer. You see..."

Naruto shook Sasuke's shoulders, crying, _"We have to do something! Anything!"_ Sasuke was angry but he was thinking about what, just what in the world could he have done to save Itachi?

"Anything I say, Kabuto will do. I say 'make me sandwich', he'll say 'what kind'. I'll say 'kill Jiraiya', he'll say 'by accident or by force'. I'll say 'jump', he'll say 'how high'. I can say 'go kill yourself', and he'll go to the apothecary to get the cyanide!!" During his gloating, Orochimaru didn't notice the rustling behind the curtain.

"We'll have you arrested!" Genma stood, holding up a pair of hand-cuffs. Orochimaru just laughed again, replying,

"For what? Marrying within the law? Face it, all of you," He walked to the center of the stage, "I'm untouchable! I, Count Orochimaru, have killed plenty of people and am marrying Itachi!" He yelled out, "I'm untouchable!!!" He trailed off in a cackle, not at all noticing the curtain opening. Itachi looked over and he nearly fainted where he stood.

The figure walked towards Orochimaru and Asuma and Genma both gasped, "It can't be..." The male stopped behind Orochimaru and stood quietly, Sasuke and Naruto standing silently, in shock. Orochimaru finally came down from his high and sighed,

"Ah, I win..." A hand tapped onto his shoulder. Orochimaru turned around with a smile but it immediately changed into a horrified frown.

"Hello, Orochimaru..." Kisame sighed, rubbing the back of his head as he stood there in front of a shocked audience.

"YOU'RE ALIVE?!" Orochimaru screamed. Itachi was shocked beyond belief, his only thought and question came out as a relieved gasp/question,

"You're alive?"

"He's alive?!" Asuma and Genma yelled. Sasuke and Naruto exclaimed,

"He's alive!" Then, all of a sudden, an Indian man jumped up in the audience and exclaimed,

"What a twist!!" **(1)** Everyone in the theater turned and stared at the man with incredulous looks. The man slowly sat down. Kisame nodded his head, very calmly,

"Yes. I'm alive."

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) Yeah... I remember watching ****Robot Chicken**** one time (back when I still had cable...) and they just kept roasting on M. Night Shamylan (or however you spell his name).**

**Hey! It's almost over! Stick with the story till the end and you'll be able to get a sneak-peak at the newest projects by Tyranno's girl Productions. **

**I'm so bad... But please, stay with me and review. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **

**TG- *rocking back and forth and eating soup* You guys... It's the conclusion. **

**Kisame- You finally made it, congratulations! **

**Itachi- Didn't think that you would do it. **

**Sasuke- Seeing as how you have been getting into other fandoms lately... **

**TG- *bolts up* Shut up, Sasuke! You and your Akatsuki killing-spree is part of the reason I fell in love with ****Hetalia****! Not that I don't love ****Naruto**** for yaoi purposes... **

**Naruto- ... Thank you..? **

**TG- Anyway, let's get going! Places everyone! **

**Disclaimer- If you haven't gotten it by now, I don't know what to tell you. **

* * *

Everyone was in shock at the sight of the blue-skinned male, but only a few of them had the right reason to be. Kisame stood there, a calm smirk on his face as he surveyed the scene. He then seemed to look behind him towards the mansion.

Right towards Sasuke and Naruto.

Then he walked across the stage and commented, "A wedding? And why wasn't I invited, huh Orochimaru?" Orochimaru was backing up in fear

"How? HOW?!" Kisame shook his head and continued,

"Well, I figure that some people shouldn't be invited to certain things. Like... jobs for instance? Wouldn't you agree, Orochimaru?" The Count raised an eyebrow,

"What the hell are you talking about?! I..." Something suddenly appeared at the back of his mind. "No..." He said, "You're right. At least," He yelled, "That's what those idiots at the factory had to say!" Everyone was confused at the conversation that was taking place but they listened on anyway. This was way better than any play!

"You just couldn't get over the fact that Kakashi was more deserving than you, could you?" Kisame sighed. Orochimaru hissed back,

"The factory didn't know what the hell they were doing!! I deserved that money, that position, that power, more than anything or anyone!!" Kisame shook his head,

"They saw right through you and into your black heart, Orochimaru." Kisame looked at the Count. "Kakashi used the money that the factory gave him to set up a bank-account, a fortune if you will, so that any unfortunate children that would be in his life could survive." Itachi shivered, how could Kisame had possibly known this? Did Kakashi and Iruka talk with him before they died? But, no, their small family shared everything, right? "Soon, Jiraiya and Tsunade found out and they added their own contributions. Quite the sizable chunk of change, huh Orochimaru?" Orochimaru hissed,

"And it was rightfully mine!! They had no right to steal what was mine and give it to a bunch of snot-nosed little bastards!!" He jabbed a finger towards Kisame and seethed, "Especially not a little freak like you!!" Kisame shook his head before saying the ten words that cinched the whole evening.

"And that's why you killed Kakashi and Iruka, isn't it?" Everyone was silent. But Orochimaru hissed, looking into space,

"He deserved it. Him and that little bitch of his..."

* * *

_"You know that part of that money is mine, Kakashi!" Orochimaru yelled as he stalked the silver-haired father through the streets. Kakashi finally turned around and replied, _

_"You have been trying to get me to lie to you and say yes for the past eighteen years, Orochimaru. Get it through that snake-filled head of yours." He lowered his voice, "I owe you nothing!" Kakashi then left Orochimaru standing in the street. The Count watched in pure rage as Kakashi walked into Hatake Mansion and was greeted by a hug from Iruka and four happy teenagers. _

_Orochimaru hissed before storming off. _

* * *

"So I waited for all of you to take your little trip to the beach and when you were gone, well, it's easy to bar all the doors of a mansion when you have such able help. And with the right positioning of my favorite window..."

Sasuke heard that and immediately tried moving the window towards the stage.

"It was a matter of, well, _poof!_" He laughed, "Oh the sounds of the fire engines rushing to the aid of your doomed parents was delightful!" Itachi shook his head,

"You're sick." Suddenly, Kisame walked over to Orochimaru and wrapped a burly arm around the Count's shoulder.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The Count hissed. Kisame shook his head silently. He walked with Orochimaru, a few steps from Itachi before announcing,

"I just have one more thing to say."

"Speak." Orochimaru commanded. Kisame nodded and removed his arm. He seemed to close his eyes and think or a second before his fist made contact with Orochimaru's jaw, a loud crack filling the theater.

"That's... from Kakashi!" Everyone gasped as the Count fell to the floor. Kisame didn't even give the man a chance to breathe before he jumped onto him with, punching him once at a time.

_BAM!_ "That's from Iruka!"

_BAM!_ "That's from Jiraiya!"

_BAM!_ "That's from Tsunade!" Then Kisame punched Orochimaru two more times, the Count sputtering out,

"Wait, wait! Who were the last two from?!!" Kisame sat back and hummed for a second.

"Hm... Oh! That's from _my_ parents!!"

"I never even met them!!" Orochimaru hissed in disbelief. Kisame scoffed back,

"You still deserve it!!", before resuming his onslaught. Naruto cheered from the attic,

_"Go Kisame!"_ Sasuke was still struggling with the window, trying to move it before Orochimaru got up. However, some of Orochimaru's troupe successfully separated the two before Orochimaru died an untimely death.

**TG- **... Because _no one_ should have to die before their time, right Orochimaru?

Orochimaru was shakily brought to his feet, a bloody-nose sticking out strikingly against his skin, a busted lip, and a growing black eye. Kisame straightened himself out before walking over to Itachi. The brunette was still in shock, you could see it in his eyes. "Itachi? You okay?" Itachi silently extended his arms so that his hands touched Kisame's chest.

"Are you... really here?" He whispered out. Kisame chuckled before grabbing Itachi up in a strong hug.

"In the blue-colored flesh, Itachi!" The two shared the warm embrace, the audience awing and cooing at the sight.

Up in the attic, Sasuke gasped. _"Teme, what is it?"_ Sasuke replied, shaking his head,

"I finally moved this damn thing... But without any light, it doesn't matter!" They both looked through the window that was aimed at the stage as Orochimaru was getting back up.

"You... little monster! I ought to..!" Mid-rant, Orochimaru stopped. A smirk grew on his face. "It doesn't matter if you two had this _beautiful_ reunion of long-lost lovers or whatnot..." He ran over to the podium, picking up the marriage-certificate. "I still have _this_ which means I still win!" Kisame growled, realizing that the snake-bastard had him in a bind. However, he asked,

"What about Kabuto? He's still around, what does he have to say about this?" Orochimaru scoffed and pulled out the divorce-certificate.

"I already said that the nuisance is in the past! This will be it!!" Kisame shook his head sadly,

"No. It won't." He let go of Itachi and walked to the curtain and looked at Orochimaru.

"What are you up to now?" Kisame was silent as he tore the whole thing down. The audience gasped and shrieked until the commotion ceased. "Well, I can just buy a new one. Not much of a..."

"You bastard..." Orochimaru instantly stopped when he looked at where the curtain used to be and heard the voice. Kabuto stood there, shaking in rage and eyes furious.

"K-Kabuto!" Orochimaru chuckled nervously. "What are you doing here? I told you to..."

"Watch Kisame's body, which was incapacitated due to attempted homicide. By you!" The audience gasped and Asuma shook Genma,

"Write that down! Write that down!" Orochimaru frowned,

"Kabuto, love? The walls have ears, you know?" Kabuto shook his head,

"You're going to divorce me? Fine! I've had enough of your crap anyway! Murder of Kakashi and Iruka Hatake, once again by you, Orochimaru! I was there!"

"Kabuto!"

"Murder of Jiraiya, unfortunately the action was by me but the conspiracy to kill was by you! And finally, the murder of Tsunade, by one Count Orochimaru..." Kabuto walked up and firmly slapped the astonished Count. Then, as if to add insult to injury, "And another crime that I think should be brought to attention: You are _horrible_ in bed!" Kisame couldn't help it, that statement made him start laughing as well as everyone else. Orochimaru hissed, face going red from anger and embarrassment,

"That's not what you said last night..."

"Only because I didn't want to bruise your ego! The blasted thing's the size of the moon!" Before he could go on with the insults, Kabuto stopped himself and turned towards the audience. He took a breath and asked, "If I testify against this bastard in court, can we work something out concerning my sentence?" Genma stood and replied,

"But of course!"

"Little traitor!" Orochimaru hissed. Kabuto huffed and turned to slap Orochimaru again, afterwards saying,

"Unfaithful bastard..." Then he walked off the stage and into the mansion, probably to try and find Sasuke and Naruto. Seeing the silver-haired male walking, however, reminded Orochimaru of his trump card.

"HA! I still have one thing up my sleeve!" He pulled out his radio and yelled into it, "Kill the blonde! Now!" There was no response. "Kaguya! Did you hear me?!!" Then one of the troupe members walked up and groaned,

"Kaguya is... dead, sir."

"WHAT?!!" At that moment, Orochimaru's arm, the one that held the marriage-certificate, was extended, the paper in perfect view of the window.

Sasuke groaned, "Damn it! Come on, I need some kind of light! Please!!" Naruto frowned and began looking around. The moon was full tonight, he realized as he frantically looked around.

_"Wait a minute!"_ He whispered and looked at the large window behind them. The full moon was bright and bigger than it had ever been this year. _"Tsukuyomi__**(1)**__..."_ He stated. Sasuke replied,

"What?" Naruto pointed towards the moon, which was shining like the sun this evening. Sasuke thought for a second, thinking back to everything he had read about the sun and the moon. "Could I..?" He asked himself before moving out of the way. The window, much like a mirror, absorbed the light of the moon before it was focused into one beam of light**(2)**.

"What in Heaven's name do I pay you idiots for if you can't do anything right?!?!" Orochimaru was venting madly at his theater-troupe at this moment. He was so enraged that he didn't notice that the paper in his had was smoking.

"Um, sir?" One of the twins spoke up.

"NO! SHUT UP!!" Orochimaru yelled. "I swear, when I get my hands on this money, I am hiring an all-new staff and-- Does anyone else smell smoke?" The members of the troupe nodded and pointed towards the Count's hand. Orochimaru turned just in time to see his most prized possession erupt in flame. "AGH!" He yelled as he was forced to drop it, the certificate immediately. "No..." Orochimaru whispered in pure disbelief as the paper burned into ash.

"Kisame..." Itachi began. "Can you pinch me?" Kisame smiled and pinched the brunette's shoulder. Itachi winced slightly but when he opened his eyes again and saw the ashes on the ground in front of a broken-looking Count, he broke into joyous laughter. Kisame joined him and the two hugged each other again.

Orochimaru stared at the ashes on the ground, still stunned until he heard footsteps around him. He looked up and saw Asuma, Genma, and the police force. Genma smirked and held up a pair of handcuffs.

Sasuke and Naruto both collapsed onto the floor, exhausted from the evening they had just had. _"Teme?"_ Naruto panted.

"Yeah Naruto?"

_"Is it over?"_ Sasuke strained and looked out the window to see police officers dragging away Orochimaru and the living members of his troupe.

"Hm..." He then looked and saw Kisame and Itachi sharing a long, loving kiss on the stage. Sasuke smiled and lay his head down. "Yeah dobe, it's finally over."

* * *

**TG-** Thanks to the infallible testimony of one Kabuto Yakushi, recently happily divorced, Orochimaru was sentenced to multiple life-imprisonments **(3).** However, the judge upon hearing about the cruel actions of Count Orochimaru, had just one thing to say.

"What goes around, comes around."

The judge sentenced Orochimaru to endure everything that he had put the Hatake Orphans through. All which Kisame sat witness to (the others wanted nothing more to do with the Count), eating dango with a smile on his face.

As sweet as justice was, however...

(Enter scene with Hatake Orphans taking one last trip to the Hatake Mansion, a few weeks later...)

...it couldn't bring back what was lost.

"Everything we went through..." Sasuke spoke up as the walked through the remains of the threshold, "I still can't help but think that some of it was avoidable..." The other orphans nodded as they all looked around the remains of the mansion. Despite the obvious ruin, it was the most they had felt at home in a long time.

_Ring ring ring! _

_Ring ring ring!_ Itachi turned and stated,

"That's the mail-bell I invented!" They all walked over to the mail-container and there was a collective silence. The bell was ringing away but there was a package inside of the basket. Kisame looked through a hole in the wall to see a mailman walking away, whistling. Sasuke picked up and opened the package and tipped it over. Two things fell out: a letter and a golden spyglass. Sasuke handed the box to Kisame and the letter to Itachi while he looked at the spyglass. Itachi opened the letter up and looked at the bottom.

A sob almost dropped from his throat. "It's from Kakashi and Iruka." Kisame looked at the box and added,

"It's been sent all over: Here, Jiraiya's, Tsunade's... Even Kirigakure." Naruto jumped up and asked,

_"What does the letter say?"_ Itachi began reading out loud,

"'Dearest children... It is us, Iruka and Kakashi _(Why is your name first?)_ Because I'm currently the one writing this letter, Kakashi!'" The orphans laughed, in everything they did, Kakashi and Iruka had their little 'quarrels'. Even in writing, "'Anyway, as you could all probably tell, if you have received this letter, we are no longer around.

_Right. But we want you all to know that anywhere we were when we were taken from this world, we were thinking of you. _

If this letter came to you early then I apologize from the bottom of my heart. We wanted so much to tell you about the trials we have faced in our travels, the dangers we had face, and the people we had met.

_Kisame.'_" Kisame raised an eyebrow, "_'As the oldest, you are to be in charge of the family. This includes the Hatake fortune... Once you turn twenty-two.'_" Kisame's eyes widened then he looked at the newspaper that he had bought earlier that morning. The date read: March 18th.

"Oh my God... I'm twenty years old already..." Itachi smiled softly but kept reading,

"'The trail of life is a hard and difficult one. But the wonder of it all is that what may seem like a true series of unfortunate events, may really only be the first difficult steps of a journey. It is our sincerest hopes that you all will be there for each other no matter what happens or where you end up. We all love you and always will. No matter what.

_Right, right. Prosper, get married, hell, even adopt some kids of your own some day!_

Kakashi!

_What, I'm just encouraging them to live their lives to the fullest! _

Oh... I wish that I could say more. Maybe I will as time go, I will be able to add more. But if not, then know this: the years that me and Kakashi had you four as our family were the happiest of my-- Our lives. And remember that no matter where you all go in this world that as long as you have each other, you will have a family. We will always love you...

_Whether you want it or not..._

Kakashi!'"

Itachi was sniffing back tears as he stopped reading, Sasuke was still looking over the spyglass, a tear or two on the golden metal. Naruto was softly crying and Kisame was the one who asked, "What else?" Itachi shook his head,

"That's it. Iruka didn't get to finish like he wanted to." The four all stood in silence. However, before they could say anything there was the sound of a bicycle-bell from outside.

"What is that?" Sasuke asked, placing the spyglass in his pocket.

"I'll check. Stay here you guys." Kisame spoke up and walked out of the ruin.

He walked for a while until he saw something very interesting. "Hey there!" Kabuto called him, removing a blue bicycle from the roof of a red car. Kisame shook his head, but smiled softly,

"What are you doing here Kabuto? I..." He stopped when he saw Kabuto's clothes. It was a blue and grey policewoman's outfit, complete with blue cap. Kisame frowned, "I thought you had given up on crime." Kabuto set the bike on the ground and replied,

"I have! I'm even in the police force! They say that I'm an incredible spy." Kisame coughed out, pointing to Kabuto's legs,

"Then what's with the skirt?" Kabuto smoothed down the blue and grey skirt that he was wearing and smiled,

"I like the feeling of skirts, so sue me." The blue-skinned male rolled his eyes before asking,

"Why are you here?" Kabuto just smiled and pushed his bike to the side before pointing at the car. He beamed,

"Happy birthday, big boy!" Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"Um..." Kabuto just rolled his eyes and exclaimed,

"I'm giving you a car, be thankful!"

"WHAT?!!" Kisame nearly jumped out of his skin as he looked at the red car. It was one of the newer models too. "Kabuto... you're kidding me right?" The former mistress shook his head as he held up a key.

"It's all yours, kid. It's one of my small ways of repaying my sins. So..." He looked at Kisame with pleading eyes, "Please take it?" Kisame was still skeptical and didn't move from his spot, which caused Kabuto to sigh and state, "Look, you want another reason why I'm giving you this car? Fine, here it is..."

* * *

Itachi still held the letter in his hands as he and the others were still inside the ruins. Naruto had sat down by Sasuke and asked, _"Did you figure out what it means yet?"_ Sasuke nodded softly, holding the spyglass in his hands.

"Yeah, at least I think so. You always have to look beyond what is in front of you. Find the solution that isn't the most obvious or the easiest. It may be more difficult, but the results may be more long-lasting and satisfying." Sasuke looked at Naruto and then Itachi, "At least, that's what I think."

Itachi folded up the letter and put it into his pocket. Now they had to wait for their other family member to come back.

* * *

Kisame was in shock. He almost didn't believe what Kabuto had just told him but he shakily asked, "Are you sure?" Kabuto nodded sadly,

"It just happened early this morning. I'm on the case for bringing him in, but..." Kabuto walked up and placed the key in Kisame's hand. "Everyone at the station thinks that you four should get out of town, at least until you turn twenty-two." Kisame sighed heavily, it had been too good to be true after all. "Do you... have some place to go?" The shark-like male nodded finally,

"Yes. I can arrange something." Kabuto smiled.

"Good. Then I'll just be on my way." However, then Kabuto looked over Kisame with a familiar look in his eyes. Kisame frowned,

"What is it?"

"You know..." Kabuto began, "That information was top-secret. I risked a lot by telling you and I think that I should be re..." Kisame grabbed Kabuto and sighed,

"Oh, just get over here!" Before giving the male a light kiss on the lips. Kabuto almost melted at the touch but Kisame pulled away. "Happy now?" Kabuto nodded, a bit woozy,

"Extremely..." But then Kabuto straightened himself up and replied, "The car is unmarked so no one can track it. You'd better keep us updated Kisame!" Then the silver-haired young male set up his bicycle and got on. He rode off, leaving Kisame and the car with a, "Bye bye!", and a cling of the bicycle-bell. Kisame rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, looking at the key.

"Hey guys!" He called over to the others. Naruto ran out first but then his eyes widened and he gasped,

_"Is that a car?!"_, he ran over and began looking at the red machine. Sasuke and Itachi walked out afterwards, expressions almost as surprised as Naruto's.

"Where did this come from?" Sasuke asked in disbelief. Kisame smiled softly,

"Let's say a certain someone turned over a new leaf. And a new skirt..." But he shook his head and spoke up, "Guys, you need to know about something." They all looked at the older male.

"Shoot." Sasuke replied. Kisame sighed and looked up at the sky before stating,

"He... escaped." Itachi's eyes widened, Sasuke frowned, and Naruto gasped.

"You have got to be shitting me!!" Sasuke yelled. Kisame opened the car and added,

"We have to leave until I inherit the fortune or else Orochimaru will be on our heels. But first..." He pointed to the car and said, "We should get some supplies for the trip." All the orphans were depressed now but they got into the car, the seating quite comfortable, but when they did...

"My violin!!"

"The flashlight I created!"

"The family album!"

"Kakashi's kunai set!!"

When they all found things that they thought they had lost, Kisame smirked, "Kabuto... You really meant repaying for your sins, huh?" But he adjusted the seat and the mirrors before starting the ignition. The engine purred like a kitten. "Okay guys," He looked back and smiled, "We have to get some food and things. It's a long trip to Kirigakure." Naruto gasped, excitement clear on his face.

_"Do you mean it?!"_ Itachi looked at Kisame with a soft smile, his eyes asking the same thing. Kisame nodded and then added,

"If it's okay for Sasuke." The navy-bluenette huffed,

"Of course it's okay, let's go!" They all laughed, Kisame placing his hands on the steering wheel.

"Okay then, let's go!" The car began to move towards the town.

**TG- **There are people who know not of the misery and woe in the world, so they can easily take joy in stories about twittering birds and happy little foxes. *the authoress observes a spyglass similar to Sasuke's before going back to her keyboard*

But there are others who know that there are mysteries to be solved and how to find the right clues to solve them.

However, this story isn't about either of them. This story is about the Hatakes.

(Show them all arriving at a general store, buying a bunch of stuff for their trip, smiles abound and laughter tickling the air.)

Four young men who know that there's always something.

Something to put into musical-form...

(Show Kisame writing a song, while playing random bits of it on his violin)

Something to invent...

(Show Itachi writing out plans for household necessities. A smile on his face at the thought.)

Something to read...

(Show Sasuke reading a book on architecture.)

Or something to fight for.

(Show Naruto jumping back into the car, calling for the others to hurry up.)

Something to do to make a sanctuary, no matter how small.

(Flashback to that night in Orochimaru's attic, when they created their 'sanctuary'.)

And for this reason, I am happy to say...

(Enter scene later in the evening showing Kisame, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto all asleep in the car.)

That the Hatakes were very fortunate indeed.

_**The End**_

* * *

**All- BANZAI!! **

**Kisame- We're done! **

**TG- Not yet! **

**The guys- Not yet?! **

**TG- I already said that I have an epilogue and previews to do. Why don't people listen? **

**Itachi- That's right... **

**Naruto- Then let's see the epilogue already!**

**TG- Okay! Go to the next chapter please! **


	15. Epilogue

**TG- Epilogue time!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto, A Series of Unfortunate Events, or any of the songs by Coldplay (Chris Martin, I love you!)**

* * *

_Five years later..._

(Enter scene in the afternoon, showing a large, mansion that looks like a blue version of the Hatake Mansion, only with a few differences.)

In front of the building is a sign that reads 'Kirigakure Orphanage'.

Inside the building, a shark-like man with blue skin secretly walking through the halls of the mansion, trying to make his way to a certain room. On his way, he passes a picture of himself and one Itachi Uchiha in front of Kirigakure Cathedral, both of them in wedding clothes.

He passes another one of a ribbon-cutting ceremony for the orphanage.

One more that shows Sasuke and Naruto coming back from a trip to America, a joyous reunion indeed.

But finally, he make sit to a certain room. He quietly opens it and closes it behind him. In the room is a large painting of Nokoru and Mizuko Hoshigaki, Kakashi and Iruka Hatake, and Jiraiya and Tsunade hanging on the wall above a grand piano.

Kisame Hoshigaki, now age 25, opens up a window to give the room some light. The sun is setting, bathing everything in a warm orange-glow. The man sighs before sitting in front of the piano. He flexes his fingers and tests the keys before beginning to play.

He played for a moment for a while, just absorbing the sounds of the piano's notes as they floated about the room. After opening eyes that he hadn't even realized that he had closed, he began singing,

_"Just because I'm losing... _

_Doesn't mean I'm lost! _

_Doesn't mean I'll stop, _

_Doesn't mean I'm across..." _

Kisame shook some of his hair out from his face before focusing more intently on the keys.

_"Just because I'm hurting... _

_Doesn't mean I'm hurt! _

_Doesn't mean I didn't get _

_What I deserved... _

_No better and no worse..."_

The playing intensified,

_"I just got lost! _

_Every river that I tried to cross... _

_Every door I ever tried was locked... _

_Oh and I'm... _

_Just waiting till the shine wears off..."_

Kisame glanced around himself, making sure that no one had heard his playing and was barging in to see what was going on.

_"You might be a big fish... _

_In a little pond..."_

Kisame had a short chuckle before continuing,

_"Doesn't mean you've won, _

_'cause you know may come _

_a bigger one..."_

Then Kisame intensified his playing again as he sang,

_"And you'll be lost! _

_Every river that you tried to cross... _

_Every gun you ever held went off... _

_Oh and I'm... _

_Just waiting till the firing stops..."_

The shark-like man played for a while, simply allowing the music of the piano to express his feelings. This is what he did whenever the bad memories of the past would try and creep their ways into his mind, body, and soul. The music that he blasted out on the piano seemed to expel everything bad and remind him of better things.

_"Oh and I'm... _

_Just waiting till the shine wears off..."_

Like, for instance, on the afternoon of his twenty-third birthday, Kabuto arrived in Kirigakure just to announce that Orochimaru had finally been given the death penalty, and his theater-troupe was imprisoned that same day. But the thing that made his heart the warmest, was the orphanage.

Using some of the money in the Hatake fortune, the Hatake orphans decided to create a place so that unfortunate orphans, such as themselves, could have a place to call home.

A sanctuary.

Kisame was still playing the piano when he could have sworn he felt some sort of... _presences_ behind him. He glanced back, not stopping his performance, and a toothy smile grew on his face. "If I told the others that I could see you, I would probably get strange looks." He announced to Nokoru, Mizuko, Kakashi, and Iruka. Kakashi chuckled back,

"Then maybe you should just keep it a secret." Iruka shook his head and stated,

"We won't be here long. Please keep playing." Kisame nodded as his fingers kept moving across the ivory keys.

_"Oh and I'm... _

_Just waiting till the shine wears off..."_

"Where are Jiraiya and Tsunade?" Kisame asked.

"They're a bit busy reconciling their differences." Iruka responded. The four older adults listened on, enjoying the performance before Nokoru looked outside the window. The sun had set beyond the marshy hills.

"The shine has indeed wears off." Mizuko nodded, tears in her eyes. Kisame still played on, trying not to see what was happening as the four faded away into the darkness. Kisame nodded and kept playing.

"I'm so proud of you, Kisame. We all are..." His mother's voice was the last thing that Kisame heard before he knew that he was left alone in the room. Tears landed on ivory keys as Kisame sang out,

_"Just waiting till.. the shine wears off..."_ Kisame played the last few lines of the song, long and mournful on the piano keys until he stopped playing entirely. The room was empty except a blue-skinned man at a piano, crying softly.

* * *

An hour later, Itachi Hoshigaki feels a large, warm body crawl into bed besides him, wrapping large arms around his delicate frame. The brunette smiles softly and whispers, "You need to find a better time to talk with them. The kids are getting curious..." Kisame kisses the back of Itachi's neck before replying,

"You're probably right. But then again, I'm sure that Sasuke could figure something to tell them. He is their teacher after all." Itachi turned and snuggled into Kisame's chest, adding,

"And Naruto's their top care-giver. But still," Brown eyes locked with black ones, "Try to come to bed earlier?" Kisame chuckled and kissed Itachi on the lips, replying,

"I'll try." Itachi smiled and drifted back to sleep. The blue-haired male wrapped his arms around Itachi, smiling softly as he closed his own eyes.

Tomorrow was another day. Another opportunity. Another chance at the rich fortune that is life.

And for once, while in Kirigakure, Kisame was able to enjoy a restful sleep.

* * *

**TG- That's it! It's done! I'm happy, so happy! **

**Guys- *all tearing up* **

**Naruto- Such a great ending! *grabs a tissue* **

**Sasuke- I promised that I wouldn't cry. I... Damn it! *blows nose into a tissue* **

**Kisame- I think that this is was a successful project, don't you Itachi? **

**Itachi- *nods while trying to hold back tears* ... **

**TG- I am **_**soooooo......**_** thankful for all my reviewers who stood by me until the end. ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!! *bows* This project was a lot of fun and I just thank you all and wish you the best in life, writing, and reading. **

**FYI- The song that Kisame was singing and playing to was 'Lost' by Coldplay. Just so you know.**

**Please continue to check out my future work as it comes along (the two chapters after this are previews for them.) Please check them out and let me know what you think! **

**Happy trails! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	16. Preview 1

**TG- Next up, like I said earlier, we have some previews for up-coming projects. Let's take a look, shall we? **

* * *

_Tyranno's girl Productions..._

It's a stormy night. A small, orange-haired demon finds himself in the middle of it, shivering from the cold. There is a fairy with him, which is strange because he doesn't have a fairy of his own yet.

There is a castle and the drawbridge is being lowered down. Suddenly, a trail of lightening surrounding it, a giant brown weasel speeds by. It has streaks of yellow on its back and sides, exceptionally long hair for a weasel, and six, swaying, brown and yellow tails. For a split-second, the small demon looks at the weasel's back. On it, there is a boy with long, navy-blue hair, pale skin, and red eyes filled with terror. He is wearing a long, black kimono and he has a pair of pale, wings on his back. He looks at the orange-haired demon until he is out of the distance.

Before the small demon can ask anything, there is a snarling behind him. He gasps and turns around, seeing a carriage drawn by two scarlet lizards. On the carriage, there is a tall male. He looks strange, the demon realizes, but he can't figure out why. The male has long, spiky black hair, his skin is pale, his eyes red, and smile malicious. He looks around before reaching a hand towards the small demon, despite the boy's yells and yips.

Then all is dark...

_Proudly presents..._

* * *

(We see a beautiful, rolling countryside with grasses and plains as far as the eye can see. A large river flows in front of an enormous castle surrounded by a town.)

_**'The fields are green... **_

_**The waters blue... **_

_**Kon is a paradise come true...'**_

**TG-** _In the land of Kon, the land has been untouched by human hands for centuries upon centuries. The forests are pure, the mountains powerful, and the waters calm. A world in which demons live and thrive in peace amongst each other. _

_However, as we all know... _

(Enter a man with long, spiky black hair, pale skin, and red eyes rushing across the field to the castle on a giant lizard-drawn chariot)

_Peace cannot last for long without being threatened. _

* * *

_Enter Kyuubi. (Scene shows a small demon-boy with ruffly, orange hair, wide red eyes, and wearing a green yukata) A small demon with a big heart... "Sakura-san! Are you okay?" He asks a small, pink ball of light with wings as it falls into his hands. _

_...and an even grander mission. _

"Kyuubi... Go now to Kon Castle..." A titanic, green snake with eight tails wheezes out to the small demon.

"Hachibi-sama..." A fairy whimpers out sadly.

_Upon the request by the god of the forest, Hachibi No Hachimata, Kyuubi goes forth to Kon Castle and meets his destiny... _

"My... you're a cute, mischievous demon, aren't you?"

"Wha-what?", Kyuubi yipped as his face blushed.

_A young demon-prince with a prophecy for their homeland... _

"My name is Hoshi, and I am the Prince of Kon." Hoshi points to the window where Kyuubi can see a menacing-looking man talking to the Emperor and Empress. ".. Can you see him, the man with the evil, red eyes? That's Madara, King of the Humans..."

(Cut to Hoshi holding Kyuubi's hands)

"Kyuubi, we have to save Kon from that monster's clutches! Will you help me?"

"Hai, of course!"

_And the real adventure begins... _

_A saga of trials... _

(Kyuubi enters a large maze in the middle of a forest.)

"Oh..." Kyuubi groaned, walking forward.

"This place must be really sacred for it to have this much protection." Sakura commented as they entered the maze.

_... Of dangers... _

(On the way up to the top of a massive mountain, Kyuubi is doing his best to climb up when...)

"Kyuubi! Look out!!" The mountain erupts, flaming rocks raining down to the mountain.

_.. of love... _

(Showing an older Kyuubi sitting on the edge of a lake...)

"Have you ever... felt this way about someone before Sakura?" The fairy stays silent. "Gods, I miss Hoshi..."

_... and of betrayal... _

"Kyuubi, I never meant to..!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"..."

_A fantastic tale of adventure with an all-star cast. Including: _

_Gaara Sabaku as Ichibi... _

"I would rather die than live my whole life on this ranch, Kyuubi..."

"Ichibi..."

_Kisame Hoshigaki as Sanbi..._

"It shouldn't matter what you look like or where you come from, kid, all that matters in love is that both people feel for each other."

"But how will I know when I'm in love?"

"Heh. You'll just know, Kyuubi."

_Kakashi Hatake as Gobi... _

"Even a god has to take time to relax sometimes..." Said the wolf-god as he continued to read his scroll.

_Itachi Uchiha as Rokubi... _

"My brother still thinks about you everyday, Kyuubi. But don't worry,"

"Huh?"

"He's fine, you'll meet him again soon enough."

_Kabuto Yakushi as Shichibi... _

"If you sing to your Metronome here, you may be able to speak with the spirits in the forest.," Shichibi stated, playing his violin. Kyuubi asked,

"Forest spirits?" Shichibi nodded.

_Orochimaru as Hachibi... _

"My child..." Hachibi began, "Listen very closely to what I am about to tell you." A green hand pet orange hair soothingly as the conversation progressed...

_Sasuke Uchiha, with the help of his Curse-Mark self, as Hoshi... _

"You know, I could get used to this: Me being on top of you."

"What?! Get off! Get off!" Kyuubi yowled.

_Sakura Haruno as Sakura the fairy... _

"I do wish that you could hurry up to our next destination, Kyuubi!"

"Sakura, I'm going as fast as I can! Stop pestering me!"

_Sai as Sai the Great Fairy... _

"You're just so... adorable for a hero!"

"You're... suffocating... me..."

_Iruka Umino as Juubi... _

"My judgment is final, flawless, and always works out for the best."

"Except in those few cases where it doesn't..."

"Quiet yourself Sanbi..."

_Madara Uchiha as Madara, King of Humans... _

"One day all of Kon will be mine to do with as I please." The older man shoves Kyuubi to the ground. "And there will be nothing that anyone can do to stop me."

_And Naruto Uzumaki, with the help of Kyuubi No Kitsune, as Kyuubi, the hero... _

"I'm not sure what the future holds... but as time goes on, we'll face whatever comes! Good or bad!"

_In a journey that will determine the fate of a whole world... _

"MADARA, YOU'RE MINE!!!" A giant, orange fox with nine tails roars as he charges towards an even larger, purple, and black blob-like mass.

_...! _

_**The Legend of Hoshi: Metronome of Time**__**...**_

"Kon's fate is in your hands, Kyuubi..."

_Coming soon to , hopefully around February..._

* * *

**A/N: I'm**_** so**_** sorry about how that turned out. You see, when I first thought about the preview I ran through it as a movie-trailer. And writing a movie-trailer and filming a movie-trailer are two, **_**very**_** different things... **

**But this is the preview for project 1, I hope that this didn't throw anyone off of it. It's coming along really nicely, so check it out when it's uploaded onto the sight. Unfortunately, it will be in the 'Sasuke and Naruto' section of the fanfiction-archive but people can just look up my profile and see it too. **

**A note: Although this and the next fic are my main-projects, there will still be a few one-shots and of course more installments of the ****Akatsuki Horror Series****.**

**I hope that people will follow that story like my others and more, thank you all for reading! The next preview is the chapter after this so check it out too. Love you all! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	17. Preview 2

**A/N: The other project is more (and by more, I mean completely) a romantic-comedy piece. Let's see, shall we? Just a hint: It was majorly inspired by a certain event that's taking place in Vancouver in February... **

* * *

_Tyranno's girl Productions..._

We enter the scene at a colossal stadium. It is heavily, yet tastefully, decorated with flowers, streamers, and posters; confetti sprinkling down and fireworks exploding in the sunny sky. The stadium seating is filled to the brim with spectators, a special section of the seating reserved for the children of the contestants.

Which reminds me.

Contestants for what and where are said contestants? Well, if we look down to the empty fields and to the left and right of it, you will see two covered entryways. A blue sheet covers the one on the left and the one on the right is covered in pink. Inside the pink-covered entryway, a conversation could be heard.

Well... It was more like random statements by each of the people behind it.

"Ve... This banner is heavy! When can we go eat? I wanna get some pasta!"

"Oh, for the love of Jashin! Shut up!"

"Guys... Calm down, we have to have a calm demeanor going into this... Remember, we are the calm, beautiful, honest ones."

"But this is getting boring, un!"

"Too bad. We have to stay still and-- Would you stop jumping around?!"

"Sorry..! But it's so exciting! So exciting!"

"I agree with him! This is going to be awesome, dattebayo!"

"Ugh...!" Groans were heard all around. Then, a meek voice stated,

"I hope that we'll all do our best. Right Kumajiro?"

"Who are you again?"

"Oh..." Then,

"Don't worry! We're going to cream the competition because I'm the hero!"

"Ugh...!" More groans.

"With team-mates like this maybe we'll have to..." A briefcase of medication was brought out and glasses were delicately pushed back with one finger. "Thin out the competition?"

"Oh, now don't be mean! As long as we have our wits, we can beat them easy!" As things were going on, blue eyes looked around and found a pair of sea-foam green ones outlined by eyeliner.

"Hey! Are you ready for the main event?" The green eyes looked up and rolled,

"I'd rather die..."

"That's the spirit, dattebayo!"

Before another groan arose, a smooth voice stated, "Now let's not let hostility get in ze way of this pure competition, mon amis!" There was silence as everyone looked at the owner of the voice. Then shrieks and protests,

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!"

"Mon pére, please put on your clothes!"

"What?! But that would get in ze way of the tradition in this event!"

"PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!!!"

* * *

On the opposite side of the field, behind the blue curtain, another conversation was taking place.

"Alright! On the count of three I want everyone to give a big 'Go team'! Ready? One..."

"There's no way in hell... Unless you pay me that is."

"Two..."

"Can we count down in Espanol?"

"Three! Go team! Wait a minute, you guys didn't join in!"

"Because we didn't want to?"

"Come on! It'll boost team-morale!"

"We don't need our morale boosted! Not as long as you all have the Awesome Me!"

"Oh..." Groans all around.

"Maybe we should all be having a quick drink," A gloved hand brought out a large bottle, "I brought some of my best vodka, da?"

"Damn you!" Light green eyes narrowed in agitation, "Don't tempt me, you know what happens when I drink!" There was a bit of laughter before a voice added,

"Do we even need to try that hard? I mean, we don't want to hurt their feelings or anything, right?"

"Nein... But they proposed this challenge so we have to respond." Sounds of agreement were heard all around. However, soon a large horn sounded.

"Guys, it's time!"

"Raise up the banner!"

* * *

"Come on you guys, carry the banner right! We have to get going!" There was commotion behind the pink curtain while all the people behind it tried to get ready to make their entrance.

* * *

_Proudly Presents..._

The audience in the stands was quiet as they waited. The band on-stage waited for a signal from the administrative-booth. When they got it, they began playing a loud fanfare. When the music started, the curtains parted and revealed large groups of men, both young and older. The crowds went crazy as both groups started marching toward the center field. The men from behind the blue curtain were all older, stronger-looking, and confident as they walked behind three men that held up a large, blue banner that had the kanji for 'seme' on it.

"IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP!!" They all called out in high-spirits to the crowd. As they passed the children's area, half of the children cheered, while the other half waited for the other side to pass.

"Hi Vati!" A girl with curly blonde hair waved happily.

On the other side, however, the younger, delicate-looking males were struggling to figure out who should hold their banner, which had the kanji for 'uke' on it. Finally, they came to a decision and marched across the field. They all cheered,

"ROOT FOR THE UNDER-DOG!!"

After that, they other half of the children got up and cheered wildly.

"Mama! Be a good boy, okay?" A green-skinned girl with green hair that had flowers in it cheered, orange yes wide and cheerful.

The groups marched around the field for a while, spurred on by the triumphant music, until they both walked to the center field. When both groups were there, you could sense the tension in the air as both groups looked at each other. The bottoms trying their best to look confident against the tops that had no problem with their confident airs.

In the administrative-booth, when she saw that both groups had made it to their respective spots, a woman picked up a microphone and began, "Thank you everyone for coming here today! We are to have the honor of being the spectators of a fantastic event!" The crowds cheered. "We all have seen the battle of the sexes and the battle of the species, but here is a competition that tops those both!" The woman stood up and announced, "We have the honor of hosting and seeing the first ever

SEME-UKE GAMES!!!"

The crowds cheered again, as well as the groups on the field. From here on out, you didn't have to be a fortune-teller to see that things were going to be tense. The atmosphere was tinged with aggression. Until a thump-noise tore the ukes from their stare-down with the semes. Itachi Uchiha, leader of Team-Uke, groaned,

"Did Greece fall asleep again?" Ben Tennyson replied,

"Yep, along with Italy."

The semes had to hold back their laughs. Oh, this was going to be cake.

_**The Seme-Uke Games**__**:**_

_Coming soon to , hopefully around February..._

* * *

**A/N: Yes, my other project is going to be a competition between semes and ukes to see which position is better (not in **_**that**_** way!). It is my hopes that it will be quite the humorous story and I hope that people will like it. The characters that will be in this story are from all my fav yaoi pairings, which means that it's **_**kind of**_** a crossover, but not really. **

**Some characters from these animes and things will be used (That I do not own in anyway whatsoever...): **

**Naruto**

**Hetalia- Axis Powers**

**Pokémon**

**Yu-Gi-Oh! GX**

**Ben 10: Alien Force**

**South Park**

**Super Smash Bros. Brawl**

**Legend of Zelda**

**Petshop of Horrors**

**...And probably more as time goes on. Did anyone catch any of the conversation points, rather who was talking to who? Well, this is just a preview, in the actual fic, I'll say who is who. Also, I could use a partner for this fic in case anyone is interested! And just one more thing, what pairing should I put this fic under? Well, I hope to get some feedback on my previews and I hope that everyone liked them at least a little bit. Until February... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


End file.
